Around Here: Week 33 {2018}

Reading... In Shock by Rana Awdish.  It's about a doctor who herself had a traumatic first birth and recovery (to say the least) and it changed how she viewed her patients from there forward.  It's a fascinating read.  I'm almost done.  I started The Perfect Couple by Elin Hilderbrand, which my mom gave me (a signed copy!!!) when I was there, and I can't wait to finish In Shock so I can dive fully into that one. I am also listening to No One Cares About Crazy People on audio.

Buying... a lovely stack of books from Powell's while we were in Portland.  My parents kept the kids so Josh could take me and we perused the shelves. I was so happy to get my hands on the first two books in the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series, and I have the third one on order.  I also got The Witches of New York by Ami Mckay simply because I love her book The Birth House so much.  And then I got These Granite Islands based on a recommendation from goodreads and Perfect Match by Jodi Picolt because it sounded so intriguing.

Celebrating... 14 days seizure free for Logan.  He hasn't gone two weeks without a seizure since early spring.  It was a lovely respite for my mama heart.

Enjoying... girls night with my friend Shana when she came over Thursday after my kids were in bed.  I love that girl and she just gets my heart.  She has all girls, a singleton, then twins, so we're like living opposite lives. It's so funny!  We ate cheesecake and stayed up way too late. My neighbor even texted me and asked if everything was okay cause the lights were on so late at night. Haha!

Suffering... with all the wildfire smoke.  Our air quality has been terrible here in Washington State and we've been having to keep Wyatt inside to keep his poor lungs healthy.  At first I was still letting him play outside a little bit, but his peak flow numbers were dropping like crazy even in the limited amount of time I was allowing, so we kept him in for two entire days and saw a huge improvement, so he's got to stay in until the air clears.  Sorry, buddy!

Growing... our garden like crazy!  We've got lots of cucumber and tomatoes!  The peppers seem to have died, and we harvested the corn, so they are done, and we're waiting for the sunflower to bloom and for the pumpkins to get going, but the cucs and tomatoes are going gangbusters!  And our sweet watermelons, too!  So cute!!!

Doing... load after load of laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, phone-call making, mess-organizing and even washing and vacuuming my car.  I don't know what got into me, but I went with it and did all.the.chores this week.  It felt so nice!

Crying... for no reason at all Tuesday night at bedtime. I don't know if I was overtired or just emotional, or what, but it was ridiculous. Luckily my husband is used to my sensitivity and just hugged me while I wept. As we talked a little I realized that I had been kind of holding my breath about something going wrong with Logan or Wyatt because it has been so long since either of them has been sick.  Honestly, I was just so grateful to have had the break.  And the good, hard cry did help me sleep really good that night!

Loving... all the baseball that's been happening around here.  Josh took Logan to get a bigger left handed mitt since he outgrew his old one, and it's reignited a love for the game in all three boys.  They are out there everyday with Josh throwing and catching and pitching and hitting and it makes me smile so big.  They love it.  They all come back in telling me stories of amazing hits and awesome catches. It's so cute. One afternoon Josh wasn't here and I caught Wyatt sitting on the porch with his ball and glove, just wishing daddy was home to play ball. So sweet!

Opening... fun mail from my blog-friend Ashley! I won her giveaway from her "Five Favorites" post and it was such a sweet package to open.  There was a new-to-me book, adorable cup, reusable straws, fancy napkins and yummy strawberry-lemonade goat soap included.  And bless her heart (!) she also included Box Tops for my kids' school since she homeschools. She is officially my boys' favorite person now. hah!

Repeating... "This Moment" to myself over and over as a way of staying in the NOW.  Truly, we really only have "this moment" and that's it.  Reminding myself of that throughout the day is helping me say "yes" to my kids (Yes to putting coins in the fun machine at the library; Yes to trying a new park; Yes to playing a game); "yes" to myself (Yes to pulling over and taking a picture of the sunset; Yes to a bubblebath; Yes to taking extra time to sing lullabies to Carly at bedtime); and "yes" to experiences (Yes to trying snorkeling at the river with my kids; Yes to the big slide at the pool before summer ends; Yes to trying new foods).  It also helps me not feel overwhelmed/scared about the future.  "This moment" is the only one I have to survive.  That's pretty manageable.

