around here: week 31 2020

{July 26-August 1}

{reading to Molly}

 

{Phoenix & Mrs. Cunningham}

{my boy}

{Carly's porcupine drawing}

Sending... the boys off with Josh to go shooting while Carly had a playdate with Liesel and Andrea.  They had so much fun and I really enjoyed the house to myself. (Time alone is my love language.)

Spending... time with cousins, swimming, talking, laughing, and making memories in the last few days Josh's sister was in town with her kids before they left.  I am so grateful for these days we had together (after our talk-which I shared last week), for us and for our kids.  So much magic.

Learning... that Josh's district has changed from in-person to online.  I'm glad this decision was made because I think it's safe based on the number of cases their county is still seeing, but I am disappointed for Josh who would (in a perfect world) rather teach in person.  It's such a different experience trying to reach kids through a screen.

Surviving... with Josh off in meetings all day Tuesday, starting with a consultation with a urologist for a vasectomy (we are so done having kids- quarantine confirmed this. hah!) and followed by a meeting with his fourth grade teaching team while the twins were off at the land with Grandma, Papa & Alvin.

Attending... book club to choose our next six months of books.  We ended up deciding on Prairie Lotus, The Giver of Stars, The Princess Bride, Lila, Mindset and Grace Where You Are.  I'm especially excited for Lila, which is part of a trilogy (Gilead, Home & Lila) I ordered used from Powell's and have heard about from multiple people I follow on Bookstagram & in the blogging world.  I can't wait to dive in!

Grateful... that Josh took Molly to the vet for me after his meeting with his student teacher so I could stay & play with Shana and her kids.  She is good on shots and appointments until she is old enough to get spayed. It's nice to have that done.

Enjoying... a pool playdate with  my bestie & her kids on Wednesday.  She brought pizza for lunch and then we let the kids swim.  They had a lot of fun together, and I love her kids.  They're so cute!

Doing... laundry like a madwoman while Carly & Wyatt were at the land Thursday.  Between loads I also managed to get a nap and some downtime, which was lovely.

Feeling... proud of Carly as she worked through her emotions about a dead porcupine she saw in the parking lot at Dollar Tree with Grandma Carol this week.  When she saw it she asked, "Why is it out of nature?" She's so smart and curious.  When I chatted with her about it, she was adamant that it was not dead, just seemed dead, so we concluded that the woman "helping" it was taking it to the vet.  She's so tenderhearted.

Hearing... the devastating news that one of my students from my days as a staff assistant (pre-kids) has passed away.  Phoenix was my boy.  He was the one who made me come in on days when I didn't want to.  He is the one who made me want to do a better job, be a better person, make the world a better place.  I truly cannot believe he is dead. I feel awful for his mom and his brothers.
His loss has hit me harder than I could have ever imagined.  I am so grateful his mom thought to reach out and find me (thank you, Facebook) to let me know that he's gone, and to let me know the impact I had on him.  Because he certainly had an impact on me.

Packing... for our trip to Vancouver Friday amidst reading journals of my time with Phoenix back in 2006.  My favorite was finding an entry about him (in first grade) informing the teacher that George Washington had wooden teeth during his presidency... you know, back when the dinosaurs were alive. Haha! He was such a joy. Always making me laugh or think deep thoughts.

Quietly... enjoying chicken bacon pizza Josh made with tomatoes and onion from our garden while we watched The Martian, a lovely reprieve from my thoughts and sadness about Phoenix.

Leaving... for Vancouver and looking forward to a lovely visit with my parents.

Starting... an Instagram reading account and feeling so happy about it. I feel like such a nerd for the amount of joy it brings me. Please check it out if you enjoy reading or want recommendations. I'd love to talk books there with you! @shellyreadsbooks

Contemplating... getting a tattoo in honor of Phoenix.  I currently have no tattoos, and am the only one in my family of origin who doesn't have one.  My parents both have them, my sister and brother have them, and my youngest brother is actually a tattoo artist. It's funny... but not having a tattoo (in my family)  makes me the black sheep. Hah!
I was telling Josh that I just feel like I want to do something permanent to show that Phoenix had an impact on me.  I'm not sure if I will go through with it. And I don't know what I would get it, but it's something I'm considering. I am thinking of either a black phoenix like I have posted above (below the pictures of him) or his name in tiny cursive somewhere.

(His family has a gofundme to help with funeral costs & getting his body from Florida, where he died from complications of heat stroke, back home to Washington. If you want to donate, I've included the link.)

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2006 Baby Name List

While reading through my old journals to find nuggets of time with Phoenix I had recorded, I found this list of names.  I didn't know or remember that Carly was a name I liked before I was pregnant with her.  That made me smile.

