Showing posts with label One Thousand Gifts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label One Thousand Gifts. Show all posts

11.17.2017

Around Here: Week 46










Super useful gem for those of us who send out Christmas cards!!






Amazing kid-approved recipe from The Mom 100 Cookbook






Quieting down... on social media this week.  My sweet sister-in-law texted today to check on me- and I had to tell her I'm good, it's just been so busy here! The boys had late start Monday and then early release Tuesday through Friday, plus three dentist appointments and a teething sister means it's been kids, kids, kids! And! On top of that, I started my job. So yeah, it's been a busy week.  Busy in a good way.

Starting... my job as a teacher for VIPkid.  It's a program that teaches English in a one-on-one online setting with students in Beijing.  I wake up at 3:30 or 4:00am to teach (they are 16 hours ahead of us here on the west coast) while my kids are still sleeping.  Waking up that early is brutal, but once I am teaching, I really enjoy it. The kids are so sweet and smart and the company really does most of the work for you.

Considering... how much I want to stay home with my kids.  As we have settled into life with a mortgage (just over a year now) and the expense of four kids plus home ownership (hello new windows! hello weather proofing!) we have discovered that Josh's teacher paycheck doesn't stretch far enough.  I originally thought I could run my Etsy shop and bring in enough money to make up the difference (honestly, even $200 more a month would feel enormous!) but finding time to make cards while still caring for the household, three boys and a toddler was nearly impossible.  Especially on weeks when someone is sick. And now that school has started, it seems that someone is always sick.

So I had a choice to make.  And I remembered a friend of mine (who also has four kids) talking about how great this job was.  It pays ~$20/hr and can be done from the comfort of your own home with nearly zero start up cost (you do need a headset with a mic, and some props are helpful, plus a white board).  This opportunity means I can do my job, and by the time the kids are up, it's done. I can focus on them 100% during their waking hours, as opposed to the Etsy job, which meant spending some of my time with them in the office working.  Needing to find a job that worked around my job as a stay-at-home mom cemented to me how much of a priority it is for me to be home with them.

The night before I started Logan was telling me that he was having bad feelings about being greedy and asking for things at the store. I quickly figured out he was having guilt for my having to work. I assured him that while balancing a job with being a mom was going to be a new challenge, it was one that I was more than willing to take on so that we don't have to worry about money and we can all have that we need.  Such a tender heart in that one.

Hanging... with cousins last weekend when my sister and her husband brought their kids over for a visit.  It was so good to see their sweet baby (love her!) and the boys all had a blast together.  This weekend we'll see her again, as she's offered to take our family pictures for our Christmas cards.  (My favorite holiday tradition!)

Attending.... parent-teacher conferences for our three bigs.  I was so proud to hear that Jack & Logan are well liked by their teachers, respectful & easy to teach.  I am hopeful that they can work on slowing down & staying focused.  (It was seriously bizarre how much it felt like deja vu to sit in one twins' conference after another, hearing the exact same issues both times- being easily distracted and going too fast!)  I was so proud to hear that Wyatt has passed every Readwell unit for first grade and is on third grade spelling.  I am hopeful to help him memorize his math facts & find ways to challenge him despite how advanced he is. Seeing how well Wyatt is doing makes me regret homeschooling the twins as long as I did.  I talked to Josh about those feelings and he assured me we made the best decisions we could at the time.  I felt really strongly about homeschooling in Alaska, and the year we spent in Vancouver we were unsure what the future held, so homeschooling made sense then, too.  It's only in hindsight that I wish I had sent them.  (For my homeschooling friends- my biggest regret is not having the twins memorize simple addition and subtraction problems! They still have to count, on their fingers, to add 9+5 for instance.  Learn from my mistake. Ha!)

Talking... about smoking with the twins.  They're discussing it with the school counselor when she comes in their classrooms and it's lead to some good conversations.  They want to know why people smoke when they know it's bad for them, they want to know why tobacco companies target children, and they want to know how long it takes to quit once you start.  We have talked a lot about how quickly you get addicted and how important it is to not even try it once.  I am proud to say Josh and I never tried cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol (while underage) and that's a nice platform to be on when talking to our kids about making good, safe choices for their bodies.

Nursing... Carly, but seeing that it will soon be coming to an end.  I was going to keep going at least until her second birthday (January 24th), but at this rate, we will be done long before that. She is distracted when I feed her, and even when she's tired, she's pulling off before she falls asleep so she can "talk" to me.  So today at nap time after she quit nursing I sang a song and laid her in her crib awake.  So from this moment forward, I am not going to nurse "on demand" anymore.  I will only be nursing at nap and bedtime.  Then I will slowly eliminate those as well.

