Screen-Free Week Review

Guys, after I came down with the flu my kids passed (slowly, painfully) one to the other to the other, I came down with something else. It's serious.

Fear of missing out. Or FOMO.

That's what they call it. And actually, it's a condition I have had for some time, but I am just now coming around to having an actual diagnosis.

Here's the thing. I don't have an "real" job, right? I have my whole "stay at home mom" thing, which kind of just means I do all the things and it's not real concrete.  Some days it's laundry & cooking, other days it's class parties and scheduling naps.  Some days it's yardwork and mopping, other days it's doctor appointments and wiping bottoms.

So without meaning to, I took on a job. It's important.  It requires constant supervision, and I can't slack for even a couple of hours or I will get behind and never.catch.up.

I've become a checker.

Well, maybe that's not what I should call it. I'm not like a checker at Walmart who scans your things and gives you a receipt.  I'm an internet-checker...  Only I'm not a tech person.

Okay, I'll just tell you. This job I'm doing, it's Instagram/Facebook-checker, and I don't remember signing on the dotted line, but I will tell you, I have been doing this job with fervor for probably four years now.  (I started with Facebook, and Instagram joined the fray later... but I digress.)

My syndrome (FOMO) caused me to take on this ceaseless, thankless job, and I've been working tirelessly at it ever since.

After participating in Screen Free Week two weeks ago, going (mostly) Screen-Free, I discovered that I feel like I can't just "check into" Facebook or Instagram randomly, I must continue to scroll back until I hit the point where I last logged on, lest I miss (!!!) anything vital (!!!) like who had coffee that morning (!!!) or who read a good book (!!!) and this desire for perfection, while good at a real job, is not good at my fake "checker" job because, like I said, I have actual responsibilities (called all.the.children, and.the.house, and.the.cats, and.the.husband) and my checker job is impeding on my ability to that real job well.

For serious.

Each day as I continued to not check Facebook (I deleted it off my phone and stayed off my computer!) and Instagram (also deleted off my phone for the week) I realized that most of the people I wanted to "check in with" were not people who are a) in my life or b) know that I exist. How weird is that?!? I am DYING to know what these people are doing when I don't even have a relationship with them at all.

I want to actually live.  To smell and see and hear and taste and touch the life all around me.  I don't want to be moving too fast to enjoy it (I am so over being "busy") but I also don't want to be so distracted that I don't really notice life as it's passing me by.

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And so, if you follow me, or I follow you on Facebook or Instagram, please know that my lack of posts, comments or likes is simply because I am busy living.  Raising these kids, setting some goals & reading some books.  You know, the good stuff!

Around Here: Week 18

 Going... Screen Free (mostly) for the week.  (I hopped on here today to stay on track with my "Around Here" posts, and Josh watched a show or two in the evenings, but I worked hard to be either doing chores or reading my book instead of watching.)  I deleted Facebook & Instagram off my phone and only went online to check my email and pay the bills Monday.  It felt good to be screen free, and I got SO much more done than I do when I'm partaking in the screens. It was a good reminder that I'm in charge of how I spend my time.  I'll be visiting this subject again, in more detail, in a post that is coming soon.

Celebrating... Logan's trip to the neurologist. Basically his Chiari Malformation is minor (in size) and he is currently asymptomatic, so it's as if nothing were wrong at all.  Of course we will always keep an eye on any symptoms that crop up, but many people live with Chiari without ever showing symptoms, so that is our hope for Logan.  As for Jack, concordance rates for twins are not available, so unless he starts showing symptoms, we will not be testing for it as it's not medically necessary.

Grateful... that we are (all) finally well.  After 11+ days of sickness (vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain) passing from one to the other to the other and finally to me, and then to Josh, it is over. Hallelujah.  I have bleached and Clorox wiped this house from top to bottom in hopes that we'll be well from here forward. I knew starting the kids in school that they'd bring home new germs, but that one takes the cake. It was a beast!

Thankful... for Josh's sister for keeping Wyatt & Carly so I could drive just the twins to Logan's neurology appointment at the children's hospital. It's over an hour each way, and it was so nice to only have the big boys to worry about.  Also thankful for Josh's cousin who came over that day and decided to sweep & mop my floors for me. Whenever she's at our house, she does some act of service (painting my walls, bringing a meal, delivering wipes) and she's such a shining example of what being selfless truly is. Thank you Januari!

Enjoying... a crazy thunderstorm last night.  It was like a strobe light, so many strikes and so much loud thunder. It woke me up a few times and was just really fun to watch.

I am also currently enjoying having a daughter. Putting her in dresses and cute shoes everyday never ceases to bring me joy!!!  I also enjoy how she walks with her hands behind her back, which the boys call "walking like a gentleman".  I was so excited I finally captured it with my camera!

