10.18.2009

meltdown mama

Yesterday was quite the day.
By the time I got home,
I was pretty sure the world was out to get me.

Horrible weather.

Rude people making rude comments about twins.

(Do you
always dress them the same?)
Achy back & tummy aches.

And one
craaaanky bubba.

When I called Josh to check in & began to cry hysterically about the rude twin comment lady,
I realized...
maybe it was me.

I felt overwhelmed.
Lonely.
Sad.


On the weekends I want to spend as much time as possible with the boys.

But I also need a break.

I feel like I miss so many moments.
Precious moments.
Priceless moments.

Because I am BUSY.
I am doing laundry.
Dishes.
Dinner.
I am washing babies.
Diapers.
Packing.
I am making lunches.
Lists.
Plans.


It never ends.
Even on the weekend I am preparing for the next week.


So yesterday I cried.
I cried because I didn't get to go hang out with my mom & sister.

I cried because Josh was out with his family.
I cried because Logan would not STOP crying.
I cried because the kitchen was a mess. Again.

I cried because I have to keep working until June.
{That feels like forever.}
And I only have ONE MONTH behind me.

I cried because I want a house with a bigger living area.
And a garage.
And another bedroom.
I cried because I have two beautiful babies, and I spent the night crying.
I cried because I know how lucky I am,
but I also know how HARD this is.
I cried because everyday I get on my hands and knees to clean beneath the high chairs, and everyday I have to do it again.

Have I mentioned that a mother's job is never done?
I cried about that, too.

I cried because I am overweight.
Because I don't make time for my husband like I should.

I cried because I don't make the boys dinner every night.
Mostly it's nuggets or a sandwich.

I cried for the guilt.

And I cried because something's gotta give.
I can't go on like this.
Yet I must.


I have to continually {every single day} find a way to balance
my house
my children

my job

my husband

my cat
my bills

and
my needs
without dropping anything


and it just feels...

{Impossible}


9 comments:

Anonymous said...

You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! You are one awesome mom! :o)

Becky said...

I guess my last comment said "Anonymous". Still trying to figure this out! :o)

HeatherDawn said...

Being a mother of twins is hard! But from everything I see on your blog you ARE an AWESOME MOM and WIFE!! Hang in there June will be here before you know it :)
Heather

Rox said...

Aw, now you're making me cry! I don't know what I can tell you that I haven't already said; that you're an amazing sister, mommy, wife and friend! I'm always, ALWAYS here to hang out, listen, take a baby, take 2 babies, vacuum your house, make dinner with you, ANYTHING! Blake, too. We love hanging out with you and Josh and of course we love your boys!! We are always down to go do something 'family friendly' on the weekends!
Tears are good, letting them out is healthy. If you were never stressed out, never overwhelmed and had time for every little thing- you wouldn't be human!
I'm proud you're open and admit that balancing everything hard.
I didn't see MOMMY TIME on your list. A pampered, taken care of Mommy is a good, happy Mommy. Make sure you're on the top of your list!
Also- as the queen of counting down, I have advice: don't think about the entire school year!! It's only a couple more weeks until Thanksgiving Break, take it one day at a time until then!
I love you!

Rox said...

Correction* your needs are on the list, but they're last!

Marilynn said...

Hi Honey,
You need some blue dots around your house. Just breathe. One of the hardest things about being a mom is that the chores are never all done. But you are doing great, and you have your priorities straight. You are my sunshine....Love Mom xoxo

The Adelman Twins said...

Everyone has bad days! If it helps I have them too- being a twin mom can feel impossible at times, but also so freaking amazingly cool that you have to keep it all in perspective. You have been inspirational to me as I try to juggle all the things you mentioned (minus the cat!) Don't let those comments from strangers get to you- they just see this cool mom walking around with these cute boys and they want to be a part of it- (at least that is what I tell myself) :O) Cheers to a better day today!!! Call me if you need to vent/cry or laugh! I totally understand!

Julie said...

My only suggestion is to not dress them the same. JK!!! They looked adorable in their jogging outfits yesterday!
I don't know exactly how you feel, but I can fully agree that it's HARD to be a momma. It's seems so much easier to give up, but then we'd feel even worse.
I'm sorry you have to work. I HATED it so much and cried a lot, but you'll get through this, and you'll be able to stay home.
When Conrad worked the weekends the boys ate A LOT of cereal. A little bit longer and you can eat dinner together as a family.
You're so close you can do it!! "Don't let the bastards grind you down" ~U2
Love you Shelly!!

Aniko said...

Oh Sweet Shelly,
The insensitivity of strangers never ceases to amaze me. Keep in mind that you are the one who gave birth to them and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says. They are well adjusted, happy, healthy, handsome boys. They live in a stable loving environment with parents who have ambitions and goals and hearts of gold. I personally love that you dress the boys alike. Now if one was a girl and they both wore dresses then there would be an issue (LOL)You are awesome and the only advice that I would give is to listen to your sister about self care. This is critical, my mom use to call them mini-vacations, or in today's world, mini-staycation's