Enjoy Your Days Before School

Dear Mama's of Younger Littles,
Enjoy the days where the days are yours.

By that I mean, enjoy the days when waking up to little feet in footy pajamas are not dictated by school drop off or pick up, or after school activities. Enjoy the slow mornings with cartoons on and cups of coffee being held with both hands. Enjoy the freedom of having days that are all yours, to do with as you please, with your children by your side.

I enjoyed those days for many, many years, but now that the three boys are in public school (instead of homeschooled) the days are anything but mine. We wake up and it's:
-get dressed
-eat breakfast
-make the bed
-brush the teeth
-do the hair
-unload the dishwasher
-do the cat box
-pack the lunch
-load the backpack
-coats on
-gloves on
-hats on
-boots on
-out the door
-in the car
-off to school.

Whew!

I wouldn't trade it for anything, because my boys love school (oh thank goodness they love school) and I am enjoying the time I get one on one with Carly once we're home from drop off, but I do miss the coziness of mornings spent together, on the couch or in the playroom in Alaska with nothing on the agenda but play dough and trains.

Not everyday can be enjoyed, of course, some days are too challenging to really embrace, but try.  Try to hug today because tomorrow, things will look different.  Your kids, your routine, your life, will change. And before you know it, you'll be looking back wistfully on today, hoping you really enjoyed it.

Love,
A Mama Who Is Just One Step Ahead of You, Looking Back Longingly

*

The Thing About Alaska

Since moving to central Washington (and having a record amount of snow compared to recent years) everyone says  I must be used to it because we lived in Alaska. But here's the truth.

In Alaska I didn't have to function in the snow.  I didn't have to get the children geared up every morning, loading them in the car as it defrosted, scraping the windows and driving them to school.  I didn't have to grocery shop in the snow. I didn't have to get the mail in the snow. Anything I did in the snow in Alaska was because I wanted to. If I wanted to go out and play in it, we would gear up and go out. Otherwise, I had nothing to do with the snow. 

Here, I have to function. I have to get them to school, I have to run errands, I have to run our household. Snow or no snow, life goes on. Honestly, it's very different.

So while I'm grateful my face doesn't hurt when I go outside, 

functioning in the snow is a pain all it's own!

***

Around Here: Week 5

Cloth Diapering... the baby.  We've been cloth diapering since we moved here in August, so for about six months, and it's still going really well.  I had the diapers left over from when Wyatt was a baby, so we've really gotten our moneys worth now! I do a load of diapers every other day, so it seems like I always have a laundry basket full of little snaps & inserts to be put together.

Enjoying... Carly's snuggles.  She snuggles her daddy. She snuggles her mama. She snuggles her baby doll... It's just so darn precious.

Loving... Carly's little spout (pony tail) on the top of her her head. She's so precious.

Grateful... for our new vision clinic that helped me swap Jack's lenses for Logan's when Logan broke his fourth pair of glasses since summer. #angryeyes

Setting... Logan's EEG and neurology appointment.  I am grateful to have it on the calendar. This time we won't just have the test, we will also meet with a neurologist and be able to have our questions answered. I can't wait. I am so exhausted with the constant worry over how physical he should be, how much screen time he should have, how safe is he at home, at school, in the yard, in the tub... I am so over worrying!

Meditating... on the print my sister gave me for my birthday. (Pictured above) I love our small home, even if sometimes it's a bit crowded. I know it's exactly where we are supposed to be, and I love that on cleaning day I can get the whole thing spotless in one fell swoop!

Burning... candles everyday.  My mom gifted me a bunch of candles for Christmas, and I am so thankful.  These cold, snowy, grey days make burning candles feel extra cozy and I love that I'm being good to myself and taking the time to replace them and light them each day when I get home from drop off.

Changing... everyone's bedding. I don't know why but I love a freshly made bed with clean sheets. Nothing feels better than climbing into new sheets at bedtime. I love that my passion for clean sheets has rubbed off on the boys. You should hear them "ooh" and "ahh" when they climb in at bedtime. Priceless.

Listening... to that new song Lost Boy by Ruth B. I downloaded it this weekend while Josh was out of town as a treat to myself, and the boys and I must have listened to it 100 times. I think it's so beautiful, and the boys love it too. Wyatt is perplexed though because he says, "It's a girl singing... but she is telling the story of a lost boy..." He cracks me up.

Reading... 1000 Gifts again, as well as Chasing Light. Still working through Believing God (it's a lot to digest, so I'm taking my time there) and reading The Other Side of the Mountain with the twins at bedtime.  I just started What Was Mine and I'm already half way through. I can't put it down!

Writing... down all the little blessings & ways I see God in my days as I wrap up my 1000 Gifts list.  I am currently on #899. So close!!!  Also writing in my 100th journal!

Living out... the groundhog's prediction with more & more snow!