Attending... the twins' game Thursday.  I hadn't been to a game yet, so it was really exciting to load all the kids up & go root for those talented big brothers of ours. Carly would clap every time we cheered, and Wyatt ran into a friend on the playground which kept him entertained.

When we found out that it was twin boys at my 20 week ultrasound, one of the first things Josh said was they could play on a baseball team together. Watching that dream finally come true nearly a decade later has been so beautiful.  Josh loves coaching them, and the boys are really finding their way.  They're hitting consistently and getting better at catching & outs as well.  I am one proud mama!

Meeting... with each of the boys' teachers to discuss progress towards spring and what, if anything, we will need to work on over the summer.  All three teachers said our boys are like sponges, absorbing all the information they can.  Their grades are fantastic and they all love reading.  We will work on continued reading, writing & math over summer in hopes they don't lose any of the progress they've made this year.  It sure feels good to see how well public school has gone this year, and it feels even better to hear the teachers say what good, hard working boys we have.

Freaking out... about being a homeowner.  Wednesday night I got home from the twins' practice followed by Wyatt's practice to find Josh upside down in a giant hole he dug in the yard, attempting to fix a leak we had in the water line that split from the street.  One direction split off for our house and one direction for the sprinkler system.  The valve busted.  And we were without water.
After our week and a half of family stomach flu, plus my trip to the children's hospital, I was desperately behind on the laundry as it was. I didn't have time to get further behind.  Not to mention I had a sink full of dishes, four dirty kids plus myself and Josh who would need showers in the morning.  We took a deep breath, called a plumber and sent up a prayer that it wouldn't break the bank.  One hour and $400 later, we had a fixed valve and running water.  Praise the Lord!

Watching... Patriots Day with Mark Wahlberg for date night last week, and sobbing the entire time.  The whole thing was so unbelievable and the resilience of people inspiring.  We also saw Moana last weekend for the first time, which meant I spent the whole weekend singing "You're welcome."

Next week I have a blog post penciled in to post everyday in an effort to clear my dashboard before summer, as well as lots of baseball and plenty of sunshine in the forecast. It's gonna be a great week!

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Disconnecting

My book club just finished reading The Winter of Our Disconnect: How Three Totally Wired Teenagers (and a Mother Who Slept with Her iPhone) Pulled the Plug on Their Technology and Lived to Tell the Tale by Susan Maushart.  I am hopeful that I'm forever changed.  I loved this book so much.  It stretched my knowledge on media, challenged me to take a hard look at my own use of screens, and made me determined to guide my children well through these same waters when their time comes.

Basically the book is about a journalist who kicks all technology (television, tablets, cell phones, computers, internet) out of her house.  She and her three teenagers spend a lot of time cooking, visiting, reading and sleeping during their six month fast.

Mixed in with her personal experience, she presents a ton of research on the topic of technology-- phone use, television exposure, and the like.  She presents it in a very readable way, and I can't tell you how many pages I marked or underlined in my copy of the book.

First off, it makes me want to read Thoreou's Walden Pond, which inspired her journey.

Second, I want to re-approach my life with Monotasking (or uni-tasking) as my goal.  All the studies show that no one (seriously. no one.) does multi-tasking well (which I found offensive because I was sure that I was good at it) and I want to work harder to be in the moment I'm in, not scroll through my phone in an effort to avoid it.

Maushart also talks about our inability to read anything deep or lengthy.  I find this to be totally true of myself.  Getting started on a really large or challenging book, or truly reading (and comprehending) a long article are far more challenging to me than they used to be.  I think this is because our screens now spoon-feed us our information.  We don't have to work as hard as we used to.

Along those same lines, she presents the argument that we are raising currently a generation that is used to getting what they want when they want it with minimal effort.  I myself am entirely guilty.  I wait in line furiously tapping my foot as I wait my turn.  I pull through the drive through, irritated that it takes eight minutes to get my meal.  I roll my eyes and groan when my Facebook page doesn't pull up instantaneously on my laptop when I click the icon.  The list goes on.  We have become an impatient generation.

We're also, despite all the connectivity, a really disconnected generation.  It seems the more we "connect" online, the less connected we actually are.  Studies have shown it.  And my life is proof.  Despite the fact that I had: Facebook, email, Skype and my blog to stay connected to my loved ones while I was in rural Alaska, I ended up anxious and depressed, suffering from feelings of loneliness.  Nothing is the same as face time.