Reading... The Handmaid's Tale on my Kindle Paperwhite, and loving it! (The kindle & the book.)  I am so glad to be reading again after a month long break.  I knew October was hard for me, but looking at my reading record, I can really see how much my emotions impact my ability to focus & follow through on reading.  After reading it, I'm hoping to watch The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu.  I hear it's great!  As for reading, when the book is done, I think I'll move on to the Winter Street series from Elin Hilderbrand that I read every holiday season.

Putting... a lot of effort into home life lately.  We're working on eating a little healthier, so I've been making some new recipes.  I also spent a few days last weekend working on reorganizing the office after a generous friend of mine gave me a TON of her old craft stuff. (Thanks Shana!)  I also decorated for Thanksgiving and made plans with my sister for the big day.

I was re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp (which I re-read in tiny bits like soothing balm for my soul) and I came across this quote: "This is what makes us persevere through a life: to see Him who is invisible."  To me it says that finding God in the little things (an unprompted hug from my nine year olds, waking up next to my husband each morning, a spectacular sunset) is what can allow me to face hard days with a joyful heart.  It's been a good marble to roll around in my head this week as I traversed half days, a cranky baby with a wonky nap schedule & my new job.

Feeling... so grateful for the ordinary in my days.  The kids reading books in the morning light that streams in the front window; Jack unloading the dishwasher, always helping with the chores; Logan working on his math skills on Xtra math at the computer; loads of laundry waiting to be put away; morning diaper change giggles; making special after-school snacks (melted chocolate chips & giant pretzel sticks dipped in sprinkles for the win!); Play-doh with all four kids; how Carly wants to snuggle brothers whenever they lay on the couch; Carly's toddler walk to and from Wyatt's classroom every morning; waiting in the parking lot with Carly for afternoon pick up... This week those regular magic moments really stood out.

Planning... to see Wonder with the twins tomorrow for my birthday.  We read the book this summer and loved it (I may have cried hysterically and embarrassed them at the end) and I can't wait to see it in the theater.  Also tomorrow we're going to make my birthday cake (I bought candy rocks to decorate it with because I am a geology nerd) and have family movie night where the boys will redeem their "reading pizza" coupons for personal pan pizzas.  It should be a really fun family day and I can't wait!  (Wish me luck.  I also bought 35 actual candles to put on my cake. I'm hoping I can a) blow them all out and b) not set the house on fire. Hah!)

***



5.15.2015

This Week







Finished reading Night by Elie Wiesel. What an intense, sad and thought provoking read!  And I am two chapters (and one bible study) away from finishing 1,000 Gifts.

Thought for this week:

"Joy doesn't negate all other emotions-
joy transcends all other emotions."
--Ann Voskamp

Grateful for Josh taking the boys for several hours on Mother's Day to give me a break.  They went to the school and hung out while I devoured my coffee and some quiet reading time; took a long, luxurious bath; watched a movie and enjoyed lunch by myself; as well as got some chores checked off my list. It was the perfect Mother's Day.  (I also enjoyed two of the sweetest cards from the twins!)

Laughing at Josh telling me I smell like an old lady wearing fancy perfume from Nordstom's when I put on the Japanese Cherry Blossom lotion from Bath & Body Works.

Drowning in dishes. They are my nemesis.

Hating the crummy weather we've been having. Day after day of rain.  Three boys stuck inside with a very exhausted mother.

Struggling with parenting.  My patience is thin, my to do list is long, and my positivity seems to have left the building. This morning seems better than the rest of the week, so there's hope for a turn around, but mostly I can't wait to get home and go on some fun, new adventures with these sweet boys of mine.

Reminiscing about being a working mom.  This post and this one nearly brought me to tears this week.  Rereading about my struggles leaving the boys has helped me find bright spots during an otherwise tough stay-at-home-mom week.

Wrapping up our school year.  We finished all 140 Saxon reading lessons, completed our history book and have just one lesson left in math. Wa-to-the-hoo!!!

Starting a puzzle.  Because when you're overwhelmed and have a million things to do, starting a 700 piece puzzle just feels right.

Celebrating my parents' 33rd wedding anniversary today!

Relieved to be done shipping things home for summer.  Now I am perfecting our packing list and making sure everything has time to get done before we go.

Baking bread so we have something to eat while our food supply dwindles.

Still crying about the lack of baby in my belly.  May 25th is my due date. Was my due date.  Praying peace and relief from my grief comes soon.

