Week 46 Around Here {2019}

Hosting... a herd of boys on Friday when the twins had their friends (who are also identical twins) over, in addition to their friend Hayden who lives in the neighborhood.  They all had a great time, shooting Nerf guns and jumping on the trampoline.  We ended the night watching Men In Black and I was pleasantly surprised with how well behaved they all were.

Spending... Saturday with the kids while Josh worked on his parent's house with his brother.  They got some lighting done in the attic and crawl space and just had some kid-free adult time, which he so deserves.  The kids and I played perler beads (thanks for the idea, Christi!) for much of the afternoon and then had movie night, enjoying pizza & cookies. 

Suffering... a migraine all day Sunday which was the WORST because Josh took the boys to the land to ride their four wheelers and instead of enjoying a day of rest with just my girl, I was suffering and sad the whole day.  I have had a migraine at least every other day since Halloween.  And I've even had mild migraines in between, but I've been able to control those without having to take my Sumatriptan, which takes the migraine away, but makes me feel miserable for at least two hours in between.  And I'm only supposed to take that stuff 9x a month, or I can get rebound headaches, which I do NOT want. So by Sunday, I was feeling really hopeless about these stupid migraines. 

Working out... for the first time in months, and feeling great about it.  With the number of migraines I've had in the last three weeks, I knew something had to give, so I have weaned myself off coffee (it can mess with my headaches) and decided I needed to get back to my workouts. I am walking for 20 minutes outside or doing my 5 Mega Miles walking video with Leslie Sansone.  They end up being between 15 & 20 minutes as well.  Working out is great because it helps with my stress level (hello two middle schoolers) and it helps me sleep better. Win/win.

Snuggling... up in my bed to read Thanksgiving stories with the kids on Monday while Josh was gone to watch the Seahawks game with my brother-in-law in Wenatchee.  It felt so good to have them all together, in cozy blankets, reading some of my favorite fall books about gratitude and coming together to celebrate.  I think reading picture books will be one of the things I'll miss most about having small children once they're grown.

Reading... Every Other Weekend, which is just the saddest book. I am not sure if I will finish it, or just put it down. It's about a girl in the midst of her parents divorce, traversing life between two houses, and is truly so sad.  I am also listening to Us Against You, the follow up to Bear Town, and enjoying it more as it continues. 

"He just knows that when something happens to your child

it doesn't make any difference whose fault it is,

because it never stops being your fault regardless.

Why weren't you there?

Why weren't you enough?"

*

"Being a mother can be like drying out the foundations of a house 

or mending a roof- it takes time, sweat, and money, and once it's done, 

everything looks exactly the same as it did before.  

It's not the sort of thing anyone gives you praise for."

-Us Against You

I finished Murder At The Brightwell and O Pioneers! earlier this week and enjoyed both.  I'm not sure what I will pick up next. What are you reading?

Getting... excited for my birthday (Monday the 18th) as I watch the boys make me homemade gifts like the "candle holder" Jack made me out of a strawberry soda can this weekend. They are such thoughtful, sweet boys (when they want to be- hah!) and I love to see that come out when they are gift giving.

Worrying... over Wyatt on Monday night as he was suffering a fever that topped out at 103.7 and started having ear pain as well.  His brothers hooked him up with a genius ear pain stopper, though, using my headband to wrap the heating pad around his ears to help with the discomfort, and I busted up laughing when I walked in the room to see what they had engineered.

Grateful... (beyond grateful) that Josh was able to stay home for the day Tuesday with Wyatt who was so sick with an ear infection and sore throat while I went to 8 parent/teacher conferences. (One at the elementary school and seven at the middle school) He said he had so much fun staying home and playing with Carly, reading her books and snuggling her.  It's crazy, and we talk about it all the time, but her being our last really changes some of the ways we parent her. Not in drastic ways, but just in the way we cherish every little stage.  We know that she won't always want to play "pups" with us; she won't always want to curl up in our lap with a cozy blanket and picture book.  We know that these days are fleeting and before we know it, she'll be a sixth grader, coming home with a forty pound backpack, and an attitude to match. ;)  So we gotta get while the getting's good.

