Carly's Oh-So-Sweet Baby Shower

 As time continued passing since my miscarriages, and my pregnancy with Carly progressed, I went from feeling sad, confused and achy about those losses to feeling positive, optimistic and hopeful about the future.  I found many pins on Pinterest (a great place to be inspired) that matched my improved outlook:

This one might be my very favorite, considering Cinderella is, hands down, my favorite fairy tale.

 

These two spoke to me because I believe them.  

I believe that God would not put me through something without a purpose. 

I believe God has good plans for my life.

And I believe that the rainbow coming after the storm that was last year,

is totally going to have been worth the tears.

Sunday afternoon at my parents house, 

surrounded by all my friends & loved ones, 

we celebrated just that.

 A beautiful rainbow theme filled every corner of the shower.

From the fruit tray...

 to the clothes line...

 to the diaper cake...

 I wish I had taken more pictures-- there were so many people (whom I love so much!) at the shower.  And they spoiled me so very thoroughly. 

 Honestly, I felt like I was opening presents for hours!

Here is where I make a little confession-- I've had trouble believing that #4 will really be a little girl.  I guess it feels too good to be true.  So I have bought three (count 'em three) things for her. Two outfits and one blanket. That's it.

So opening outfit after outfit for sweet little Carly was very exciting.  Everything is so precious for baby girls-- little ribbons, bits of lace and sparkles everywhere!!!

One of the most fun gifts I got was a tiny Ergo (baby wearing backpack) for Carly to wear her dolls in when she gets bigger. It is an exact replica of the Ergo I have. It made me so excited about having a little girl.

My sister printed wish cards and reading through them today was so much fun.  Everyone at the shower filled out their hopes for sweet little Carly, and they have such big dreams for her.  It makes the future seem limitless.

This fur shrug from my aunt is one of my most treasured gifts-- it's fit for a princess and made me very excited for all the dress up (and not the Captain America variety) in my future! 

There was one gift that made me cry-- 

this beautiful hand made blanket from my mom and sister.  

My mom has made a baby blanket for each of my baby's.  My first pregnancy, I was not going to find out what I was having, so we chose sage greens for the baby blanket.  Then at my 20 week ultrasound, we found out it was twins and decided that was enough surprise for one pregnancy, and asked what sex they were.  When we discovered two boys were headed our way, we made a coordinating baby blue blanket to go with the green one.

Then when I was pregnant with Wyatt I went wild and chose super colorful polka dots & stripes, as well as frogs for the baby blanket.  And instead of flannel, which I had done on the twins' baby blankets, I did the entire back in minky.

This pregnancy, I just never had the strength to want to face Fabric Depot and all.the.choices of fabric.  So I put off going, figuring eventually I would have to.  Then my mom surprised me with this blanket that she and my sister pieced together, basing the colors off the one blanket I bought from IvieBaby the night I found out it was a girl.

Those tiny quilts, sewn with love by my very own mom, always remind me of the hospital, so seeing Carly's was a very real reminder that soon I'll have a baby to wrap in that blanket, just like I have before.

After two losses and the ensuing heart break, imagining a baby in that blanket at the end of January feels like a dream come true.

The shower truly was a labor of love, and no detail was left unattended.  I am so grateful for my mom and sister who know me so well and love me so much.  We're all three elated to welcome a little girl into our family of boys (my mom has only grandsons-- six of them!!!) and their excitement is starting to rub away some of my disbelief.

My sister teased me that at the hospital, when Carly's finally in my arms, I'm going to have a moment and shout, "It's a girl! It really is a girl!"  Ha! I think she's probably right!

Me & my baby girl at 33 Weeks

I am getting really anxious to meet this little one
and see her sweet face.
She's already a dream come true.

***

And just like that, it's December...

Oh my G-O-S-H!!! 

(Wyatt's been saying this on repeat since he picked it up from The Lego Movie the other day.  Now it's in my head all.the.time.) It has been TEN DAYS since I last blogged.  I don't really know how that is possible, and at the same time, it's amazing I've been able to blog at all lately.  As we started December I found myself feeling overwhelmed at the impending holiday chaos, sadder than ever about being apart from Josh, and dealing with sick kid after sick kid.