Also Praying for the family of an elder who tragically passed this week.  She was a beautiful soul and the anchor of her family.  Lifting them up in hopes that peace will surround them as they say goodbye.

***

5.08.2015

This Week












Finished reading Sister. It was so good, I couldn't put it down!  I am still working my way through One Thousand Gifts along with our bible study guide, and I am telling you, every.single.page has inspiration for seeing God in our days.

Working on my 1000 Gifts list.  I'm on 799 currently and I think I'll be sad when I hit 1,000.

Eating through all the food in our fridge & pantry that will expire over the summer.  This makes for some interesting food combinations in our days!  #wastenotwantnot

Missing blogging everyday.  I think I am going to try to get back to it.

Loving the kindness of the people in Marshall.  The boys and I ventured to the post office (about a half mile away) one afternoon and came back each carrying a fairly large box.  At least three different people stopped their vehicles on the dirt road as we headed back home, offering us a ride.  What they didn't know was that the boxes were filled with toilet paper, and light as air!  I filled them in, and gratefully declined their kind offers.  It warmed my heart though to be extended such kindness.

Dying for Screen Free Week to be over.  It has been the most challenging thing I've done in a long, long time.  I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed and I'm grouchy.  Can I be honest here?  TV time is the only break I get.  With no family or friends here to help out, screen time is my crutch.  Need a shower in the morning? Turn on Doc McStuffins.  Need to make an important phone call?  Hand out the tablets.  Want some quiet time to blog after lunch? Pop in a DVD & enjoy the serenity.  Going without has pushed my sanity to the brink.

Looking forward to a break from my beloved children.  Have I mentioned that I'm ready to be surrounded by family & friends who will gladly take them off my hands for a few hours?!?

Laughing at Wyatt's tongue sticking out when he's super focused.  He was cutting earlier this week and the whole time that little lizard tongue of his was hanging out of his mouth. It cracks me up!

Proud of those big brothers for reaching 160 Accelerated Reading (AR) Points this month, and excited that they got to be part of the end-of-the-month assembly at their Daddy's school.  In the whole school only two kids read more than them. #mombrag

Shining with my new cell phone case!  For months I've had Josh's old cell phone case, a lime green Seahawks case, and finally my new cover came. It is sparkly and girly and I love it!

Choosing to not overdo it this week.  I gave up my daily workouts to make room for quiet time in my day.  I wanted to make some time to delve into God's word without the children running about, and if we're being honest, I am too pooped at the end of the day to give Him my best.  So I have been getting up at 5:30 every morning in order to have 45 minutes to myself before the boys wake up.  I'm still deciding whether the alone time is worth the trade off of less sleep.

Feeling Guilty for not making "real" dinners these days.  We're trying to get outside and stay outside as much as possible, so dinner is often chicken nuggets or fried eggs on toast.  I feel bad about it, but I'm not sure it can be rectified.

Crying about my upcoming due date.  If my pregnancy had stuck in October, I would have had a baby May 25th.  Instead here I am, nine months later, still not pregnant and not sure if I should be.  Not knowing what the future holds is really hard for me, and knowing that a pregnancy could be challenging out here makes me hesitant to try again.  Not to mention I'm not sure my heart could stand a third miscarriage.  What set me off was sorting through the boys' closet in preparation for our trip home for summer.  Folding baby clothes into totes, choosing what to store, what to ship & what to give away, tore my very heart in two.  Sometimes I just wish I had a glass ball to look into.

Grateful that despite my sad emotions, my anxiety has not reared its ugly head lately.

And lastly,

Enjoying Jack reading his first chapter book.  (Junie B. Jones!) It makes my mama heart so proud!  If nothing else came of screen free week but that, I consider it a win!

Happy Weekend!

***

5.01.2015

This Week






Loving having creamer for my coffee (Amazon came through!), cheese for my children (thank God for Uncle Samuel!) & snacks from my sweetest friend Kori.  #iamsohappy  #itsthelittlethings

Accomplishing big things in school.  Like finishing all 140 lessons of Saxon First Grade Phonics.  It feels good to look back and see all the progress we made this year.

Craving girl time with my mom & sister.  Soon & very soon!  I can't wait!

Enjoying all the time I have for reading now that my boys are older.  I finished Orphan Train yesterday and am excited to pull something else off the shelf for the weekend.  Also enjoying brainstorming ideas for a summer book club with my blogger friends Ashley & Tabitha.

Prepping for our three month vacation.  It is a lot of work to be away from home for so long.  I have about six lists going currently-- Things to Ship; Things to Pack; Things to Buy...  This is when my Type A organization comes in handy!

