Three Weeks of No Yelling

When I made the decision to quit yelling, I happened upon a blog that I follow (that I love & that makes me laugh, but be forewarned about the swearing!) and saw that she had a banner at the top of her page (click that link and you'll see it along the top) about quitting yelling.  So I clicked on it and was sent an email asking me questions about my yelling.  

Answering those questions was super helpful, and I found these things about myself:

I yell when the kids are:

• wasting my time
• wasting my money (by being wasteful or careless)
• fighting with each other (hitting or being unkind with their words)

It's often when we are running late or heading out the door, or when the house is a mess & I feel out of control.  

It is absolutely ridiculous how much just knowing WHEN I am likely to yell reduced my yelling behavior.  Like recognizing it took away some of its power.  Knowing when I yell was also helpful because now I have been able to make some changes to those times (mostly to our morning routine).

I have also been more purposeful with setting expectations (a trick I learned from Josh's awesome classroom management) and letting the kids know exactly what I am looking for before a situation presents itself.  

Aside from Susie and Josh's inspiration, my friend Emily told me about SimplyOnPurpose's Instagram, and I am seriously in love.  Everyday she is inspiring me (in simple ways) to be a better mom.  She says our goals in parenting should be:

1) teaching

2) modeling happiness

3) being purposeful (through reflection & redirection) 

4) looking for the good in our children

She recommends ignoring the junk behavior & instead praising the good behavior, something Josh swears works wonders in his classroom, and I am on board.  It's hard to switch gears from looking for misbehavior to looking for good behavior, but I am convinced it will be worth the effort. 

Any other advice on not yelling? 

When do you most yell? 

I'd love to hear from other mama's in the trenches! 

We got this, girls!!!

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February Goals + a January Goal Recap

So I eased into January (and the new year) with just four goals.

1) No swearing
2) Blog 3x week
3) Read 24 books in 2017 (or 2 books/month)
4) Go to bed at 10pm

Thus far, I am nailing my goals.

1) REVIEW (SWEARING): I went one whole week without swearing (wahoo!) and while I don't expect perfection, I think that kind of success definitely builds on itself.  Plus, to be honest, the writer in me is really enjoying trying to find new & different ways to express myself.  It is forcing me to be much more specific. Instead of saying my day was "crappy" (a very catch-all term) I am forced to say, "My day was tiresome" or "My day was overwhelming" or "My day was lonely".  In that way, it's been like finding an added benefit to giving up cuss words.

2) REVIEW (BLOGGING): I have been blogging like nobody's business! I imagine that will peter out, but maybe not. Maybe blogging nearly everyday keeps me thinking about new ideas and seeing things that I think are worth sharing. Who knows. All I know is that it feels good to be back in this space in such a regular fashion. (And if there is anything you'd like me to blog about, talk more about or questions you want answered, ask away. I'm always open to new post ideas!)

3) REVIEW (READING): For January thus far I have read four books: The Shack, The Alchemist, The BFG, Truly Madly Guilty.  I am still working on Chasing Light & Believing God. I also just started What Was Mine (a book club book from the summer that I never got around to) and The Other Side of the Mountain (the sequel to My Side of the Mountain) with the twins at bedtime.  I'm also working through a Dave Ramsey book with Josh.

4) REVIEW (BEDTIME): Josh and I have been vigilant about the 10pm bedtime and I think we are both much happier people because of it. Now, if Carly would get those two stinking teeth through her gums, maybe she'd get on board and let me have even more sleep! But at least in going to bed earlier, I'm increasing my chances for a good nights' rest.

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For February I am going crazy. 

New month has me all "Let's set 100 goals!" So pumped!

1) No eating out.
Yay for saving money and being healthier!

2) Meal plan for the entire month
Thank you Tabitha for inspiring me to try monthly meal planning. I sat down Sunday night and wrote out meals for every day in February and honestly, I think doing it like this will give our dinners so much more variety cause it's like I can see the big picture. Plus (bonus!) it's on my 100 Small Things list, so I get to check that bad boy off of there!

3) Workout every weekday for the month
In the spring of 2016 I was really good about daily workouts, but since moving, I haven't picked them back up again. Josh and I are going to change that, and we plan to work out 5 days a week once the kids are in bed for the night. It's not ideal, but we knew that aiming for morning workouts would be risky since Carly's not been a great sleeper. I am excited to get my body a little stronger and maybe lose some of the holiday fluff (okay, belly fat. ha!) that gathered in response to cinnamon rolls, Hello dolly's and Special K bars.

4) Write a poem about motherhood
I am so passionate about being a mom.  About the emotions it evokes and how it brings me full circle with my mom. I am hoping to spend some time contemplating all of those emotions and turning them into a poem.

5) KonMari:

• the kitchen (+ wash down all cabinets)
• the office
• memorabilia

6) Automate bills
Back before we moved I had all our bills automated, and it made my life so much easier. Plus it saved me from writing a check and using a stamp (and visiting the post office). So the goal for this month is to take the four bills that are not automated and make.it.happen!