Which is exactly what Sharon Turkle, TED Speaker, says.  How do we rectify these disconnected connections?  It is as simple as making real conversations a priority again, she assures us, and making some areas technology free.  The areas I'm choosing are: Meal time, homeschool time and bedtime.  I believe that by making these areas phone & TV free, the boys will know that they are my top priority.  Not having it at the table during homeschool should be easy.  Same with bedtime.  But leaving the phone upstairs during meal times? That one's going to be a challenge.  But with that, I think some real connecting will start going on, and that will make it worth it.

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Another important point that Maushart makes in her book is that boredom is self diagnosed, first of all, and not actually bad for you, second of all.  It's not my job to be an activity coordinator. Yet if I eliminate screens, that's exactly what ends up happening.  From the book I learned that kids LOVING the screens, and claiming they gain true happiness from them, doesn't mean they are good for them. In fact, they're bad for them.  And a little boredom? Might actually do them some good.  Might promote some creativity.

So then, with all this information, what is the answer?  Be choosier about friends on Facebook or Instagram?  Get rid of everything?  Become a tech tyrant and berate all your friends and family into joining you on a six month break from all things with screens?

I tend to be  black & white thinker, but when it comes to technology we really must look at it in shades of gray because it can enhance our lives (like online bill pay, FaceTime when your husband is 2500 miles away, or ordering groceries when you live in rural Alaska...) but it can also hurt us (ie cause us to ignore people, lack human connection & waste valuable time).

I think for me, the first answer is: Awareness.  Just being aware that cell phones, tablets and televisions can put distance between people is a start.  Just being aware that real conversations are important and people need to feel heard is a start.  The second answer is: Be Choosy.  With three kids, and another on the way, I need to be choosy about where I spend my time online.  And the third, as I mentioned above is: Put It Away.  There needs to be times when I'm unavailable.  It's good for my psyche.  And it shows my kids that they are more important than my 8th grade best friends' Facebook status update.

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In addition to the TED talk, I also loved this article I shared on Facebook.  

In it, the author says, "You need to suppress your empathy "gene" in order to participate fully in the mobile revolution." I feel this so fully.  And I have so many times felt "half listened" to and ignored by other people on their phones.  And, if we're being honest, I've also been the one "half listening" at times...

We don't have rules or etiquette.  There's no way to say to someone, "Dude, can you put that away? You're making me feel small and unimportant."  But that's what we want to say! We want to be more important than Facebook or that text from someone else.

So what should the rules be?  When you're with another human being, put your phone away, not on the table between you.  When you have a chance for real interaction with other people, let yourself be fully immersed in it.  It's the only way to fully live your life.

As my friend Ashley said, 

"Screens shouldn't become an escape from reality, but should compliment reality."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

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This Week

Finished reading Sister. It was so good, I couldn't put it down!  I am still working my way through One Thousand Gifts along with our bible study guide, and I am telling you, every.single.page has inspiration for seeing God in our days.

Working on my 1000 Gifts list.  I'm on 799 currently and I think I'll be sad when I hit 1,000.

Eating through all the food in our fridge & pantry that will expire over the summer.  This makes for some interesting food combinations in our days!  #wastenotwantnot

Missing blogging everyday.  I think I am going to try to get back to it.

Loving the kindness of the people in Marshall.  The boys and I ventured to the post office (about a half mile away) one afternoon and came back each carrying a fairly large box.  At least three different people stopped their vehicles on the dirt road as we headed back home, offering us a ride.  What they didn't know was that the boxes were filled with toilet paper, and light as air!  I filled them in, and gratefully declined their kind offers.  It warmed my heart though to be extended such kindness.

Dying for Screen Free Week to be over.  It has been the most challenging thing I've done in a long, long time.  I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed and I'm grouchy.  Can I be honest here?  TV time is the only break I get.  With no family or friends here to help out, screen time is my crutch.  Need a shower in the morning? Turn on Doc McStuffins.  Need to make an important phone call?  Hand out the tablets.  Want some quiet time to blog after lunch? Pop in a DVD & enjoy the serenity.  Going without has pushed my sanity to the brink.

Looking forward to a break from my beloved children.  Have I mentioned that I'm ready to be surrounded by family & friends who will gladly take them off my hands for a few hours?!?

Laughing at Wyatt's tongue sticking out when he's super focused.  He was cutting earlier this week and the whole time that little lizard tongue of his was hanging out of his mouth. It cracks me up!

Proud of those big brothers for reaching 160 Accelerated Reading (AR) Points this month, and excited that they got to be part of the end-of-the-month assembly at their Daddy's school.  In the whole school only two kids read more than them. #mombrag

Shining with my new cell phone case!  For months I've had Josh's old cell phone case, a lime green Seahawks case, and finally my new cover came. It is sparkly and girly and I love it!