Witnessing... yet another of Logan's seizures as he broke his seizure-free streak Friday morning.  Jack came into my room just after 8:00am to tell me Logan was having a seizure in their room.  I followed Jack into their room and found Logan kneeling on the floor, having a seizure.  I helped him sit on the edge of the bed and he continued seizing for another five minutes.  It was his longest seizure to date, and was absolutely terrifying to witness.  Not because of his body- his body was actually quite still- but because of how vacant he was from his body.  During the seizure he just continually looked to the right, nodded his head up and down, looked as if he were chewing something and was breathing heavily, almost panting.  Over and over, the cycle continued.  I kept asking if it was done, if he could answer me, and he couldn't.  Finally, at just shy of the six minute mark, it stopped and he rubbed his head and laid back, closing his eyes, talking some gibberish and sighing.
There is no need to call 911 or take him to the doctor unless his seizure is longer than 15 minutes.  So we just kept an eye on him here at the house.  He tried to take a nap, but soon he got an intolerable headache.  It got so bad, in fact, that he vomited.  I felt so bad for him.
Of course now my concern is what to do about school.  A six minute seizure is serious. It's scary.  I don't know if he needs an aid with him full time, I don't know if we should inform all the fifth graders that he has epilepsy and what the symptoms look like so that if he's having one they can inform an adult (an idea that he HATES and says he will never agree to)... So far, he has always had an aura and been able to tell someone when he has a seizure coming on. But his embarrassment has kept him (in the past) from telling anyone at school that a seizure is coming. He has just sat at his desk and waited for it to pass.  That was fine when his seizures lasted thirty seconds.  That's not fine when they are nearing the ten minute mark.  He HAS to tell someone, and I'm just not sure I can trust that he will.  He's ten.  His pride and embarrassment factor are pretty high currently.
I will be talking to the nurse (who's amazing) Monday afternoon.  I am sure she will have some advice. In the meantime, Logan and I are talking over different ideas and I am praying for clarity on what the right thing is.  The best part is that he has his neurology appointment the first week of September. So we just have to get something temporary set up at school for the first week, then we can pick the neurologists' brain about any further questions we have.

Catching... up with my sister when she came to visit with her crew Friday afternoon.  We've both been stuck inside with our kiddos most of the week due to poor air quality from the wildfires, so we were more than happy to throw them together for a few hours and have the chance to hang out.  The kids were overjoyed to be together, playing Legos and watching movies, and Roxanne and I never run out of things to talk about.  We went through all of Carly's clothes, which was super fun, and sorted through the size 3 stuff that has been handed down to her (thanks Raeann, JoAnne & Jolene!) in preparation for fall.  It helped get me excited for fall the same way shopping for books did. (Cold weather doesn't have to be sad... Imagine Carly in a sweater dress, and me on the couch with a good book!)

Feeling... proud of my boys.  When one brother expressed feeling upset about the thought of going to sleep alone while the other two stayed up for "special night" with mom, the two who were going to stay up asked if the other brother could join them so they could all be together and he wouldn't have to go to bed in their room alone.  When I said yes, they all gave each other (and me) a giant family hug and tears stung my eyes. Sometimes, it feels really nice to know you must be doing something right.

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Disconnecting

My book club just finished reading The Winter of Our Disconnect: How Three Totally Wired Teenagers (and a Mother Who Slept with Her iPhone) Pulled the Plug on Their Technology and Lived to Tell the Tale by Susan Maushart.  I am hopeful that I'm forever changed.  I loved this book so much.  It stretched my knowledge on media, challenged me to take a hard look at my own use of screens, and made me determined to guide my children well through these same waters when their time comes.

Basically the book is about a journalist who kicks all technology (television, tablets, cell phones, computers, internet) out of her house.  She and her three teenagers spend a lot of time cooking, visiting, reading and sleeping during their six month fast.

Mixed in with her personal experience, she presents a ton of research on the topic of technology-- phone use, television exposure, and the like.  She presents it in a very readable way, and I can't tell you how many pages I marked or underlined in my copy of the book.

First off, it makes me want to read Thoreou's Walden Pond, which inspired her journey.

Second, I want to re-approach my life with Monotasking (or uni-tasking) as my goal.  All the studies show that no one (seriously. no one.) does multi-tasking well (which I found offensive because I was sure that I was good at it) and I want to work harder to be in the moment I'm in, not scroll through my phone in an effort to avoid it.

Maushart also talks about our inability to read anything deep or lengthy.  I find this to be totally true of myself.  Getting started on a really large or challenging book, or truly reading (and comprehending) a long article are far more challenging to me than they used to be.  I think this is because our screens now spoon-feed us our information.  We don't have to work as hard as we used to.

Along those same lines, she presents the argument that we are raising currently a generation that is used to getting what they want when they want it with minimal effort.  I myself am entirely guilty.  I wait in line furiously tapping my foot as I wait my turn.  I pull through the drive through, irritated that it takes eight minutes to get my meal.  I roll my eyes and groan when my Facebook page doesn't pull up instantaneously on my laptop when I click the icon.  The list goes on.  We have become an impatient generation.