Listening... to Laura Kelley's interview with Taylor Nichols on her Speak Life podcast. It's a long one (an hour and a half) but it's so, so good.  It's all about adoption and grief and how to better navigate those.  I have learned SO much from following Laura on Instagram (ie- not to say "They are so lucky to have you!" to adopted kids, and to just SHOW UP for people grieving in the best way I know how.  If that's dropping off a meal, great. If that's taking a kid for an hour, cool.  If that's cleaning their house, awesome.  Whatever you do, just do it. Just show up, and keep showing up.)  Laura's experience of losing her son Everett has reminded me that we are not guaranteed time on this earth (for ourselves, or our children) and it's a reminder we need sometimes, so that we don't take this sweet, hard, good, amazing life for granted.

Enjoying... a delicious hour and a half to myself on Thursday while Carly was at Grandma's and the boys were in school.  (The boys all had early release this week, so instead of an entire day to myself I only had that little bit of time.) I made the most of it, though, taking myself on a cold walk (it was 38 degrees & foggy) and then enjoying a bit of my favorite guilty pleasure- watching TLC's Unexpected. It was just what I needed, albeit not long enough, and I'm grateful for every bit of alone time I can manage these days.

Attending... three more conferences on Thursday afternoon at the middle school that were so taxing.  The boys are trying in most classes, but in these others, not so much.  Their behavior (for the most part) is really good, as are their grades, but they are still struggling with some things, and as a mom, there is only so much I can do.  The difference in middle school is that the responsibility falls squarely on their shoulders and my ability to help is somewhat limited.  This transition has been a tough one. 
That, coupled with the hormones, sass and backtalk left me completely gutted yesterday. 
All I can see is years of this (daily homework, never ending parental guidance, constant arguing) stretching out before me, and it's quite daunting...
Thank God for bedtime and the fresh start of tomorrow morning.

Looking forward... to celebrating my birthday this weekend with a special day with my sister and best friend.  I haven't gotten out of the house in a while, and am so excited to spend some time with some of my favorite people.

***

I want this to happen so badly!

Around Here: Week 46 {2018}

I cracked up when my sister sent this to me with the caption:
"Carly's Asian doppleganger" 
#totally

Working out... five days this week.  I've been waking up before the kids and doing my Leslie Sansone Walking video, which is great.  After my workout, I have been meditating, which is such a lovely way to start the day.  A couple times I also worked out after the kids were awake and I'm happy to report that at their current ages, that was actually okay as well.

Staying... overnight with my girlfriend Shana at a hotel here in town to celebrate my birthday early.  She was so sweet and splurged on us so we could both get away from our kids & responsibilities for a night.  We got good food and watched HGTV and talked and talked and talked. It was so lovely.  I'm so blessed by her friendship and the time together was so filling to my soul.

Waking up... to what looked like snow on Sunday morning at the hotel.  It turns out it was actually just freezing fog, but the whole town looked magical and sparkly.  The wintery magic continued Monday & Tuesday as well.

Discovering... that I am highly effected by the weather.  It creates a lot of anxiety for me, trying to prepare the kids for the weather (making sure they are wearing the right gear, making sure they are warm enough), trying to prepare our house for the coming weather...  I was really nervous for the fall, and now that fall is nearly over, I was getting really nervous for the winter.  But now I am trying really hard to embrace the seasons and all they hold.  Throughout the fall, I lit candles and cozied up with good books and sweaters.  Now that the weather is in the twenties every morning, I'm wearing my winter hats (I love hats!) and turning on my heating blanket twenty minutes before bed every night.
The other night I was washing my face & slipping into my pajamas before dinner and I could hear Josh and the kids in the kitchen.  He was finishing dinner, and the twins were setting the table, and I thought, "I love this time of year." The thought surprised me, but I knew it was true. It was about 5:30pm, completely dark outside, but inside our house felt so warm and full.  I found myself feeling so grateful for this little family we have created and the joy we have together, no matter the weather.  It was a good feeling.  I guess saying goodbye to summer isn't all bad.

