Merry Christmas!

May your days be merry & bright

Around Here: Week 51

Finishing... Christmas shopping (mostly) and Christmas cards (completely) on Friday, so Saturday & Sunday I was free to just enjoy my kids and carry on with laundry & dishes.  Saturday morning I made blueberry muffins for breakfast (my favorite) and Saturday afternoon I made Christmas tree brownies and Josh made pizza and we watched Home Alone for family movie night.  I want to forever remember the way Jack laughs hysterically at the antics of the robbers & Macaulay Culkin.  Honestly.  It is the most joyful sound.

Hosting... a family sleepover after movie night on Saturday. I put the baby to bed and we played Yahtzee, the five of us, and Josh and I schooled the kids. (Ha!) Then we had a living room sleepover, with the twins on the couches and Wyatt and I on the air mattress.  I felt so content under the glow of the Christmas tree, surrounded by my three sleeping boys, I just sat and breathed in the moment.  This time with them is fleeting, but in that moment, time stood still.  I am so glad I took the night off from teaching to make those special memories with them.

Repeating... to myself lately: "Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good." And what I mean by that is let good enough be good enough.  Everything doesn't have to be perfect to be awesome.  Like taking Wyatt to look at Christmas lights.  We only drove around three blocks after dropping the twins off last week, but it was so magical anyway.

Coloring... during an epic coloring contest on Sunday morning.  Dashy left us pages for a coloring contest and kisses for the winner, so we colored (and glittered) to our hearts' content and all won BEST COLORING.  It was so lovely.

Facing... hard parenting later on Sunday, which was not so lovely as the kids were overtired from our sleepover, not wanting to do their chores and seeing EVERYTHING as "Not Fair!" which is not our favorite thing to hear as parents. It was frustrating, but we each promised to do one thing different (better) come Monday, so we gave ourselves a fresh start.
We had another rough day Wednesday (the first day of Christmas break) with all four kids rotating being super demanding and whiny.  Add to that that I was very sleep deprived and still not 100% from my cold, and we had the perfect storm.  Thank God at 4:00 Josh got home and our whole day shifted.  I'm telling you, when I am in challenging parenting moments, it is so hard for me to keep perspective and not think "It's going to be like this FOREVER!" I call that "awfulizing", and it's the pits.  I go total worst-case-scenario and it does not help the situation.

Identifying... with this article so very much after my hard parenting day Wednesday.

"I told a few close friends, bracing myself for concern laced with pity and platitudes of the spiritual variety. But every single one affirmed that yes, this motherhood/parenthood/raising kids/life stuff is messy and complicated and complex and just plain hard. They shared their own stories of feeling taxed and tolled and being sick of doing everything for everyone (even during times when life was “good”).

Instead of embarrassment, validation. Instead of shame, I was seen."

Gah! So good.  Click over and read the whole thing.  I promise you'll find yourself nodding your head in agreement and thinking, "Me, too. Me, too."

Watching... The Crown again!  Josh and I were so happy when Season Two finally came out!

Listening... to Scream Free Parenting by Hal Runkel.  He's challenging a lot of my parenting ideals and helping me recognize different ways I'm being triggered to yell by my kids.

Reading... Winter Street by Elin Hildebrand.  I'm hoping to finish it today, and start #2 (Winter Stroll) tomorrow.  Then I'll read Winter Storms and finally (!!!) Winter Solstice, which is the brand new one, just released this holiday season.  I can't wait to read that one!

Going... to the theater with the twins (and their best friends who are twins) to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi.  It was a really long movie (two and a half hours) and I worried the twins (or I) would be bored, but it was engrossing and we were all entertained the entire time.

Visiting... the dentist this week, and feeling so grateful to have found such an amazing one.  He helped me come up with some plans for my jaw pain (hello stress-clenching) and fixed a bad filling for me.

Saying... goodbye to Wyatt's little best friend.  His family is off to Idaho and Wyatt is going to miss him so much!!

Slowly... weaning Carly.  We were down to two times nursing per day (nap and bedtime), and last night I told her it was the last time I was going to feed her at bedtime.  She said, in a super sad, shaky voice, "Okay, mom." So we'll see if I can actually tell her no tonight. (I'm guessing not.)
I am also slowly getting rid of more and more baby stuff.  It's so hard for me knowing that this is it.  That my days of raising an infant, a baby, a toddler are over.  I am ready (I know I am because I love sleeping) to be done having babies, and it's been (nearly) ten years of parenting, so I should be ready for this chapter to be closing... but I'm not. So I'm just feeling my feelings as they come, and not letting anything go until I'm 100% sure.  Just being gentle with myself.
My goal is to have her weaned by her second birthday, but again, I am going to go at a pace we're both comfortable with and be gentle.  This is the last time my body will provide sustenance to my little one.  It's a hard thing to say goodbye to.

