around here: week 21 2020

{May 17-23rd}

{Daddy's home!}

{pc: Carly}

{pc: Carly}

{pc: Carly}

{flashback to the first night Ramona slept with Wyatt}

Rejoicing... that Josh is home for good now that his sister's house is ready to go on the market.  It listed on Friday and had 3 showings that day! Her family will be moving here when it sells, and I can't wait to have more family here.

Reading... history aloud to the kids and almost finished with the first book in the series. We really enjoy that time every morning and I plan on continuing it throughout the summer.  (There are four books in the series.)  I also read Things You Save In A Fire & How To Not Die Alone for my Book of the Month readathon weekend, finishing with four total books in four days.

Taking... Carly to her annual eye appointment and donning our masks.  This was our first time out of the house since quarantine started other than picking up lunches at Wyatt's school in the van.  It was surreal to be out in the world, everyone masked up, aware of every.single.surface Carly touched, worrying about her touching her mask.
She did a great job, I was so proud, and we picked out the CUTEST glasses for her new prescription. I can't wait to show you all.

Deciding... it's time to put our kitty Ramona down.  She's had a bladder infection that won't heal for months now, and after two rounds of different medications she is still sick and has been getting sicker. As her mama, I just know, it's time.
Making this decision has been really hard. Telling the kids, too, was really hard.  There has been lots of tears, hugs & last memories made with her.

Hearing... confirmation that my aunt has COVID.  She is the first person I know personally to have it, and I just can't believe it.  Thankfully it's a mild case, but it is scary nonetheless.

Laughing... nearly everyday at Carly's Quarantine Fashun.  Girl is on.point. with her outfits everyday, and I've just given up caring.  I mean, at this point, why bother?!?
Also laughing at how she loves to watch her tablet inside Grady's crate.  She's such a goof!

Chatting... with my doctor during a Webex appointment (think Zoom for doctors) about my recent avocado allergy (and setting up an appointment to see an allergy doctor for further testing) and also taking advantage of the appointment to discuss my current mental health with him. (To read all the details, see my Instagram post here) We decided I would try adding Buspar daily to help with my anxiety, and increase my Prozac from 30mg to 40mg to help with my OCD/cyclical health worry thinking and feeling down. I walked away feeling so much better, and hopeful for the future.

Working... everyday on with Wyatt on his big tribe comparison project/slide show.  He's been working so hard on it, and I can't wait until he's done! Hah!

Grateful... for a husband who knows how to cheer me up when I'm feeling down.  The day I took Ramona to the vet to have her put down was (obviously) really hard for me.  When I got home, the tears just kept on falling, they wouldn't quit.  I cried off and on all day, and to try and put a smile on my face, he hung the outdoor lights we got for the back patio!  I am so excited to have these lights for when we do fires in the firepit and when we hang out out there once the kids are in bed. It was just the sweetest gesture.

Loving... Carly's art lately.  Josh's favorite phase of kids' art is when their legs come straight from the head, and that's where Carly is right now, and I have to agree- it is the cutest. She draws all the time, pictures of our family, or of me and her and Josh, and it just melts my heart.
I also love how she is all.about.the.stuffed.animals.  She sleeps with no less than twenty stuffed animals every night (am I alone in this?) despite how much I try to help her cut back, and she alternates favorites. I especially love when she feeds them or dresses them.

Learning... of my sister's friend who lost her baby, born too soon, and feeling so broken hearted and terrible that I can't do anything to fix it.  I am praying for them, hoping that God will bless them with a rainbow baby someday... like Carly was to us... but knowing that the darkness in the meantime is thicker and more lonely and empty than anything they've likely ever experienced. It is so hard. Just so hard.  And I'm so sorry any time I hear of anyone I know having to live through it.

Using... Storyline Online for the younger two to keep them entertained while I'm working with the twins on school work, and feeling so thankful for it. If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend it.  It's a collection of famous people reading storybooks for children online.  Super cool.  All four of my kids love it.

Receiving... an encouraging text from my old neighbor & friend Barb after I posted about talking to my doctor about my anxiety & medications, saying, "Hang in there girl.  These are rough waters, the boat is heavy with precious cargo none more precious than you. You are their anchor and their sail."
My eyes immediately welled with tears. It was like someone finally nailed exactly what I am trying to do here.  I am trying to be both the sail that wind uses to keep us moving, but also the weighted anchor that everyone clings to in times of trial, and if that's not an impossible task, I don't know what is.
So mama's, if you feel like what you're doing is impossible, you're right. It is. So make sure you take care of you. You are some of that precious cargo, too.  Barb said so!

***

around here: week 20 2020

{May 10-16th}

 

{baby wyatt!}

Celebrating... Mother's Day with Josh out of town helping his sister finish her house to get it on the market.  We were missing him fierce the whole time he was gone (I don't think I have ever missed him so much, and I lived an entire school year without him when Carly was a newborn-), single parenting during COVID not being my strong suit, but the kids came in strong for my special day, making me coffee and muffins (our family favorite, Jiffy from the box) and Logan even called Grandma Carol to see if she would take them for the afternoon and give mommy some time off duty.  Sooo sweet!
Their cards melted my heart and I felt so proud (and blessed) to be their mommy.

