around here: week 22 2020

[Wyatt & Carly checking out the garden}

{first glimpse of our baby girl}

{see Grady behind her?}

{Can you find Molly?}

Feeling... inspired by this Hugh Laurie quote to stop eating my feelings (I hate you Coronavirus) and take control of my body again.  I am at my highest weight. 210 pounds which is hard to even type.  But I am done gaining weight. I am going to drink water and sleep more, cut out soda & caffeine, walk daily and wear my fitbit, and hopefully I will start to resemble a human more than a beach ball. Hah.

Learning... my uncle also has COVID-19 (this in addition to my aunt who caught it at work) and isn't doing well.  It's super scary and makes all of this feel so real, just after it was all starting to feel kind of far away and fading. Masks and hand washing and praying, oh my.

Spending... time here blogging & playing Jenga with the kids while Josh had the twins at the land Sunday.  It was a nice, calm day.

Watching... Carly host a tea party one morning with her favorite bubbas (what she calls stuffed animals) and Jack.  It was the cutest thing I have ever seen.  What a dream come true. 
My favorite part was when she told Jack the room needed to be more dazzling. I just can't even.

Enjoying... the progress that George & Grady are making in getting along.  George still growls and Grady occasionally barks... but I can see a marked improvement in their friendship. I'm taking it as a good sign.

Loving... my little mini-me who wants to dress like me, wear make up like me and jewelry like me.  Having a daughter just never gets old. Highly recommend.

Doing... much better emotionally now that I am on 40mg of Prozac daily.  It's crazy how much of a difference I can feel in my internal chatter (less) and happiness (more).  I'm so glad that I asked the doctor about increasing and that I tried the Buspar.  The Buspar was the not the answer (it made me crazy dizzy), but so far the extra 10mg of Prozac has been perfect. 
The medication along with more sleep and walking with Josh has helped a ton. 

Grateful... for friends checking on me while I was feeling down.  Shana, Brittany, Susan and Theresa: thank you.  They called, sent love, notes, quotes and Susan even sent me some oils to try.  My village is so, so good to me.

Playing... Pie Face with the kids on Memorial Day when we had Josh's parents over for a small BBQ & firepit time.  It was fun to make smores with the kids and visit with Carol & Carl.  And the kids loved Pie Face, although I think they would love eating whip cream even if it hadn't been smacked into their faces first. Hah!

Closing... up Josh's classroom for the year and having some feels about it.  It was a strange year for all of us- him as a teacher, our kids as students and me as a wife & mom.  It was sad to see the pictures of his classroom all ready for summer knowing he didn't get the closure he normally does at the end of the year.  It was weird to know that my kids will move on to seventh and fourth grade without having the feeling that they really completed sixth and third grades... What a strange year this has been indeed. (Not to mention I am SO curious what next year will hold...)

Attending... book club for The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek this month and loving the girls & the book.  I am so grateful for those ladies, now more than ever, because we really are in this together.  We all have bunches of kids that we are suddenly home with 24/7 and teaching digitally via "distance learning" and let me tell you, it has been a wild ride.  To have them to confide in and laugh with has made all the difference.  Gosh, I love you, ladies!!!

Testing... Carly with the recent "treat test" going around where you leave your kid with a treat in the room for a few minutes while you go out and see if they will wait until you come back to eat them.  I was surprised that Carly actually waited. And then she even offered to share her chocolate chips with me! What a good girl!! (You can see the video on my Instagram.)

Getting... a new kitten!!!  It was like serendipity the way this little one fell into our laps.  Josh's brother's girlfriend happened to have one kitten left from her litter (that I didn't even know she had!) that was ready to go home, and when Josh mentioned to Samuel that I might be wanting a kitten he mentioned the one Makayla had and the rest is history!
We got a picture of the little sweetheart that night, I said yes, and we picked her up a few days later. The kids had no idea that was what we were doing and were overjoyed that the little pumpkin was ours to keep.

Falling... head over heels in love with Molly, which is what we named our new kitten.  It's a name that was on Carly's "possible names" list when I was pregnant, and one that my sister-in-law loved for a daughter for herself (but she only had sons) so it is special to me. 
Molly is just the sweetest little baby you ever did meet, and we are all in love with her.  Grady was super sweet when he met her, and they play with each other everyday.  We have to watch Grady because he is a little big... but I think they are going to grow up to be best buddies.
George, our other cat, is not sure what to think of Molly.  Her kitten energy scares him and he's a little confused by her, but I think he will come around.
The kids and I fight over who gets to hold Molly when she's sleeping and when she's playful we all love to laugh at her antics.  She may be the most beloved kitten that ever was.

Reading... The House on the Cerulean Sea and The Call of the Wild.  The Call of the Wild has the boys interest for sure, and we can't wait to watch the movie for movie night.  The House on the Cerulean Sea is so good, I know I'll be sad when it ends.  I'm not normally one for fantasy reads, but this one is really well written and I am super invested in the characters.  It reminds me a little of Sweep by Jonathan Auxier, and also of Harry's Trees.  Just a really good story line, plus a little magic.