Wanting... to purge all.the.things before the influx of Christmas toys & things.  I have a basket going for Goodwill and will also be donating some gently used clothes to a homeless shelter nearby.

Loving... climbing into bed lately.  I've been so tired (physically and emotionally) that climbing into bed each night is my new favorite thing.  I also love filling out my Five Minute Journal each night, recording what went well that day and what can go better tomorrow.

Preparing... for lots of baking and family time for the next few days.  I have gifts to wrap, but luckily no more shopping to do.  I'm hoping to also get a jigsaw puzzle going.

***

Around Here: Week 50

Giving... the boys haircuts, which made Logan cry.  He really wanted to keep his long hair, but he had been unable to keep his scalp healthy with that full head of hair, so he got a short short haircut.  I felt awful not letting him decide what he wanted, but I know it's what his head needed while we work on teaching him the proper way to scrub his head and get himself fully clean. #bigkidproblems

Getting... sick after what has been a pretty stressful couple of weeks.  I did the neti-pot yesterday and it required lamaze breathing, it hurt so bad in my forehead.  I am hopeful that lots of liquids and plenty of rest will keep me from being sick too long.

Clenching... my jaw (I think from stress, but maybe from bad dental work) and suffering migraines and constant mouth pain because of it.  I go to the dentist next week and can't wait to discuss the issue with him and come up with a treatment plan.  It's making me miserable.

Catching... up around here after three weeks of sick kids, plus being gone last week for Wyatt's hospitalization.  I am good on the house, and nearly where I need to be for Christmas prep, so I'm feeling optimistic.

Finally... sending out Christmas cards!  I made myself sit down on Friday during nap time and completely wrap up Christmas cards.  I've had them since before Thanksgiving, I believe, and it's been a long process (stop and go, stop and go) getting everyone's current addresses and labeling them.  So it feels awesome to be done!

Grateful... for Wyatt's total health this week.  He's blowing 225-250 on his peak flow meter, compared with 100-125 when we got home from the hospital.  I am also grateful for Carly's health.  She took a terrible fall at Wyatt's foot doctor appointment, after which her eyes rolled back in her head and she nearly vomited.  We saw her doctor that morning and he said she definitely had a concussion and her brain would need a break (no screens, no loud noises or bright lights) to heal up.

Breaking... the news to Wyatt that he will be wearing his boot for another month.  The doctor is not satisfied with his healing and is worried that one of the bones he broke could die off, so we're giving it another four weeks.  Unrelated, Wyatt will also be starting physical therapy to work on his achilles tendons, which are too tight and are impacting his ability to run and be active.  I am anxious to see if they improve the pain he often complains of when walking or riding his scooter to school.

Loving... how Wyatt HATES kisses, but he lets Carly kiss him every time she wants to.  I am also loving how affectionate he has been since we went through what we went through together in Spokane.  He's not the only snuggly little Cunningham.  Carly, too, will often come up and hug me for no reason, or yell, "I love YOU!" at me for no reason.  It melts my mama heart.

Succeeding... at not yelling at the kids for a whole week.  It feels so amazing to be in control of myself, and to be treating my kids like humans, no matter how annoying they're being. ;) I attribute this week's success to three things:

1) being ready before them 3 days a week.  Because I am teaching with VIPkid earrrrly morning on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays, I am up and dressed and ready when they wake up on those days.  So only twice a week am I facing the stress of showering while all four kids are awake.
2) Doing my Five Minute Journal, which helps me reflect on what makes for a good (or better) day and what I can change to make it happen.
3) Planning ahead- I've been taking a minute each night to look at what will be necessary the following morning before we leave for school so there are fewer surprises. ("I need a spelling pre-test!" "I forgot to have you wash my PE clothes!" "My homework is due today!")

Reading... board books to Carly, and not much else. Sad day!  I did start Black Beauty with the boys at bedtime, and they are liking it so far.  At least I'm reading to the kids.  I am hopeful that since I'm done with Christmas cards and shopping, I'll finally be able to start my Winter Street series by Elin Hilderbrand. I'll keep you posted!

Working... super hard with the twins to make up for missing (or crappy) work on their progress reports.  It was a long week, with lots of extra writing and revising, but they both felt really good about the amount of effort they put in, and their teachers were satisfied as well.  Now to just get them to work that hard all the time, so we're not playing catch up later!