Seeing a lot of these terrible late-night numbers on my clock...

It has been agony to miss Josh.  Instead of it getting easier, more normal for him to be gone as time has passed, I've found the last few weeks harder than ever.  If I had to guess, I'd imagine it's the kids being sick for two weeks that did me in.  No sleep coupled with lots of worry over fevers, tummy aches and these awful barky coughs left me feeling totally depleted.

Thinking about our future has also been a stressor.  I'm trying not to worry about what is to come for our family, but not being sure is something that's hard for me.

And on top of all that, I've been suffering (since August) low back pain.  So I've been juggling more and more frequent OB visits with trips to the chiropractor & massage therapist.

Oh and also, in case my overall mood wasn't in jeopardy beforehand, winter has arrived here in the northwest.  The wind, cold & rain have seeped into my bones and the bareness of the trees seems to match my somber outlook.

***

Luckily the kids have been better sports about the weather, finding the rain to be a delightful challenge.  Like at the Veteran's Day parade where we were all thoroughly soaked.

***

 One good thing about winter's arrival is that Dashy is here!  Our sweet little Elf on the Shelf has arrived and is up to his usual, hilarious, antics.  Here he's reading a board book to himself and one Carly's baby rattles in her bassinet.

I've been ready for a break from homeschool since November ended.  We pushed straight through Thanksgiving break, schooling everyday, so we can take extra time off when Carly is born.  I'm very ready for the two weeks off we'll get for Christmas!

***

{30 Weeks  #gohawks}

I am now over 8 months pregnant.  I realized about a week ago that a baby is coming. Ha! 

But seriously, after the miscarriages, I think my hope/belief in my body sort of shut off and it's just now warming back up.  I think this pregnancy will very likely result in a baby in my arms.  It's equal parts terrifying and exciting.

{The view from up here... No more feet...}

{Hard to see, but that's my MAMA bear necklace. I LOVE it!}

{32 weeks}

My belly has popped and looks like a (giant) basketball shoved under my shirt.

'tis the season to be pregnant

We've decided on a name, as I shared earlier.  

Carly May Cunningham  

I've referred to her as my rainbow baby (a term that refers to a baby that follows the "storm" of miscarriage) and my sister recently said that May (her middle name) could have two meanings-- The one that I had thought of (and named her for) is my due date for the first miscarriage.  But Roxanne told me she also thought of: "April showers bring May flowers".  I absolutely love it, and it makes me love her name even more.

{Apron Baby!}

Josh wants to call her CeCe, since her first and last initials are both C.  I think this is adorable.  I'm glad I'm finding more reasons to fall in love with her name because of all my kids, her name is the one I've been most unsure about.  I don't know if it's because she's my first girl, or I realize how much a name comes to shape the child, but I feel so under qualified to name another human this time around!

***

Despite feeling overwhelmed by Christmas & all there is to get done, I have managed to make a shopping list (and cross quite a few things off it) as well as create, order and mail our Christmas cards.  Complete with a Christmas letter this year!

I've also managed to make a Christmas Playlist on my phone and have been exposing my kids to all the Amy Grant & Mariah Carey Christmas songs they can stand, as well as their dad's favorite, The Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

My current (and perhaps all time) favorites are:

-Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song) by Amy Grant

-All I Want For Christmas is You by Mariah Carey

-Christmas Canon by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra

In the next two weeks, I'd like to up our craftiness and find a few Pinterest-y things to do (preferably with a lot of glitter) to get us all in a festive mood and decorate our rooms for the holidays.

***

I also took one evening and sorted through my stacks of books on my nightstand and started compiling a list of ideas for New Years Resolutions.  One of mine is to be a better mom.  I think many of these books will be helpful in achieving that goal.  Particularly Boys Should Be Boys and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings.  Although I think Mindsight and Better Than Before will offer helpful insights as well.

I'm excited to set some goals for the new year, and to tackle all these unread books!