Talking... Wyatt through his emotions about Ramona dying.  He has had two dreams now where Ramona is alive and then he wakes up and realizes it was just a dream and he is crushed.  His poor little heart can hardly take it.  He is very worried about how George is coping and where George thinks his sister went.  I assure him that he knew his sister was suffering and that George knows she is gone and no longer in pain, but I'm not sure he believes me. 
Then one night (before we got Molly) he wrote this every complicated emotional pet graph on Carly's white board.  (You can see it above) He said Ramona is dead and that makes him and George both sad, but George and Grady are alive and that makes him happy.  I am really glad he is processing Ramona's death, but to be honest, I had no idea it would hit him this hard.
We did read a book I had been saving for a death experience called When Dinosaurs Die and it was really helpful for conversations and questions he had. It's kid friendly, but also matter of fact, which I like, but might not be for everyone. 

Collecting... heart shaped rocks (or really noticing heart shaped anything) and feeling my heart swell when my grandma told me my grandpa has started looking for heart shaped rocks as well.  Gosh I love him so much it hurts sometimes.

***

 This:

around here: week 21 2020

{May 17-23rd}

{Daddy's home!}

{pc: Carly}

{pc: Carly}

{pc: Carly}

{flashback to the first night Ramona slept with Wyatt}

Rejoicing... that Josh is home for good now that his sister's house is ready to go on the market.  It listed on Friday and had 3 showings that day! Her family will be moving here when it sells, and I can't wait to have more family here.

Reading... history aloud to the kids and almost finished with the first book in the series. We really enjoy that time every morning and I plan on continuing it throughout the summer.  (There are four books in the series.)  I also read Things You Save In A Fire & How To Not Die Alone for my Book of the Month readathon weekend, finishing with four total books in four days.

Taking... Carly to her annual eye appointment and donning our masks.  This was our first time out of the house since quarantine started other than picking up lunches at Wyatt's school in the van.  It was surreal to be out in the world, everyone masked up, aware of every.single.surface Carly touched, worrying about her touching her mask.
She did a great job, I was so proud, and we picked out the CUTEST glasses for her new prescription. I can't wait to show you all.

Deciding... it's time to put our kitty Ramona down.  She's had a bladder infection that won't heal for months now, and after two rounds of different medications she is still sick and has been getting sicker. As her mama, I just know, it's time.
Making this decision has been really hard. Telling the kids, too, was really hard.  There has been lots of tears, hugs & last memories made with her.

Hearing... confirmation that my aunt has COVID.  She is the first person I know personally to have it, and I just can't believe it.  Thankfully it's a mild case, but it is scary nonetheless.

Laughing... nearly everyday at Carly's Quarantine Fashun.  Girl is on.point. with her outfits everyday, and I've just given up caring.  I mean, at this point, why bother?!?
Also laughing at how she loves to watch her tablet inside Grady's crate.  She's such a goof!

Chatting... with my doctor during a Webex appointment (think Zoom for doctors) about my recent avocado allergy (and setting up an appointment to see an allergy doctor for further testing) and also taking advantage of the appointment to discuss my current mental health with him. (To read all the details, see my Instagram post here) We decided I would try adding Buspar daily to help with my anxiety, and increase my Prozac from 30mg to 40mg to help with my OCD/cyclical health worry thinking and feeling down. I walked away feeling so much better, and hopeful for the future.

Working... everyday on with Wyatt on his big tribe comparison project/slide show.  He's been working so hard on it, and I can't wait until he's done! Hah!

Grateful... for a husband who knows how to cheer me up when I'm feeling down.  The day I took Ramona to the vet to have her put down was (obviously) really hard for me.  When I got home, the tears just kept on falling, they wouldn't quit.  I cried off and on all day, and to try and put a smile on my face, he hung the outdoor lights we got for the back patio!  I am so excited to have these lights for when we do fires in the firepit and when we hang out out there once the kids are in bed. It was just the sweetest gesture.

Loving... Carly's art lately.  Josh's favorite phase of kids' art is when their legs come straight from the head, and that's where Carly is right now, and I have to agree- it is the cutest. She draws all the time, pictures of our family, or of me and her and Josh, and it just melts my heart.
I also love how she is all.about.the.stuffed.animals.  She sleeps with no less than twenty stuffed animals every night (am I alone in this?) despite how much I try to help her cut back, and she alternates favorites. I especially love when she feeds them or dresses them.

Learning... of my sister's friend who lost her baby, born too soon, and feeling so broken hearted and terrible that I can't do anything to fix it.  I am praying for them, hoping that God will bless them with a rainbow baby someday... like Carly was to us... but knowing that the darkness in the meantime is thicker and more lonely and empty than anything they've likely ever experienced. It is so hard. Just so hard.  And I'm so sorry any time I hear of anyone I know having to live through it.

Using... Storyline Online for the younger two to keep them entertained while I'm working with the twins on school work, and feeling so thankful for it. If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend it.  It's a collection of famous people reading storybooks for children online.  Super cool.  All four of my kids love it.

Receiving... an encouraging text from my old neighbor & friend Barb after I posted about talking to my doctor about my anxiety & medications, saying, "Hang in there girl.  These are rough waters, the boat is heavy with precious cargo none more precious than you. You are their anchor and their sail."
My eyes immediately welled with tears. It was like someone finally nailed exactly what I am trying to do here.  I am trying to be both the sail that wind uses to keep us moving, but also the weighted anchor that everyone clings to in times of trial, and if that's not an impossible task, I don't know what is.
So mama's, if you feel like what you're doing is impossible, you're right. It is. So make sure you take care of you. You are some of that precious cargo, too.  Barb said so!

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