Enjoying... the magic of our elf on the shelf, and all that is holiday joy.  All three boys love waking up in the morning to see what Dashy has been up to in the night.  He has hung our underwear on the tree, brought cookies for the kids to take in their lunches and even decorated their bedroom with twinkle lights while they were at school yesterday.  They all really believe in him, and I'm so grateful they haven't stopped believing yet.
After we dropped the twins at a playdate yesterday, Wyatt and I drove around in the dark, checking out Christmas lights, and as we turned onto our street he said wistfully, "We sure do live in a nice neighborhood.  It's just full of holiday spirit."

Watching... The Big Sick for date night and really enjoying it, despite the medical setting.  I will admit that when it was over, I had a big cry (spoiler alert: the girl gets intubated for a lung infection) in Josh's arms about what happened with Wyatt (which was so similar), but I think I really needed that emotional release.  I posted some pictures of Wyatt's illness as well as some information I learned about what he went through on Facebook.  Basically what he had was called Status Asthmaticus, which is asthma that is unresponsive to treatment.  It can absolutely be life threatening, and because of that, he has been placed on a preventative asthma regimen that will continue for the next year, in hopes of avoiding a repeat of that scary day in the ER.

***

Around Here: Week 49 {Wyatt's Hospitalization} 2017

{December 1- December 8th}

We started the week before last with a sick Wyatt.  He was coughing again, after a few days of seeming better from his Thanksgiving cold.

By Wednesday he was bad enough that I called his primary care doctor for an appointment.  We saw him Thursday (November 30th), and found out I was giving his meds wrong (not terribly, just not in the most effective order) so we had a new, better plan, and Wyatt returned to school Friday (December 1st).

When I picked him up from school Friday he was coughing and his teacher said he had been since about lunch time.  We got home and he kept coughing.  He coughed through dinner and bedtime, and when he couldn't fall asleep after having his nebulizer treatment and an accidental double dose of cough medicine, I knew I had to take him in.

At this point, he was tired & suffering a fever, but not scared or grumpy.  The cough was more annoying than anything.

They did two nebulizer treatments, to no avail.  His lungs sounded clear and his chest x-ray also came back clear, no pneumonia.  So they sent us home, telling us that he was suffering an upper respiratory infection, along with his Reactive Airway Disease (which is basically just asthma after a cold), and he simply needed time to heal.

We were home for about twelve hours, from midnight until noon, when I went to check on Wyatt, who was having a little nap in his bedroom, and found he was respirating (breathing with his belly, instead of his chest). I called the advice nurse and she sent us (appropriately) immediately to the Emergency Room.

This time, there was no wait.  Wyatt was taken back immediately to room 1, where he was hooked up to oxygen, given a 90 minute continuous albuterol treatment via a nebulizer, and hooked up to an IV and a monitor to check his breaths per minute, oxygen and heart rate.  When I glanced at it, the monitor said his oxygen was at 76.

In addition to all the things mentioned above, they drew blood to test for a bunch of different illnesses and infections, and they swabbed his nose and throat.  They also did another chest x-ray to check for changes from the night before.

Despite the continuous oxygen and albuterol, he was not getting better.  His temperature had risen from 101 the night before to over 103 degrees, and he was not responding to treatments.  The doctor told me that Wyatt would absolutely be admitted, the question was where.  In our small town, there is no children's hospital, so he felt Spokane would be best.

A decision was made, and before I knew it, the flight team was there to take us.  Unfortunately, there was no helicopter available, and conditions weren't conducive to flight anyway, so the flight team took us via ambulance to Sacred Heart Children's Hospital an hour and a half away.  The reason we had to travel with a flight team is because Wyatt was in such poor condition that the ER doc was worried we'd need to intubate during travel to Spokane, and normal EMT's aren't trained to intubate.  The thought of intubating our sweet boy as he struggled for breath terrified me.

On the other hand, I was grateful that it was an option, because his lungs were not doing the job they were meant to do.

 Thankfully I pack a mean purse, and I had just about everything I would need in Spokane, already in my purse.  The only thing I was missing was a change of clothes. I had floss, migraine medicine, a tablet, an extra charger... And one of the nurses gave me his personal lunch since I hadn't eaten anything and all the stress was making me lightheaded.

The flight crew we traveled with was amazing.  They immediately saw how Wyatt was responding to all the activity, and tried to mellow him out while we waited for our ambulance to show up.  They adjusted his oxygen to blow with less pressure, calmly talked to him about his friends & school, and basically got him stabilized before we left, just by engaging him and letting him know it was all good.

