One Month Old

These rainbow babies are no joke.  The joy that Carly brings into my life feels immeasurably brighter because of the losses I suffered before her.  Just holding her in my arms, the weight of her body against mine, feels like a miracle.  It is the best feeling in the whole world.

I have been thinking back the last few days, to those dark, dark times in Marshall when I had just lost the first baby and was trying to be strong & grateful for the boys I had...  I was so sad. So hollow.  So empty.  My womb had literally been scraped out and all of me felt raw because of it.

I had no idea (how could I???) of the good that was to come.  Of the triumphs that would follow the trials...  It feels so good to be on this side of it now.

Carly has been here with us for a month now.  It's just like everyone says-- it feels impossible that it's been that long; and it also feels like she's been part of our family forever. 

She's mastered nursing, sans nipple shield, and is gaining 10 ounces each week (grow baby grow!), making mama so proud & relieved.  She is so close to smiling at us, we can hardly stand it.  I am dying for the boys to evoke a grin from her, as I think they might explode from excitement when that day finally comes!

She sleeps every night from 10 until 3, give or take.  Then she eats like a little champ, and we sleep again until brothers come in at 6:30 to tell us the light has turned green.  I am so grateful she sleeps, as I am sure that's the only reason I am managing this whole "solo parenting four kids" thing.  (Well, that and the amazing help I've gotten from the "village" that surrounds us-- my parents, Josh's parents, our sisters, my friends... They've all gone above & beyond to carry me through this tough post partum time without Josh.)

She loves to be worn in the sling, enjoys riding in the car as long as we don't stop, and is the most alert baby anyone has ever seen. (Or at least so they tell me.)  

But most importantly, she is loved.  She is loved by her parents, her brothers, her extended family and by all of you who walked beside me through those dark times of loss.  Thank you for loving our girl.  And for carrying me through the storm to this rainbow on the other side.  

What an incredible journey.

1 comment:

Tabitha Studer said...

eeeee!! That precious, sweet, squishy baby girl! I am so happy to read all of this and see all her pictures and feel the real love through your words. What a lucky girl, but what a lucky family too! What a precious child with her sleeping and giving everyone joy even when it's a hard time with Josh away. She is like actual magic. So happy for you guys and always sending love and good thoughts your way, Momma! xxoxx