7) Finish Dave Ramsey's book
Josh and I need to make this a priority this month so that we can start implementing some of his ideas into our life!

8) Do our taxes
#adulting

9) Cut the roses out front
They probably should have been cut down sooner, but better late than never, right?

10) Wash the front window
Once we cut the rose bushes down I am (very!!!) excited to finally be able to clean our living room window on the outside. It's currently pretty darn dirty (and has bird poop smeared in one corner) and I think cleaning it will really brighten that room.

I will be doing these goals in addition to the original four that are going so well (blogging, 10pm bedtime, not swearing & reading).  I'd like to read at least four books this month (in case at some point in the year I get behind on my "24 books goal" I'd like to be ahead a few books.) I want to finish Chasing Light, Believing God, What Was Mine and My Side of the Mountain.  That will put me at 8 books so far, well ahead of where I need to be.

What are your goals for this new month of ours?

A Clean Mouth + a No Phone Challenge

A few weeks ago, inspired by Beth Moore in her book Believing God, I tied a blue piece of string around my wrist as a reminder that I am trying to give up swearing. The string never comes off, I wear it in the shower, doing dishes, everything.  (She suggests giving the reminder string six weeks to work its magic & help you change your habit.)

Well as time has passed, the string has been slowly rinsed of its color. It's now nearly white.  I was noticing how light it is this morning and it struck me as ironic that as I try to cleanse my mouth of foul, unnecessary words, the bracelet I wear as a reminder of this promise, is also getting cleansed. 

Last week I was the most proud of myself on this journey thus far.  Logan had broken his glasses in anger and they were the FOURTH pair he has broken since June. (That's a pair of glasses every two months!!!)  I will admit I did yell... "Logan!!! That's the fourth pair you've broken since June!!! And you have TESTING next week! Now what are you going to do? Go.to.your.room." Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. 

But! But I didn't swear! I didn't even want to. 

Sometimes (since giving up bad words) my yelling sounds like its been censored. I'll be saying that I'm upset about something and then there will be a blank space where normally the curse word would have been.  But this time, I spoke my heart (that I was frustrated) and sent him to his room without uttering a single bad word (or pausing to omit one)!!!

It feels good to be setting an example for the boys (and Carly!) that I would be proud for them to follow.  

Funny enough, just as I'm starting to feel real good about the example I'm setting, Logan challenged me to go the whole day Monday without my phone.  At first I laughed at him, but then he upped the ante and said that if I used my phone, then he and his brothers should get screens cause it's not really fair that they don't get screens all week, but I do. (They only get screen times on the weekends. No TV, no computer, no tablets Monday through Friday... except on Snow Days because #momrules and #survival. #nojudgment! Ha!)

So I rolled that little thought around in my head and eventually agreed to it. I told him I would go the whole day Monday without TV or my phone (no Facebook, no Instagram) and would only answer phone calls or texts, not start any myself. 

And so it was that Monday was the most productive day of 2017. Ha!!!  But for real, I got so much done. The best part was that Wyatt (the kid is a genius) had the idea of putting Logan's lenses in Jack's frames (they have one pair that is the same glasses just in different colors) so I took the pairs in Monday morning to see if it could be done and voila! Logan has a pair of glasses to wear for testing and our "no glasses for our kid who needs them most" dilemma is solved. Hooray! Shout out to Super Wy for being so brilliant!

What habits are you working on creating or eliminating in 2017? How do you keep yourself on track? I've been wanting to do bullet journaling and keep track of my new years resolutions that way, but so far the only thing I've done is make a bookshelf drawing to add "Books I've Read" to.   Maybe with the upcoming addition of February Goals, I will get something figured out in my journal!

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Around Here: Week 4

Finishing... the KonMari method in all the bedrooms of the house. I am now left with paperwork and memorabilia, which is both exciting and daunting.  I think the biggest difference by far is in our master bedroom (pictured above). 

Enjoying... how Ramona (our girl kitty) pays attention when Carly is down for her nap. As soon as I sit down with my lap top on the couch, she seeks me out and curls up with me.

Loving... the "embrace" sign that Josh's sister Julie made for me.  Embrace is my word of the year for 2017, and having it hang in my dining room will be just the reminder I need when life gets chaotic, crazy & loud.

Feeling good... about not swearing. I have been successful most days the last week.  I am on my way to being a better example for my kids and that feels really good.

Helping... Logan adjust to life after a second seizure. Just like after the first seizure, he has been complaining pretty consistently of headaches, and his teacher and I are working together to be sure that Logan feels safe and heard (especially at school) but also that he not come home every time he doesn't feel 100%.  I feel like I am making everything up as I go, but so far Logan seems comfortable, so I'll call that a win.  We're still waiting to hear back on follow up appointments for him with the neurologist. I promise to keep you posted.