Laughing... as every morning I go in to find Carly naked in her crib.  When you ask her why she's naked, she rubs her belly exaggeratedly on her super-cozy blanket from Nanny (my mom) and says, "I wanted to feel the cozy!" Thankfully, she leaves her diaper on!!!

Grieving... another seizure on Sunday which ended a nine day streak of no seizures for Logan.  This one, for some reason, hit me really hard.  I think maybe because I wasn't there (I was at the hotel with my girlfriend) but also because I had really put my hope in his new secondary medication.  The good news is that he's not on the full dose yet (and won't be for another week) so there is still hope that he will hit the sweet spot and it will work to stop his seizures.
I just found myself wanting to know whyyyyy he keeps having them, and wishing I could stop them.  He was playing outside with the neighbor kids when he felt it coming, and he told them.  He got himself safely to the sidewalk, and our neighbor boy had to run to our front door to get Josh and tell him Logan was having a seizure.  I just hate this life so much for Logan. Of course, things could be worse, and I often remind myself of that, but things could also be better-- he could have nothing wrong, like Jack.  He could be perfectly healthy like his identical twin brother.
Life can just be so confusing sometimes.

Spending... the rest of the weekend cleaning the house and going to the grocery store as usual.  I have started making sure those two things get done over the weekend so that I can spend the time that the boys are in school relaxing or getting other big things crossed off my to do list.  I like the kids to come with me to the grocery store (to help) and they are in charge of a lot of the house cleaning now (the twins alternate bathroom cleaning and vacuuming) so getting it done on the weekends just makes sense. It's so nice to start the week off with a full fridge and a clean house!!!

Relishing...  having Monday off for Veteran's Day.  I'm telling you, if we could have a three-day weekend every weekend, we would get so much done!  With three days off there is enough time for work and pleasure.  We got time to relax and time to cross things off our to do list.
This Monday I took the twins shopping with me.  I had a bunch of random errands to run and they have had terrible attitudes about running errands lately, so I made them come with me.  It actually ended up being really fun to have them tag along with me, and I think we will do it more often.  They may not love it, but it is a nice way to spend a little special time together.

Surviving... early release all week this week for parent/teacher conferences.  I have dropped the boys off at 9:00, just to turn around and pick them up again at 11:30 (I go early to get a good spot in the parent pick up line #momlife) while eating my lunch in my car everyday.  Our parent/teacher conferences were on Tuesday, back to back to back, and the kids actually did surprisingly well, considering I had all four of them for all three conferences.  Logan's teacher said that he is so respectful and empathetic and polite and that he just needs to work on talking less in class.  Jack's teacher said she loves having him in class, and that he's super friendly and respectful, and he just needs to work on talking less in class.  (Hah! I love that both twins need to work on the same thing.)  Wyatt's teacher said that he is a joy to have in class, that he is super smart (excelling in math and reading beyond his grade level) and that the only thing he could improve on is his desk organization, which surprised me & cracked me up. He held his little hands up above his shoulders & shrugged, and we all giggled.  He said it is a mess in there.  Haha!

Loving... our beautiful new bedding!  For my birthday Josh asked me what I really wanted (other than tennis shoes, which I needed) and I told him I wanted a new bed set.  So I took myself (and the twins) out to chose something new.  I went to Ross and found a beautiful light purple comforter (for only $23.99!), a set of brand new 400 thread count sheets, and some new throw pillows for both the bed and loveseat we have in our room.  I am in love with how our room looks!  It's so nice to have such a lovely place to retire to each night.

Walking... the twins through their twice yearly dentist appointment.  Jack was up in the night beforehand, worrying obsessively about if he was going to have cavities.  I assured him that while I don't want him to have any cavities, if he ever gets one, it will not be the end of the world.  It was causing him so much anxiety. 
Thankfully the next morning they were both cavity free, and their mouths look great!  We are faithful about brushing twice a day, but we need to get better about having the kids floss.