We're also, despite all the connectivity, a really disconnected generation.  It seems the more we "connect" online, the less connected we actually are.  Studies have shown it.  And my life is proof.  Despite the fact that I had: Facebook, email, Skype and my blog to stay connected to my loved ones while I was in rural Alaska, I ended up anxious and depressed, suffering from feelings of loneliness.  Nothing is the same as face time.

Which is exactly what Sharon Turkle, TED Speaker, says.  How do we rectify these disconnected connections?  It is as simple as making real conversations a priority again, she assures us, and making some areas technology free.  The areas I'm choosing are: Meal time, homeschool time and bedtime.  I believe that by making these areas phone & TV free, the boys will know that they are my top priority.  Not having it at the table during homeschool should be easy.  Same with bedtime.  But leaving the phone upstairs during meal times? That one's going to be a challenge.  But with that, I think some real connecting will start going on, and that will make it worth it.

*

Another important point that Maushart makes in her book is that boredom is self diagnosed, first of all, and not actually bad for you, second of all.  It's not my job to be an activity coordinator. Yet if I eliminate screens, that's exactly what ends up happening.  From the book I learned that kids LOVING the screens, and claiming they gain true happiness from them, doesn't mean they are good for them. In fact, they're bad for them.  And a little boredom? Might actually do them some good.  Might promote some creativity.

So then, with all this information, what is the answer?  Be choosier about friends on Facebook or Instagram?  Get rid of everything?  Become a tech tyrant and berate all your friends and family into joining you on a six month break from all things with screens?

I tend to be  black & white thinker, but when it comes to technology we really must look at it in shades of gray because it can enhance our lives (like online bill pay, FaceTime when your husband is 2500 miles away, or ordering groceries when you live in rural Alaska...) but it can also hurt us (ie cause us to ignore people, lack human connection & waste valuable time).

I think for me, the first answer is: Awareness.  Just being aware that cell phones, tablets and televisions can put distance between people is a start.  Just being aware that real conversations are important and people need to feel heard is a start.  The second answer is: Be Choosy.  With three kids, and another on the way, I need to be choosy about where I spend my time online.  And the third, as I mentioned above is: Put It Away.  There needs to be times when I'm unavailable.  It's good for my psyche.  And it shows my kids that they are more important than my 8th grade best friends' Facebook status update.

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In addition to the TED talk, I also loved this article I shared on Facebook.  

In it, the author says, "You need to suppress your empathy "gene" in order to participate fully in the mobile revolution." I feel this so fully.  And I have so many times felt "half listened" to and ignored by other people on their phones.  And, if we're being honest, I've also been the one "half listening" at times...

We don't have rules or etiquette.  There's no way to say to someone, "Dude, can you put that away? You're making me feel small and unimportant."  But that's what we want to say! We want to be more important than Facebook or that text from someone else.

So what should the rules be?  When you're with another human being, put your phone away, not on the table between you.  When you have a chance for real interaction with other people, let yourself be fully immersed in it.  It's the only way to fully live your life.

As my friend Ashley said, 

"Screens shouldn't become an escape from reality, but should compliment reality."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

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Momspiration

I spend my days parenting.

As the joke goes, "From Son up till Son down" 
I am on.

I have found myself as of late constantly thinking of two moms in particular who inspire me to do better, be better.  I am so grateful for the "momspiration" they provide.  I love that although we've never actually met, the support we give each other is the same as if we all lived next door.  (Which, by the way, girls, sounds awesome!)

Who are these lovely ladies?

One is Tabitha, or Tab, as I call her, acting as if we're the oldest and best of friends;

and the other is Ashley, who mama's five kids. 

(yes, we're using "mama" as a verb now... "it's what you do.")

These two girls are amazing.

They set goals;

They parent broods of small children;

They homeschool;

They try...

They fail...

They try again.

I love them for it.

Recently Tabitha has inspired me to let go of our morning TV.  I am loving how our days start without it, and know I wouldn't have had the courage to let it go without her "momspiration".  Ashley homeschools her boys like me, and she introduced me to our new history book, which re-inspired my homeschooling.  I have since re-read The Well Trained Mind, and am determined to take on classical education for the remainder of this year and for second grade next year.  (more on that to come...)

Throughout the day, as I fold laundry, wash dishes, wipe faces and clean counters, I think of these two mothers, going through the same motions, in their houses, with their children, and I feel less alone.

Needing some momspiration for yourself?

Check out Tabitha's life as a coach wife & you'll be thanking your stars for your mellow schedule.  Or check out her beautifully honest post about raising three under five.  

Ashley's weekly {around here} updates make me giddy when I see them every Friday and her monthly goals never cease to inspire me.

Thank you girls-- 

for existing, for parenting on, and for inspiring me just when I need it.

Virtual {{hugs}} all around!!!