Blessed by my amazing marriage.  That husband of mine was hand picked for me, and I adore him.

Happy to have Jack's glasses fixed (again) by the amazing Karen.  She fixes glasses, loans cheese to those in need, and inspires me daily to live closer to the Lord.  What would I do without her?!?

Rereading One Thousand Gifts as we begin our Ann Voskamp bible study.  This book.  Every page has something underlined, and I walk away inspired every time I pick it up:

"In naming that which is right before me, that which I'd otherwise miss, the invisible becomes visible... This dare to write down one thousand things I love.  It really is a dare to name all the ways that God loves me."


Looking forward to going home! I can't believe it's May, you guys!  We did it!!!

Grateful for a care package full of avocados & raisin bread.  Yum.  Joan knows the way to our hearts!

Loving the boys playing with their stuffed animals and the clothes from Build-A-Bear my Aunt Linda buys them for every birthday.  They discovered their car seats in the playroom closet and are loving playing with them.

Working on a plan for Screen Free Week which starts Monday.  Lots of outside activities planned, along with games, puzzles, reading and a slew of Pinterest ideas I have pinned but not yet completed.

Struggling with going to bed.  The sun is rising at 6:35am and setting at 10:56pm.  It is bright before we wake up, and staying that way until well after Josh and I are in bed.  It makes it hard to want to go to sleep when it looks like it's 3:30pm!

Laughing at Wyatt pouting.  He gets so mad when I tell him no.  He'll kick and growl and stomp.  Then when I put him in timeout, he folds his arms, furrows his brow, and sighs dramatically.  He cracks us up.

I hope you have a happy weekend.  
My goal this weekend is to slow down.  
Because as my Ann reminds us, 
"The hurry makes us hurt."

***

12.19.2014

The Happiness Project :: ETERNITY :: December

I a little bit fell off the wagon of happiness in November. I still did a lot of the things I had planned, but perhaps less consistently than I would have liked.  But I am determined to stay on track, so here are December's Happiness Goals.
  
***
I love this quote.  It reminds me so much of what Gretchen's goal was when she wrote The Happiness Project.  She wanted to "change her life without changing her life."  That's my goal.  I already have a really good, blessed life.  I just want to appreciate that and live it to its fullest.

December's goal area is Eternity.  Gretchen's chapter in the book about Eternity says that great minds encourage us to consider our death.  For death is what makes life so beautiful.  This is a touchy subject for me as a majority of anxiety stems around the idea of getting sick and dying. (And leaving my husband and young children behind.)  But I am determined to do it because I know that if can face the fears, they will diminish and peace will come.


Gretchen started her month on eternity by collecting memoirs to read about suffering, illness and dying.  She explained to her husband that while the books were indeed sad, they were also uplifting.  She found herself extra grateful for her ordinary life.  I had the same feeling as I read Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search For Meaning last week.  It's about his time spent in a concentration camp and his subsequent theories on the psychology of life's meaning.  The book was, generally speaking, depressing.  But I, too, found myself feeling grateful for the things in my life.  Warm showers, enough food to eat, my loved ones being alive & well.  

Reading these accounts of suffering made real the quote by William Edward Hartpole Lecky,
"There are times in the lives of most of us when we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over us unappreciated and unenjoyed."

So for the rest of December I want to:

1. Surrender Daily

Let it go & trust God
{remember "It is safe to trust." -Ann Voskamp}
I want to stop fearing bad things that might happen.  
Gretchen reports that this is a great source of unhappiness, 
and I am guilty of it.

2. Keep a daily gratitude journal

Find something about every situation, especially trials, to be grateful for,
& continue with my 1,000 Gifts notebook--
{finding the "ugly beautiful" in my life}

3. Spend some time journaling about death

Keeping in mind that as with surgery, God cuts into our hearts to make us whole.  There's no seeing God face to face without first the ripping. {Ann Voskamp}  As afraid as I am to contemplate my death, I have to go through the pain to arrive at peace.


I want to trust, fully, God's plan for my life, and stay focused on the positive.
The new year holds good things.
I just know it.

***

10.01.2014

One Thousand Gifts

Living in Fear:

I have been living in fear. For the last year, I have been afraid.  Afraid of dying, afraid of hurting, afraid of getting sick.  And as time has passed and I have moved beyond the depression and through the anxiety, I have found that living in fear isn't living.