Luxuriating... in our living room with new curtains that Wyatt helped me pick out.  I was having trouble choosing, going back and forth, and back and forth, and he pulled the ones we chose off the shelf and said he liked them.  I hadn't even noticed them before that.  But they are really gorgeous!

Organizing... the office, or at least getting started on it.  I still have a ways to go, but it feels good to have it started.  It's the last room left in the house that needs to be sorted & organized!  It got REALLY bad before I finally tackled it, but that just means the results feel even more amazing. Hah!

Reading... The Untethered Soul while drinking tea, bundled up under blankets and also spending lots of time journaling.  I have also been reading Thanksgiving books to Wyatt & Carly from our collection.  We love Thanks for Thanksgiving. The art is my favorite, and Carly likes pointing out all the kitties & puppies!
I also finished listening to A Spark of Light by Jodi Picoult on audio, but I did not care for it at all.

Feeding... Carly way too much candy because it's impossible to tell her no. Thankfully the Halloween candy is now officially gone, so it shouldn't be a problem anymore.  She loves candy, but luckily she also loves fruit & veggies.  Otherwise, we'd be in trouble!

Delighting... in the new cubbies that Josh and his brother built me. I've dreamed of these cubbies since we moved in, and this week, they are complete!!!  I love them! The kids have two baskets each (for mittens, gloves & hats), a place for their boots & shoes, and three hooks- 2 for coats & 1 for their backpacks.  They are epic!  (Thanks Josh & Samuel! You are the BEST!)

Taking... Wyatt to the follow up appointment for his sleep study Thursday (after getting the day wrong and trying to take him on Wednesday #momfail) and getting some disturbing news.  It's normal for people to stop breathing up to 5x an hour while they are sleeping.
Wyatt stops breathing 24x an hour.  He has Obstructive Sleep Apnea.  The solution for this is an adenoid and tonsillectomy.  After he has those removed and is all healed, we will do a repeat sleep study to make sure they have solved the problem.  (In 70-90% of cases, the removals solve the obstructive sleep apnea.)
The scarier issue is that Wyatt also has Central Sleep Apneas, periods of time where his brain is forgetting to tell his body to breathe.  Those are happening 17x an hour.  And that is not normal for a child. At all.  The doctor asked us if Wyatt had had any head injuries, and I looked at Wyatt, racking my brain, trying to remember if he had had any head injuries recently, and Wyatt came through and remembered that he had cracked his head open in July during a pillow fight with his brothers.  The doctor then started explaining that head injuries can take time to heal and that was probably why those were happening.

Literally as he was talking, I suddenly remembered that Wyatt had had a terrible fall at the pool {see pool injury photos below} shortly after cracking his head open.  (I have since looked and it turns out, it was exactly two months after his pillow fight accident.)  I told the doctor and he looked serious. He said secondary injuries to the same area are not good for the head.  But he said the only thing that helps is time.  Wyatt had his sleep study about six weeks after that second injury.  So our hope is that with more time, his brain will continue healing, and it will remember to tell him to breathe consistently.  If not, we will follow up with an appointment to see a neurologist.
In the meantime, our course of action is to get his tonsils and adenoids out to address the Obstructive Sleep Apnea, and to pray for his brain to heal and solve the Central Sleep Apnea.

{I had freshly cut his hair that morning, hence the haircut marks}

Driving... to Wenatchee to see a movie with my sister for my birthday.  We decided to see Instant Family because I love Mark Wahlberg and foster care is my sister's passion.  It was such a good movie, so well done.  The perfect mix of serious emotions and laughter.  We both loved it.