***

February Goals + a January Goal Recap

So I eased into January (and the new year) with just four goals.

1) No swearing
2) Blog 3x week
3) Read 24 books in 2017 (or 2 books/month)
4) Go to bed at 10pm

Thus far, I am nailing my goals.

1) REVIEW (SWEARING): I went one whole week without swearing (wahoo!) and while I don't expect perfection, I think that kind of success definitely builds on itself.  Plus, to be honest, the writer in me is really enjoying trying to find new & different ways to express myself.  It is forcing me to be much more specific. Instead of saying my day was "crappy" (a very catch-all term) I am forced to say, "My day was tiresome" or "My day was overwhelming" or "My day was lonely".  In that way, it's been like finding an added benefit to giving up cuss words.

2) REVIEW (BLOGGING): I have been blogging like nobody's business! I imagine that will peter out, but maybe not. Maybe blogging nearly everyday keeps me thinking about new ideas and seeing things that I think are worth sharing. Who knows. All I know is that it feels good to be back in this space in such a regular fashion. (And if there is anything you'd like me to blog about, talk more about or questions you want answered, ask away. I'm always open to new post ideas!)

3) REVIEW (READING): For January thus far I have read four books: The Shack, The Alchemist, The BFG, Truly Madly Guilty.  I am still working on Chasing Light & Believing God. I also just started What Was Mine (a book club book from the summer that I never got around to) and The Other Side of the Mountain (the sequel to My Side of the Mountain) with the twins at bedtime.  I'm also working through a Dave Ramsey book with Josh.

4) REVIEW (BEDTIME): Josh and I have been vigilant about the 10pm bedtime and I think we are both much happier people because of it. Now, if Carly would get those two stinking teeth through her gums, maybe she'd get on board and let me have even more sleep! But at least in going to bed earlier, I'm increasing my chances for a good nights' rest.

***

For February I am going crazy. 

New month has me all "Let's set 100 goals!" So pumped!

1) No eating out.
Yay for saving money and being healthier!

2) Meal plan for the entire month
Thank you Tabitha for inspiring me to try monthly meal planning. I sat down Sunday night and wrote out meals for every day in February and honestly, I think doing it like this will give our dinners so much more variety cause it's like I can see the big picture. Plus (bonus!) it's on my 100 Small Things list, so I get to check that bad boy off of there!

3) Workout every weekday for the month
In the spring of 2016 I was really good about daily workouts, but since moving, I haven't picked them back up again. Josh and I are going to change that, and we plan to work out 5 days a week once the kids are in bed for the night. It's not ideal, but we knew that aiming for morning workouts would be risky since Carly's not been a great sleeper. I am excited to get my body a little stronger and maybe lose some of the holiday fluff (okay, belly fat. ha!) that gathered in response to cinnamon rolls, Hello dolly's and Special K bars.

4) Write a poem about motherhood
I am so passionate about being a mom.  About the emotions it evokes and how it brings me full circle with my mom. I am hoping to spend some time contemplating all of those emotions and turning them into a poem.

5) KonMari:

• the kitchen (+ wash down all cabinets)
• the office
• memorabilia

6) Automate bills
Back before we moved I had all our bills automated, and it made my life so much easier. Plus it saved me from writing a check and using a stamp (and visiting the post office). So the goal for this month is to take the four bills that are not automated and make.it.happen!

7) Finish Dave Ramsey's book
Josh and I need to make this a priority this month so that we can start implementing some of his ideas into our life!

8) Do our taxes
#adulting

9) Cut the roses out front
They probably should have been cut down sooner, but better late than never, right?

10) Wash the front window
Once we cut the rose bushes down I am (very!!!) excited to finally be able to clean our living room window on the outside. It's currently pretty darn dirty (and has bird poop smeared in one corner) and I think cleaning it will really brighten that room.

I will be doing these goals in addition to the original four that are going so well (blogging, 10pm bedtime, not swearing & reading).  I'd like to read at least four books this month (in case at some point in the year I get behind on my "24 books goal" I'd like to be ahead a few books.) I want to finish Chasing Light, Believing God, What Was Mine and My Side of the Mountain.  That will put me at 8 books so far, well ahead of where I need to be.

What are your goals for this new month of ours?

A Clean Mouth + a No Phone Challenge

A few weeks ago, inspired by Beth Moore in her book Believing God, I tied a blue piece of string around my wrist as a reminder that I am trying to give up swearing. The string never comes off, I wear it in the shower, doing dishes, everything.  (She suggests giving the reminder string six weeks to work its magic & help you change your habit.)

Well as time has passed, the string has been slowly rinsed of its color. It's now nearly white.  I was noticing how light it is this morning and it struck me as ironic that as I try to cleanse my mouth of foul, unnecessary words, the bracelet I wear as a reminder of this promise, is also getting cleansed. 