Choosing to not overdo it this week.  I gave up my daily workouts to make room for quiet time in my day.  I wanted to make some time to delve into God's word without the children running about, and if we're being honest, I am too pooped at the end of the day to give Him my best.  So I have been getting up at 5:30 every morning in order to have 45 minutes to myself before the boys wake up.  I'm still deciding whether the alone time is worth the trade off of less sleep.

Feeling Guilty for not making "real" dinners these days.  We're trying to get outside and stay outside as much as possible, so dinner is often chicken nuggets or fried eggs on toast.  I feel bad about it, but I'm not sure it can be rectified.

Crying about my upcoming due date.  If my pregnancy had stuck in October, I would have had a baby May 25th.  Instead here I am, nine months later, still not pregnant and not sure if I should be.  Not knowing what the future holds is really hard for me, and knowing that a pregnancy could be challenging out here makes me hesitant to try again.  Not to mention I'm not sure my heart could stand a third miscarriage.  What set me off was sorting through the boys' closet in preparation for our trip home for summer.  Folding baby clothes into totes, choosing what to store, what to ship & what to give away, tore my very heart in two.  Sometimes I just wish I had a glass ball to look into.

Grateful that despite my sad emotions, my anxiety has not reared its ugly head lately.

And lastly,

Enjoying Jack reading his first chapter book.  (Junie B. Jones!) It makes my mama heart so proud!  If nothing else came of screen free week but that, I consider it a win!

Happy Weekend!

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Flubber

Two weeks ago, during Screen Free Week, I was going to lose.my.mind when the weather decided at the end of the week to downpour so we couldn't play out.  

Elmer's Glue & Borax came to the rescue.

Add a little warm water and some food coloring,

and FLUBBER is born!

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Tricks like this (making Flubber or Play Doh) are what stay-at-home moms do to maintain sanity on long days!  This summer I will be stocking up on plenty of last minute "pull out of my hat" activities for afternoons just like this next year!

PARENTHOOD :: Screen Free Week

I thought I'd give a little update on Screen Free Week,
as well as how my Parenthood-focused month is going.

{The river has broken up}

Yesterday was a long day. I am praying today is a little better, but the weather looks iffy and the forecast is calling for more rain... so I'm not holding my breath!  

I almost caved yesterday.  At least three times I thought, It wouldn't be that big a deal if I broke Screen-Free week.  But I stayed strong and with the creation of some Flubber (warm water, elmer's glue & borax) we survived the afternoon.  

{There's a lot of ice still floating, but the river is moving}

Screen Free week would be much easier in Vancouver where I could take them on a playdate, to the library or out to eat for distraction.  It's been a little more difficult here.  Especially with the snow and rain we had Thursday.

The first three days I was all about no screens.  I felt great, the kids were happy.  We did crafts, we played outside.  Today was much more difficult.  I realized that their screen time is my break time.  And I miss it. Desperately.

I am glad to have experienced the full range of emotions with regard to Screen Free Week-- seeing the good and the bad that those screens produce.

I definitely take away from this week that I am the boss of my time, not Facebook.  That I am a better mom when I'm not distracted.  And that my kids sleep better and play more cooperatively with less screen time.

But I also see that screen time makes for nice down time, that I use the internet for nearly everything, and that waking up at 5:30am for my own slice of internet before the children wake up makes my one cup of coffee less than effective at waking me up.

I plan to continue staying off my phone entirely during meal times, homeschooling and while outside with the kids.  I also plan to do the majority of my blogging while the kids are asleep.  It's easier to focus and I enjoy my days much more when I am available to them.

In addition to controlling our screen consumption, I am working to read through Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids again, and I would also like to read Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn.

I am saying yes more, laughing more and slowing down more.

And I am reading a lot more with the boys. This one is huge for me. Reading to my kids really makes me feel like a good mom.  So reading three stories at nap time, and three stories at bedtime, plus another book or two at some point throughout the day puts a smile on my face.  And my kids' faces.

I am getting more spontaneous hugs and "I love you's" from all three boys.

I am also seeing how each boy best connects with me.  For Logan he likes me to make him laugh, to laugh with him or to get physical (chasing, tickling, etc.); For Jack he likes me to color with him, listen to his ideas or stories and hold him on my lap; For Wyatt he likes to be read to, to do puzzles and to play hide & seek with me.

I am really happy with the timing of Screen Free Week for my Happiness Project Goal of Parenthood this month.  It has started things off on the right foot, and I'm so grateful!

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The boys love to visit a broken down forklift that's a short walk from our house.  Here are some cute pictures of them enjoying it with a friend one sunny day last week.

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