Hosting... a playdate at our house after school Friday, with a playmate for each of the boys, plus one neighbor boy, meaning we had seven boys, ages 7-11 at our house from noon to four Friday.  It was a little loud & crazy, but they all had a great time, and I felt like a good mom, so it was totally worth the mess & headache. Bonus was that it wore them out so completely, they were all ready for bed extra early that night!  #momwin

Connecting... with this quote from A Spark of Light, even though I didn't love the book:

"Parenthood was like awakening to find a soap bubble in the cup of your palm and being told you had to carry it while you parachuted from a dizzying height, climbed a mountain range, battled on the front lines... All you wanted to do was tuck it away, safe from natural disasters and violence and prejudice and sarcasm, but that was not an option.  You lived in daily fear of watching it burst, of breaking it yourself.  Somehow you knew that if it disappeared, you would too."

-A Spark of Light

Jodi Picoult

Lately parenting the twins in particular has been challenging.  They are growing and stretching and bucking against all the boundaries, and it's been so hard.  I definitely identify with the fear of breaking it myself.  I try and try with all my  might to do my best, but I know that no matter what I do, none of it will be perfect.  And that's really frustrating.  Luckily, perfection is not required.

This week I also came across this:

This is everything.

I love the reminder to:

breathe in the amazing

hold on through the awful

and relax and exhale during the ordinary...

Such beautiful reminders.

***

Around Here: Week 46

Super useful gem for those of us who send out Christmas cards!!

Amazing kid-approved recipe from The Mom 100 Cookbook

Quieting down... on social media this week.  My sweet sister-in-law texted today to check on me- and I had to tell her I'm good, it's just been so busy here! The boys had late start Monday and then early release Tuesday through Friday, plus three dentist appointments and a teething sister means it's been kids, kids, kids! And! On top of that, I started my job. So yeah, it's been a busy week.  Busy in a good way.

Starting... my job as a teacher for VIPkid.  It's a program that teaches English in a one-on-one online setting with students in Beijing.  I wake up at 3:30 or 4:00am to teach (they are 16 hours ahead of us here on the west coast) while my kids are still sleeping.  Waking up that early is brutal, but once I am teaching, I really enjoy it. The kids are so sweet and smart and the company really does most of the work for you.

Considering... how much I want to stay home with my kids.  As we have settled into life with a mortgage (just over a year now) and the expense of four kids plus home ownership (hello new windows! hello weather proofing!) we have discovered that Josh's teacher paycheck doesn't stretch far enough.  I originally thought I could run my Etsy shop and bring in enough money to make up the difference (honestly, even $200 more a month would feel enormous!) but finding time to make cards while still caring for the household, three boys and a toddler was nearly impossible.  Especially on weeks when someone is sick. And now that school has started, it seems that someone is always sick.

So I had a choice to make.  And I remembered a friend of mine (who also has four kids) talking about how great this job was.  It pays ~$20/hr and can be done from the comfort of your own home with nearly zero start up cost (you do need a headset with a mic, and some props are helpful, plus a white board).  This opportunity means I can do my job, and by the time the kids are up, it's done. I can focus on them 100% during their waking hours, as opposed to the Etsy job, which meant spending some of my time with them in the office working.  Needing to find a job that worked around my job as a stay-at-home mom cemented to me how much of a priority it is for me to be home with them.

The night before I started Logan was telling me that he was having bad feelings about being greedy and asking for things at the store. I quickly figured out he was having guilt for my having to work. I assured him that while balancing a job with being a mom was going to be a new challenge, it was one that I was more than willing to take on so that we don't have to worry about money and we can all have that we need.  Such a tender heart in that one.

Hanging... with cousins last weekend when my sister and her husband brought their kids over for a visit.  It was so good to see their sweet baby (love her!) and the boys all had a blast together.  This weekend we'll see her again, as she's offered to take our family pictures for our Christmas cards.  (My favorite holiday tradition!)