He slept the entire drive to Spokane, and it was such a blessing to finally not hear him coughing.  Watching him get rest gave my heart a much needed respite.

His numbers also started looking a bit better.

After our drive, we arrived at Sacred Heart and were admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU).  The doctor was waiting in the room for us, as was the charge nurse.  Wyatt was placed immediately on steroids, and set up with the Respiration Therapists (RT's) for treatments.

He continued to cough and require oxygen.

Because of the precarious state of the children in the PICU we were requested to wear scrubs over our clothes and change any time we left Wyatt's room.

Wyatt enjoyed the power of the TV/bed remotes.  We called him King Wyatt during his stay.

Anything to make him smile.

The first thing he got to do while he was there was watch Sponge Bob, which I don't allow at home.  He thought that was pretty cool.  He also got to have a popsicle for breakfast (following the disgusting liquid steroids) and he thought that was cool, too. 

Throughout the first night, he had the oxygen on, and coughed quite frequently.  He had nebulizer treatments every two hours, and nurses in and out even more than that. We didn't sleep much.

But his numbers looked good.

By Sunday morning, having slept the last time on Thursday night (and only for five and a half hours) I was completely worn out and asked my mom if she would join us in Spokane.  She immediately said yes and flew from Portland to Spokane, arriving around noon.  I was so happy to see her!

She watched Wyatt after I got him settled, and I took a nap. I felt amazing afterward.  I know I would have never slept that peacefully if she hadn't been there.

Through it all, Wyatt was so brave.  He took shots, pokes, gross medicine and nebulizer treatments with nary a complaint. 

Sunday and Monday he would improve, then get worse. Improve, then get worse.  He got off oxygen, only to be put back on. Then he got off oxygen, and started having a fever again.  Then his fever went away, and he started having really rosy cheeks/face after treatments. 

At once point we met with the pulmonologist and she ordered more blood tests, as well as antibiotics for our boy.  That was the turning point.  The antibiotics really helped him start taking a swing in the right direction.  He was able to go four hours between treatments, and stay off oxygen.  His fever evened out and he started having a little more energy.

Her blood test found that he was vitamin D deficient, so in addition to his steroids and antibiotics, we got him on vitamin D.  And because of the antibiotics, we got him on some probiotics.  He was also on Robutussin and some Pearl pills that were supposed to help with cough.  And he had Tylenol, on the regular, around the clock.

The worst thing to make him take was the steroid.  We finally got him to take it by bribing him with chocolate milk afterward. 

He had a couple episodes of tantruming/refusing to do things on Monday, after he'd been on the steroids a few days.  He refused to walk around for the nurse to prove he could walk without it effecting his oxygen, and he refused to do the CPT with the RT one of the times she came.  Before that, he had done the CPT (basically pounding on his lungs to break up the junk) without any tears.

He had a reaction (rash on his hands) to the antibiotics, too, but not severe enough to stop treatment.

Whenever he would get upset (from being tired, or not wanting to cooperate), I would not get upset in return.  I would just offer to climb in the bed with him and hold him.  This generally worked to deescalate the situation and he would eventually agree to do what we had asked. 

He also loved when I would sing to him, so I spent many hours holding him, singing songs from JJ Heller's "I Dream of You" album, our favorite. 

Despite how hard it was to see Wyatt suffer, I was so, so grateful to be there with him.  I was grateful that I knew Josh had it all under control at home, and I was grateful that my  mom was there to support me in being there for Wyatt.  She let me sleep a few hours each night, and would get food for us, or anything we needed, so I could focus 100% on him.

When he started feeling better, he talked on the phone to Josh and Carly.  Seeing a smile on his sweet, suffering face was such a blessing for our hearts.

The biggest smile, by far, came from FaceTiming Carly.  He cried twice during his stay, telling me how much he missed her.  They are really connected, those two.  Josh said while I was gone, she would ask where Mama was, and then answer herself saying, "Wyatt. Sick."  She knew I was taking care of her Wyatt. 

And when those two were reunited, it was as if I wasn't even in the room.  She only had eyes for that big brother of hers.

Monday afternoon we knew that discharge was possible for Tuesday.  So we started asking all the questions we had, and really monitoring how Wyatt was doing, making sure that he would be healthy for the ride home.  He was able to make it six hours between treatments (the real goal we had before bringing him home) and he was able to walk around the ward (even if he did cry the entire time he did it) without it negatively impacting his breathing.