Moving on past my emotional disturbances hasn't been easy.  But it also hasn't been that hard.  What I mean is that once I was able to start changing my thinking, my emotions followed suit quickly.  When I begin to ask myself "what if" (ie "What if I have cancer?") I simply tell myself, "We're not going to worry about that." Over and over and over, I tell myself, "We're not going to worry about that."  Sometimes this is accompanied by a prayer or some kind of physical distraction (going outside, doing the dishes, making a phone call) and sometimes it's just a thought bubble released.  "We're not going to worry about that."  Like there's a committee in my head that has deemed that worry un-credible.  

I also cling to the quote, "Hope is the only thing stronger than fear", which is from Hunger Games and may sound silly, but is oh-so-true.  My HOPE that the future can hold good things is stronger than my FEAR that it won't.

I also tell myself on a daily basis, "I can do hard things," which is to say, if something bad does happen (I get cancer, the boys get sick, Josh isn't home to help at bedtime) I will get through it.  I have strength in me that will help me get through anything life throws my way.

**

One Thousand Gifts:

In last week's post I wrote about two of the books that helped me in overcoming my anxiety & depression, and getting past those dark fears.  There was one more book that had a huge impact.

by Ann Voskamp

The book is written like poetry.  It's beautiful, like reading art.  She starts out talking about how "everywhere we look we only see all that isn't: holes, lack, deficiency."  The losses we suffer make us wonder, Does God love us?

She uses the rest of the book to show that, yes, God does love us.  She explains that we don't have to know why things happen the way they happen.  What?!? Well, that's a freeing thought!  There are things that we don't understand, but He does.  And what we see as holes, according to Ann, are just rips in the curtain, allowing us to see God.

The basic gist of the book (other than God loves us) is that gratitude is the way from an empty life to a full one.  She encourages us to change our thinking from "I have to live" to "I get to live" and to keep in mind that the end will come.  All we can do is live fully in the meantime.

And find beauty.
-- In imperfection.
-- In striving.
-- In trying...
to be better, to do better.

The Dare:

This is where the title comes in.  One Thousand Gifts.  The dare is to write down 1000 blessings in your life.  Writing down the beauty & joy we find is, Ann says, like unwrapping love.  It's proof positive that God loves us, that He's watching out for us. And in addition to that, the gratitude itself leads to happiness.

 "There are eyes in pencils & pens."
-John Piper

The goal, she says, is "to learn how to be grateful and happy, whether hands full or hands empty."  If you try hard enough you can find the silver lining to any cloud.  For instance, I find I am sick? At least I don't have to call in sick to work.  She reminds us that you can only feel one feeling.  So you should choose joy.  Always choose joy. Which comes through gratitude.

Worry:

When it comes to worrying, which Ann herself is pretty good at, she encourages us to pray instead of worry.  There is something about handing your worries over to God that makes you feel like you can finally breathe again.  She insists, "It is safe to trust," which is exactly what I needed to hear at the height of my anxiety.  The fear and worry is so pervasive, we forget that God wants us to have good, full lives.
Choosing to pray instead of worry isn't easy, it means you have to give up control and discipline yourself to trust, but as Ann puts it, "The fear is suffocating, terrorizing and I want the remedy and it is trust." 

Once you begin trusting (and praying) instead of worrying, you will find that everything feels different.  The truth is though that, "Nothing has changed, but I have."  I am still living in the middle of nowhere with three children & very few breaks.  But my attitude this year is completely different than it was last year.

According to Ann, the dark (last fall & winter) was God passing by.  When He is about to do something amazing, we often first experience a trial. We must release the fear these challenges induce and fall into peace, trusting that God is about to show up.

It is safe to trust.  
It is safe to trust. 
It is safe to trust.

**

Choosing Joy:

8. Empty journals
9. New, unread books in a stack
10. Love notes from my boys

36.  A warm bubble bath
37.  The twins with fresh haircuts
38. My body that grew three beautiful boys

71. Watching Logan & Jack sound out words
72. Bedtime prayers
73. Bare feet

114. A fresh Coke, cold in the can
115. Burgerville cheeseburgers
116. Sunsets

243.  Candy corn
244. Down comforters
245. Big boys riding bikes

593.  Getting blog posts made everyday
594. Reading new books to my boys
595. Bedtime snuggles & I love you's

Working on this list over the last eleven months has allowed me to let go of perfection & control; allowed me to be open to God; and has allowed me to see the ugly beautiful.

470. Baskets of dirty boy laundry
471. Sinks full of toothpaste
472. Toilets to clean

This list has made me a searcher. A searcher for beauty and for joy.
I have joy now.
I can be the joy.

I am the heartbeat of this house. I set the tone.  My life can be a song of gratitude.
And I think that's just how He wants it.

**