Attending.... parent-teacher conferences for our three bigs.  I was so proud to hear that Jack & Logan are well liked by their teachers, respectful & easy to teach.  I am hopeful that they can work on slowing down & staying focused.  (It was seriously bizarre how much it felt like deja vu to sit in one twins' conference after another, hearing the exact same issues both times- being easily distracted and going too fast!)  I was so proud to hear that Wyatt has passed every Readwell unit for first grade and is on third grade spelling.  I am hopeful to help him memorize his math facts & find ways to challenge him despite how advanced he is. Seeing how well Wyatt is doing makes me regret homeschooling the twins as long as I did.  I talked to Josh about those feelings and he assured me we made the best decisions we could at the time.  I felt really strongly about homeschooling in Alaska, and the year we spent in Vancouver we were unsure what the future held, so homeschooling made sense then, too.  It's only in hindsight that I wish I had sent them.  (For my homeschooling friends- my biggest regret is not having the twins memorize simple addition and subtraction problems! They still have to count, on their fingers, to add 9+5 for instance.  Learn from my mistake. Ha!)

Talking... about smoking with the twins.  They're discussing it with the school counselor when she comes in their classrooms and it's lead to some good conversations.  They want to know why people smoke when they know it's bad for them, they want to know why tobacco companies target children, and they want to know how long it takes to quit once you start.  We have talked a lot about how quickly you get addicted and how important it is to not even try it once.  I am proud to say Josh and I never tried cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol (while underage) and that's a nice platform to be on when talking to our kids about making good, safe choices for their bodies.

Nursing... Carly, but seeing that it will soon be coming to an end.  I was going to keep going at least until her second birthday (January 24th), but at this rate, we will be done long before that. She is distracted when I feed her, and even when she's tired, she's pulling off before she falls asleep so she can "talk" to me.  So today at nap time after she quit nursing I sang a song and laid her in her crib awake.  So from this moment forward, I am not going to nurse "on demand" anymore.  I will only be nursing at nap and bedtime.  Then I will slowly eliminate those as well.

Reading... The Handmaid's Tale on my Kindle Paperwhite, and loving it! (The kindle & the book.)  I am so glad to be reading again after a month long break.  I knew October was hard for me, but looking at my reading record, I can really see how much my emotions impact my ability to focus & follow through on reading.  After reading it, I'm hoping to watch The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu.  I hear it's great!  As for reading, when the book is done, I think I'll move on to the Winter Street series from Elin Hilderbrand that I read every holiday season.

Putting... a lot of effort into home life lately.  We're working on eating a little healthier, so I've been making some new recipes.  I also spent a few days last weekend working on reorganizing the office after a generous friend of mine gave me a TON of her old craft stuff. (Thanks Shana!)  I also decorated for Thanksgiving and made plans with my sister for the big day.

I was re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (which I re-read in tiny bits like soothing balm for my soul) and I came across this quote: "This is what makes us persevere through a life: to see Him who is invisible."  To me it says that finding God in the little things (an unprompted hug from my nine year olds, waking up next to my husband each morning, a spectacular sunset) is what can allow me to face hard days with a joyful heart.  It's been a good marble to roll around in my head this week as I traversed half days, a cranky baby with a wonky nap schedule & my new job.

Feeling... so grateful for the ordinary in my days.  The kids reading books in the morning light that streams in the front window; Jack unloading the dishwasher, always helping with the chores; Logan working on his math skills on Xtra math at the computer; loads of laundry waiting to be put away; morning diaper change giggles; making special after-school snacks (melted chocolate chips & giant pretzel sticks dipped in sprinkles for the win!); Play-doh with all four kids; how Carly wants to snuggle brothers whenever they lay on the couch; Carly's toddler walk to and from Wyatt's classroom every morning; waiting in the parking lot with Carly for afternoon pick up... This week those regular magic moments really stood out.

Planning... to see Wonder with the twins tomorrow for my birthday.  We read the book this summer and loved it (I may have cried hysterically and embarrassed them at the end) and I can't wait to see it in the theater.  Also tomorrow we're going to make my birthday cake (I bought candy rocks to decorate it with because I am a geology nerd) and have family movie night where the boys will redeem their "reading pizza" coupons for personal pan pizzas.  It should be a really fun family day and I can't wait!  (Wish me luck.  I also bought 35 actual candles to put on my cake. I'm hoping I can a) blow them all out and b) not set the house on fire. Hah!)

***