Tuesday he did lots of crafts and was really feeling better, you could tell.  His numbers stayed consistently good and after school let out, Josh, the twins and Carly started driving our way.  They picked us up, and when I saw the twins, I started crying. Oh, how I had missed my kids!

We got Wyatt's prescriptions and then began the long drive home.  Wyatt slept for most of it, and Carly nursed for some of it. It felt so good to be together as a family again.

Upon arriving home, thank God, Josh offered to stay home another day or two if I needed him, and I took him up on that offer.  He continued managing the twins and Carly and I focused 100% on Wyatt, his treatments and his medication, not to mention asthma education. 

Yesterday (Saturday) is the first day he didn't need to take a nap, nor did he have a treatment in the night Friday. He has a follow up appointment Monday, and should be back at school Tuesday. I think he will be up for it.

For the record, though, I did ask the PICU doctor if I could just keep Wyatt in a bubble, and was told that no, keeping him in a bubble was not, in fact, something they'd recommend. Ha!

I will say, though, that hand washing has taken a big upswing in our household, and will continue through cold and flu season.

While we were gone, it has to be said, Josh NAILED IT.  He had the twins do their regular daily chores, plus their weekend chores.  He dressed Carly and DID HER HAIR (I seriously died at how cute her hair was, complete with matching "hair pretties" as she says.)  He did school drop off and pick up, and homework and laundry, all without missing a beat, even though that's all my department. 

We were blessed that while Wyatt got sick, Josh's parents were in town, so they were able to watch the kids while Josh went to work to make sub plans.  That set him up for staying home while I was gone.

Carly went down for him for naps and bedtime, only crying once cause she wanted to stay up.  He sang to her and snuggled her, and she would just go in her crib, no problem, despite never being put to bed by him before.

I pumped while I was at the hospital, to keep from being engorged, and so I could quit nursing on my own terms, not because of this hospital stay.  The hospital even provided me meals and a breast pump because I was a nursing mom.  They were amazing. 

Everyone was.  The ER staff here in town, the doctors, nurses and specialists in Spokane, and everyone here (our village) who sent texts, messages and prayers out for us.  Josh had meals provided and I've had so many people offer to drive our boys to school and help out in various ways.  Thank you, all of you, for lifting us up with your thoughts, your love and your support.  I can never thank you enough.

One other thing josh did while he was home Wednesday & Thursday was get us new phones.  While I was in the hospital, I got a warning that my SIM card had been corrupted (I have no idea what that means) and my phone became completely useless.  I couldn't get on Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.  I couldn't text or make phone calls.  It was so frustrating.  And the timing couldn't have been worse.

Now we are all set with new, local phone numbers (no more Alaska numbers) and a cellular company with a local office.  It was a pain to get set up, but overall we are relieved to be done with the Alaska numbers & questionable service.   

***

Before we left the hospital, Wyatt diagnosed with severe asthma, and we were given a big preventative routine to keep him healthy.  Daily, he will take vitamin D, a probiotic, 2 puffs of his Flovent inhaler (with a spacer) twice a day, one Singulair pill each evening and he will blow on his Peak Flow Meter, which tells us how his lung capacity is.  

When those Peak Flow numbers are bad or his lungs seem bad, we will add Budenoside (in the nebulizer) to that regimen.  And when he's actively having asthma, we will also give him albuterol as needed (either via the nebulizer or via his rescue inhaler).  

We aren't sure when (or if) his asthma symptoms will show up again.  They may only arrive after a cold, as is the case for many asthmatics.  They may show up after exercise or being out in the cold.  They may be triggered by different allergens.  Until we get his allergy testing done in the spring (the soonest appointment was for the end of March!) we won't really know for sure. So it's a guess & check type of thing.  My prayer is that his asthma continues to be controlled and that there are no allergies coupled with his lung issues. 

*

When we got home, Jack said he was glad when Wyatt was in the hospital.  It was a nice break.  

I was about to lay into him when he followed that with, "I knew I didn't have to worry about you in the hospital." Awww!!  After that I hugged Jack and assured him the doctors would not send Wyatt home if they didn't think he was well enough.

*

While coloring yesterday I looked at Wyatt and said, "I love you bud. I'm so glad you're better."  He said, "And I'm glad I'm not dead."

I think I stared blankly at him, willing my eyes not to fill with tears, and asked what he meant.  He said, "Well, if you don't breathe, you die.  And I couldn't breathe."

There were times, especially in the ER, but also in the PICU where I wondered if I would go home with a six year old.  He was very, very sick.  And it was very, very serious.

I feel so blessed to be home with him.

***