Last week I was the most proud of myself on this journey thus far.  Logan had broken his glasses in anger and they were the FOURTH pair he has broken since June. (That's a pair of glasses every two months!!!)  I will admit I did yell... "Logan!!! That's the fourth pair you've broken since June!!! And you have TESTING next week! Now what are you going to do? Go.to.your.room." Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. 

But! But I didn't swear! I didn't even want to. 

Sometimes (since giving up bad words) my yelling sounds like its been censored. I'll be saying that I'm upset about something and then there will be a blank space where normally the curse word would have been.  But this time, I spoke my heart (that I was frustrated) and sent him to his room without uttering a single bad word (or pausing to omit one)!!!

It feels good to be setting an example for the boys (and Carly!) that I would be proud for them to follow.  

Funny enough, just as I'm starting to feel real good about the example I'm setting, Logan challenged me to go the whole day Monday without my phone.  At first I laughed at him, but then he upped the ante and said that if I used my phone, then he and his brothers should get screens cause it's not really fair that they don't get screens all week, but I do. (They only get screen times on the weekends. No TV, no computer, no tablets Monday through Friday... except on Snow Days because #momrules and #survival. #nojudgment! Ha!)

So I rolled that little thought around in my head and eventually agreed to it. I told him I would go the whole day Monday without TV or my phone (no Facebook, no Instagram) and would only answer phone calls or texts, not start any myself. 

And so it was that Monday was the most productive day of 2017. Ha!!!  But for real, I got so much done. The best part was that Wyatt (the kid is a genius) had the idea of putting Logan's lenses in Jack's frames (they have one pair that is the same glasses just in different colors) so I took the pairs in Monday morning to see if it could be done and voila! Logan has a pair of glasses to wear for testing and our "no glasses for our kid who needs them most" dilemma is solved. Hooray! Shout out to Super Wy for being so brilliant!

What habits are you working on creating or eliminating in 2017? How do you keep yourself on track? I've been wanting to do bullet journaling and keep track of my new years resolutions that way, but so far the only thing I've done is make a bookshelf drawing to add "Books I've Read" to.   Maybe with the upcoming addition of February Goals, I will get something figured out in my journal!

***

Why I Cried in the Car Pick Up Line

The other day as I was pulling up to the school like every morning with a van full of kids & backpacks, my eyes welled up and I felt overcome with emotion. Namely gratitude.

This, (this mom in a minivan, shooing the kids out the door, gloves on, shoes tied, coats zipped) is what I've always wanted. What I've always dreamed of. There is nothing spectacular or "of note" in my life right now.  I don't live in rural Alaska anymore, thousands of miles from home, multiple plane rides away from civilization.  I don't help my husband butcher moose in my bathtub or take my kids over to the school in -30 blizzard conditions. That's not my life anymore.  And I'm okay with that.

Our Alaskan adventure was magical.  It had highs and lows.  It was a beautiful couple of chapters in our book, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  They are what's made me so grateful for things that beforehand I took for granted. (ie family, the grocery store & the hospital being nearby.)  But. But I am also okay that those chapters have closed.

I am so happy to be living in a house with a yard in a school district where my kids can go get a great education. I am so happy to be living my boring life in my boring town. (Except to me, it's anything but boring.)

I don't mind being cliche.

For example, every time I pull Carly out of her carseat, about 25 Cheerios fall out as well.  At the grocery store, I'm the mom with three kids orbiting around a moving cart, dabbing as I ask them to get olives or granola bars.  In the mornings I'm the mom feeding the baby in her high chair while hollering to her brothers to "Get your boots on! Make your lunch! Do your hair!"

It's a simpler life we're living now, compared to an isolated village,
but I couldn't be more grateful for it.

I wake up every morning next to a man I have loved since I was a girl, and usually nestled between us from her early morning wake up is the daughter we made after two back-to-back losses.  We wake up with hope literally between us.  As we begin to stir, the boys come in, one after the other after the other, pajamas askew, bed hair flattened to their still warm, sweet heads, and that's how my days begin.  Surrounded by love.  The love of a man who takes better care of us than I ever imagined, and the manifestation of that love, our children.

Sure, most days the four kids get the better of me. I am overwhelmed with chores & to-do's, struggling to fit it all in.  But those moments when God lets me see, really see, all the blessings around me, boy.  They take my breath away.

"I wake to the discontent of life in my skin.  I wake to self-hatred.  To the wrestle to get it all done, the relentless anxiety that I am failing.  Always, the failing.  I yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets.  I live tired.  Afraid. Anxious. Weary.  Years, I feel it in the veins, the pulsing of ruptured hopes.  Would I ever be enough, find enough, do enough? 

But this morning I wake wildly wanting to live... I throw back the covers, take another breath and begin.  I get to.  I get to live."