Currently I'm reading The Power of Now with  my book club, and while it is intense, I find that the further I read, the more it's clicking in my brain.

I also just read Elin Hildebrand's Christmas novels, Winter Street and Winter Stroll.  They were so much fun to read and really put me in a Christmas spirit.

***

Looking at all I've accomplished during the first two weeks of this month, I feel a little better about December than when I started this post. So that's good!

But I have to say that lately even the kids have seemed a bit melancholy at times.  Between missing their dad, missing our house & Christmas decorations and being sick, it's been a rough few weeks.  I am hopeful that Josh's arrival home (in a week!) will liven our spirits and help us feel like ourselves again!

Meanwhile, I am hoping to take this bit of Instagram inspiration:

"do small things with GREAT LOVE"

& make this next week a great one.

*

And to close, I'll leave you with some funnies, 

because what are kids good for if not a good laugh?

Yesterday Wyatt told me my belly is jumpy.  

Then he boinged his hand off it and said, "See? It's all bouncy!"

While walking into the mall from the parking lot, Logan asked me if we were "jail walking".  I cracked up.  And I didn't correct him because, well, that's adorable.

And for some reason last night, when Logan called Jack a "mangy butt" and then asked me what "mangy" meant, I could not.stop.laughing.

:)

"Supposed to" Life

At my book club Tuesday night we were talking about how some people have a "supposed to" life  that they constantly compare with their actual life.  When we were talking about it, it was abstract.  We were talking about other people.  

Not me.

Then I woke up this morning, grouching at the kids again, barreling through school, wishing my kids would act this way or that, instead of the way they were acting... 

And I realized that I, too, have an imaginary "supposed to" life that included kids who always listen, patience that never ends and days that progress with nary a bump in the road.  

Constantly comparing my actual life to this unrealistic imaginary life is stealing the joy I could be garnering from my days.  And that makes me sad.  There is beauty in the mess.  I just know it.

So tomorrow I am going to try & push my "supposed to" life (the perfect fake one in my head) aside, and focus on finding the good in my real life.  Wish me luck.

***

What We're Thankful For:

Wyatt:

• I'm thankful for Mommy & Daddy.
• I'm thankful for my robot.
• I'm thankful for Daddy coming to visit.

Jack:

• I'm thankful for my family.
• I'm thankful for my friends.
• I'm thankful for Daddy having a job.

Logan:

• I'm thankful for learning how to read.
• I'm thankful for play time.
• I'm thankful for family & friends.

Mommy:

• I'm thankful for my marriage.  That man.  He is just so good.
• I'm thankful for my sons.  They give my life meaning.
• I'm thankful for my daughter. She's the rainbow after the storm.

***

Thirty-Three

 For my birthday this year (since I'm in Washington!) my mom had me over for dinner with my boys & sister.  They all spoiled me with presents.  Make up & maternity tops to be specific, and I couldn't be happier!

 My boys also bought me presents-- 

Mom took them to the Dollar Tree and they got to pick out whatever their little hearts desired.

 Logan got me:
Vanilla Scent trees for the car
A novel about the creator of Girl Scouts
Aqua tank rocks for my rock collection
Super sparkly nail polish
Plus a balloon & a reusable bag

 Jack got me:
A small notebook for my purse
Black pens, cause he knows black's my favorite
A journal
Silver nail polish
A beautiful candy dish
Plus a card & a balloon

Wyatt got me:
A mirror
An eyelash curler (which he told my mom matter of factly was for my eyebrows)
A princess flashlight
Colorful pens
A reusable princess bag

Plus a Minnie Mouse Happy Birthday balloon seen here.

 I was so touched by their thoughtfulness.  

 And how incredibly well they know me.

 I am truly so blessed.

 Time for CAKE!!!

Milo's crazy hair.

Loved it!

It was a super laid back evening, with good food & great company.

My wish was simple:

A healthy arrival for Baby #4

I am so thankful for my family, this pregnancy & for these sweet boys in my life.

Yesterday really was a perfect day.

The only thing missing was my amazing man!

***