Porch visiting... with my girl Shana during my afternoon off from the kiddos, and enjoying the Starbuck's and beautiful rose she brought me while we chatted.  These are strange times, indeed, but we're all making the best of it.

Seeing... Jack's gorgeous straight smile for the first time with his braces off on Monday after a long overdue orthodontist appointment. Carly and I waited in the car during his appointment- she played and I read- and he came out looking soo handsome! Now I can't wait to see Logan's come off!

Laughing... (and sharing on social media) about my amazing quarantine fashun sense and hearing that I am not alone. Unwashed hair in a messy bun, coupled with day-old clothes with unidentifiable stains, bags under our eyes from sleepless nights while rocking the highest weights we've ever been, somehow us mama's are making it through. #fistbump We got this, ladies.

Reading... Writers & Lovers and feeling that pull to write again.  Such a good read, and so fun to underline and be inspired by.  And also reading Nothing to See Here, which as a mom and former nanny I really enjoyed. It was a quick read and one I recommend.
I read both of those as the start of my #kelseysbotmreadathon weekend, hoping to get through four books, and they made for a strong start! I also copied some other bookstagrammers and made time lapse recordings of myself reading (you can see them under my highlights on my Instagram page profile) and those were super fun to see.  I get interrupted when I'm reading a LOT (hello four kids!) but that doesn't deter me.  And it makes the times when I do get uninterrupted reading time feel like a real luxury!

Watching... Ten Things I Hate About You on Disney one of the nights while Josh was gone and feeling all the junior high feels.  Gosh how I sometimes wish I could go back to the innocence of those years and tell myself to relax and enjoy the ride.

Happy... for my sister as she brought her former foster daughter for a little visit.  It's so good to see her in pictures and Facetime with her.  She has the BEST faces and says the funniest things. I adore her, and the relationship she and Carly has is hilarious. I love them.

Struggling... with keeping the kids caught up in school, and with parenting these rambunctious boys on my own half of this week. Our district doesn't know yet when our last day will be.  It could be as late as June 19th, but we're hoping to get out earlier since our online learning started pretty much immediately after we shut down.  Fingers crossed. 
As for the fighting, half the time, I try to run a tight ship and half the time, I remember what Josh tells me and that is, brothers fight. It's what they do.  Mostly, I'm just tired.  And man alive if they aren't the loudest bunch of kids you ever heard.

Recording... three things I'm grateful for everyday in my "Three Moments A Day" journal every evening even if it's a challenge (hah!) and finding it really does help me through the hard days.

Picking up... the twins belongings from their lockers at the middle school.  They had a good system in the parking lot where you checked in at one vehicle (from your vehicle) and then drove around to the other side to pick up your bag of items.  Logan was overjoyed to be reunited with his gorgeous new Nike shoes that he left in his PE lockers and we laughed to find his old cell phone still charged & working.

Suffering... random physical panic attacks throughout the week at different times during the day.  Heart pounding, arms feeling like buzzing bees, vision narrowing.  Just the worst. I really hate them when they come on at bedtime.  They usually feel like heartburn/a semi-truck parked on my chest, and I can't catch my breath.  When I get them at bedtime I take some of my anti-anxiety meds.  (I take Hydroxyzine, which is a relative of Benadryl and was a safe anti-anxiety drug to take while breastfeeding Carly.) But I found this week that on the days following the nights when I took it, I was left feeling very lethargic and almost hung-over feeling.  Not good. Blah. I hope I start feeling better soon.

Hugging... Josh SO tight when he got home on Wednesday evening. Boy I missed him!!! His face was all scruffy from not shaving (which normally drives me crazy) but I did not care a whit. I just loved him and hugged him and even told him he was so handsome and rugged all unshaven. It was so good to have my husband (and co-parent!) back.

Speechless... when I sat at the table as Carly held a humongous knife up to me along with a block of cheese and asked, "Will you cut me a chunk of cheese?!?" This girl. I tell you. I don't know where she comes up with this stuff... but she keeps us all on our toes.

Loving... on my mother-in-law's kitty, Peppercorn, when I dropped Carly & Wyatt off to spend the day with Grandma & Papa.  Peppercorn is so friendly and cute. His paws are huge, and he's so strong, even though he's still young. He even tried to get in the van with me. Haha!

Enjoying... another family campfire Thursday and loving us some smores!!

Reacting... to avocado on my nachos Saturday and having to call 9-1-1 because the advice nurse was worried.  She said since my tongue was swelling up, not just my lips, and I was home alone with four kids, she was concerned my throat my be next, and it'd be best not to take any chances.
Thankfully the Benadryl I took immediately upon noticing the hives inside my lips did its job, and the EMT's said I was fine.  Phew!
Now I just need to call my primary doc to set up some allergy testing to see what's going on. So strange!!

***