-Ann Voskamp

***

Around Here: Week 4

Finishing... the KonMari method in all the bedrooms of the house. I am now left with paperwork and memorabilia, which is both exciting and daunting.  I think the biggest difference by far is in our master bedroom (pictured above). 

Enjoying... how Ramona (our girl kitty) pays attention when Carly is down for her nap. As soon as I sit down with my lap top on the couch, she seeks me out and curls up with me.

Loving... the "embrace" sign that Josh's sister Julie made for me.  Embrace is my word of the year for 2017, and having it hang in my dining room will be just the reminder I need when life gets chaotic, crazy & loud.

Feeling good... about not swearing. I have been successful most days the last week.  I am on my way to being a better example for my kids and that feels really good.

Helping... Logan adjust to life after a second seizure. Just like after the first seizure, he has been complaining pretty consistently of headaches, and his teacher and I are working together to be sure that Logan feels safe and heard (especially at school) but also that he not come home every time he doesn't feel 100%.  I feel like I am making everything up as I go, but so far Logan seems comfortable, so I'll call that a win.  We're still waiting to hear back on follow up appointments for him with the neurologist. I promise to keep you posted.

Celebrating... Carly's first birthday this week.  The little sweetheart is just beautiful and brings us all so much joy.

Buying... a baby pen (not sure what else to call it???) for Carly after I caught her with two small legos in her mouth the other morning.  Life with three older brothers is rife with danger, and I think that little play area will be a great safe place for her to exist when I am otherwise occupied cooking, cleaning, or caring for her siblings.

Working hard... to meet Wyatt's needs right now.  The transition from three weeks of snow days (off and on) to school again everyday has been hard for him, but not in the morning.  Oddly, he's been struggling in the afternoon.  He gets home from school, where he has had good behavior and lots of fun, and just starts melting down over the tiniest little thing. Last night when he complained that he couldn't have cake when he wanted I just held him, sympathized and didn't let go as he sobbed into my chest. He cried for so long, but I could tell he felt better, lighter, afterward. Poor guy. It's been a crazy weird month for me, and I'm a grown up. I can't imagine how strange it's felt for him.

Snapping pictures... of the kids' first snow men. The twins wanted to be in the picture with theirs so they tromped back out in the snow in their basketball shorts to pose. Ha! The snowmen were very cute and the boys were proud. They built them on Monday, when we had no school (again! waaah!) because of black ice. At this point the number of missed days in January is getting ridiculous!

Taking... Carly to her one year check up and asking them to split up her shots. She was due for five (!) so we opted to get them a bit staggered.  Luckily she hasn't been extra cranky or anything after the ones she got yesterday. She is teething two teeth, however, and those are causing her to be very drooly and to wake up in the night. Mama is ready for more than two hours' sleep at a time!

And taking... Wyatt to the eye doctor where I found out that his prescription is getting less (smaller?) and there is a real possibility he could even outgrow his need for glasses altogether. That makes this mama (of three boys in glasses) nearly jump for joy!

Contemplating... a truth my friend Tabitha pointed out on her Instagram account earlier this week, which is that we are RIGHT NOW the youngest we will EVER BE.  Which makes RIGHT NOW the time to do ALL THE THINGS you ever wanted to do. It's a thought that never crossed my mind and now I can't stop thinking about it!

Prepping... for a big and meaningful February.  I have big goals for the shortest month of the year and I can't wait to share them with you.

***

For Those Weary Mom Days

Today I woke up tired, grouchy, weary.  As I moved through my morning like molasses, I found myself frustrated after giving the same direction time and time again to any of the three boys trying to get ready for school.  Then I opened the freezer to find it had been open all night and everything was covered in frost like the North Pole, only to then watch as Wyatt stopped short, bowl of cereal & milk in hand, and pour sticky, sugary milk & mini wheats all over the floor by the sink.

Sigh. 

And so it was that I found myself with a case of the Mondays... on Thursday. 

Day to day I work really hard to get my chores done.  Cooking, dishes, laundry & getting those boys out the door has to happen everyday.  But I want to get more done around here that stays done.  So that means pushing myself even harder to accomplish not only my regular chores, but also some of my bigger goals, like organizing the filing cabinet or sorting through the boys' toys or clothes.  

And so, even though I woke up weary, and spent half of Carly's morning nap defrosting the freezer, I am going to push through and get done not only my regular chores, but also some of the things that will stay done.  

Then I'm going to eat some of the cookies Josh made last night.

Because the surest cure for a case of the Mondays, is chocolate.

And the surest cure for those weary mom days, is accomplishing things that make me feel like an amazing homemaker & mom. 

***

Our Hearts in Rockaway

We love love love Rockaway Beach where my grandparents live, 

and we love love love spending time with them.

We had hoped to go visit over Christmas, but they were sick,

so we had to cancel.

Our next plan is to get there over Spring Break.

I can hardly wait!!!