Celebrating... Carly's first birthday this week.  The little sweetheart is just beautiful and brings us all so much joy.

Buying... a baby pen (not sure what else to call it???) for Carly after I caught her with two small legos in her mouth the other morning.  Life with three older brothers is rife with danger, and I think that little play area will be a great safe place for her to exist when I am otherwise occupied cooking, cleaning, or caring for her siblings.

Working hard... to meet Wyatt's needs right now.  The transition from three weeks of snow days (off and on) to school again everyday has been hard for him, but not in the morning.  Oddly, he's been struggling in the afternoon.  He gets home from school, where he has had good behavior and lots of fun, and just starts melting down over the tiniest little thing. Last night when he complained that he couldn't have cake when he wanted I just held him, sympathized and didn't let go as he sobbed into my chest. He cried for so long, but I could tell he felt better, lighter, afterward. Poor guy. It's been a crazy weird month for me, and I'm a grown up. I can't imagine how strange it's felt for him.

Snapping pictures... of the kids' first snow men. The twins wanted to be in the picture with theirs so they tromped back out in the snow in their basketball shorts to pose. Ha! The snowmen were very cute and the boys were proud. They built them on Monday, when we had no school (again! waaah!) because of black ice. At this point the number of missed days in January is getting ridiculous!

Taking... Carly to her one year check up and asking them to split up her shots. She was due for five (!) so we opted to get them a bit staggered.  Luckily she hasn't been extra cranky or anything after the ones she got yesterday. She is teething two teeth, however, and those are causing her to be very drooly and to wake up in the night. Mama is ready for more than two hours' sleep at a time!

And taking... Wyatt to the eye doctor where I found out that his prescription is getting less (smaller?) and there is a real possibility he could even outgrow his need for glasses altogether. That makes this mama (of three boys in glasses) nearly jump for joy!

Contemplating... a truth my friend Tabitha pointed out on her Instagram account earlier this week, which is that we are RIGHT NOW the youngest we will EVER BE.  Which makes RIGHT NOW the time to do ALL THE THINGS you ever wanted to do. It's a thought that never crossed my mind and now I can't stop thinking about it!

Prepping... for a big and meaningful February.  I have big goals for the shortest month of the year and I can't wait to share them with you.

***

Around Here: Week 3

 Testing... the boys color vision with an easy online test. (And blogging all about it.)

Watching... Carly take her first steps.  It was so exciting.  The boys thought it was the best thing ever.  But every time we tried to capture it on video, she would just stand there.  Silly girl.  We're also watching her scale the walls and get VERY excited when she hears the bath running.  She crawls at lightening speed down the hall and into the bathroom when she hears the water turn on. Smarty!

Feeding... Carly all the foods!  She loves everything and it's so fun to watch her try new things.  This week was lasagna and french bread. She ate every bite!

Wrapping... my mind around the fact that our sweet, precious little girl will be one year old on Tuesday.  It feels impossible that twelve whole months have passed since she joined our family, but on the other hand, I can hardly remember what it was like without her.  She makes all of us laugh everyday and it's going to be so much fun watching her as she grows.

Worrying... about Logan as he had a second seizure this week.  This time we will be following up with an MRI and a meeting with the neurologist.

Succeeding... in giving up swearing for the first time this week (after trying for nearly three weeks & failing everyday!), and loving this inspiring quote:

"Your kids watch you for a living. 

It's their job; it's what they do.  

That's why it's so important 

to try your best 

to be a good role model." 

-James Lehman

Reading... very little this week because #toomanysnowdays!  With the kids home, it felt like all I could do was keep up with laundry & dishes.  Hopefully next week we are back to normal and I get some big things crossed off my to-do list!

Going... stir crazy with the kids home ALL week.  They finally went today, but it was 2 hour late start, so that time just flew right by!  I think they've gone to school four or five days total this month.  The weather has been ridiculous.  Snow, wind, rain & ice... we've had it all!

Admiring... the way the freezing rain looks on all our plants outside.  I took Josh's good camera out and captured some of it-- it's just breathtakingly beautiful.

Missing... Facebook, so I went back.  But my goal is to only check it when I'm nursing Carly.  It was a nice break and good to know I can go without it, but I missed everyone, so I'm happy to be back. :)

Feeling... grateful Josh got the boys out as much as he could during our days stuck at home.  The highlight of all these snow days was definitely having snowball fights with dad.

Trying... my hand at some creative journaling, including making myself a "Bookshelf" to keep track of my 2017 "Read 24 books" goal. It turned out pretty cute and I think I will enjoy keeping it up, which is a bonus.

With worry about Logan heavy on my mind, this quote felt fitting.  I know that God chose me to be the mom of these kids, which means he trusts me to be Logan's caretaker.  It's a huge responsibility, but it makes me proud that God knew I'd be the perfect mom for the job.

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