When I was pregnant with the twins, their names would have been Bailey Renee (or Bailey Kate) and Claire Ariella if they had been girls. And Logan would have been Landon, but I knew of a girl whose baby Landon had died traumatically, so that name made me think of him, and I switched to Logan, after Mary Ann's boyfriend in The Baby-Sitter's Club.  And Josh said he didn't want a "junior" so we just named Jack Jack, no junior.  But I did use Sawyer and Henry as middle names for the twins.

So fun to look at.

**

around here: week 24 2020

 

 

{the boys ordered Josh a miniature of his car for Father's Day with my mom- so cute!}

{the girls- Carly & Annie- saying goodnight to each other on Facetime}

Enduring... tooth pain like I have never felt before.  It was like labor- I had to close my eyes and breathe through it.  I was absolutely miserable. After I went to my dentist, the pain went from generalized jaw pain to a more localized pain that was much more tolerable. Hallelujah! 

Grateful... for the twins when they spent their money on ordering pizza in on Tuesday when Josh was at work late (returning his students' belongings to their parents as they swung by the school pick-up line) as I was miserable from tooth pain.

Celebrating... our last day of school, finally!!  The last three months have been a challenge, and not at all what we expected the end of third or sixth grade to look like.  But we made it, and with flying colors.  The boys grades are excellent, their participation was great, and for the most part, all our attitudes stayed on the positive side. So I am calling this year a win!!

Reading... Little Women with the boys while Josh has a turn laying Carly down for a while.  We finished Call of the Wild so quick, Josh said to read them another chapter book and Little Women is what I chose.  They are really liking it so far, and Wyatt made me laugh when he asked, "If a girl who acts like a boy is a tomboy" (like Jo)... "then what is a boy who acts like a girl called?" I didn't have an answer for him.

Having... a mouthguard made by my dentist, in hopes that my stress-related teeth clenching would be stopped by a good mouth guard and that would eliminate my tooth pain.  But I also have a follow up with the endodontist to see if my problem is due to my needing a root canal. (fingers crossed) We'll see what's up.

Taking... George to the vet to get his eye checked out.  All the stress of Ramona passing, getting a new kitten and adjusting to Grady as George has spent more time downstairs seems to have created an eye infection for him, which I guess is quite common.  So he needs a twice daily ointment to heal up.  Poor guy.
I also took Molly in to the vet this week to get her first set of shots.  She was a super good girl and didn't seem phased by them at all.

Watching... Orange Is The New Black, and enjoying the prison riot episodes. They're so intense!! We only have two (ish) seasons left, and then I'm not sure what we'll watch. But I know I will miss all these characters!!

Visiting... the chiropractor in case my jaw tension is from any neck issues.  I'm telling you, being in this kind of pain from my jaw/teeth has me attacking it from all sides. 

Talking... to my mom about the pool she and my dad are gifting us (!!!!) since the pool here in town likely won't be opening this summer (thanks a lot Coronavirus!) and about how life is hard right now and how much we miss each other.  I guess I can thank Coronavirus genuinely for making me realize how important my people are to me.  I won't take seeing them for granted after this, that's for sure.

Enjoying... another visit from my sister & her crew.  The kids had so much fun together, and we (as always) had a great time catching up.  She even helped me with a project I'd been putting off.  A while back I ordered another bookshelf for my bedroom and it came last week.  Josh put it together for me, but I still hadn't unpacked my journals and put them on it, so Roxanne helped me.  They have been in boxes since we moved ten months ago! It feels so good to see them all on their shelves.  I have over one hundred!

Spending... movie night on the "phone" (pretend ones made from Tinker toys) with Carly, who told me she lived next door and asked me to deliver her pizza and cookies to "the purple house" where she lived. Then when the movie was over, she called to thank me for the good pizza & cookies.  She's just so much fun. I'm so glad she's ours.

Happy... that Wyatt is doing so well off Singulair.  I was nervous at first when his pulmonologist and I agreed we'd try to take him off of it.  But his lungs have shown no changes, and I'm so relieved. 
(Singulair has been linked with depression and suicide and I didn't want to have that risk for Wyatt if I didn't have to.  That's why we chose to take him off it.  He's currently on Asmanex, a daily prevention inhaler, and that's working to keep his lungs healthy.)

{I love this}

***

{100% accurate}

See The Good + 2020 Goals

 For the last few years I have chosen a "word of the year"

and this year I wanted to do the same.

When I sat down to think about what I wanted to focus on in my life, 

especially in parenthood & for overall my mental health,

"See The Good" came to me.  

So my main goal this year is to see the good in everything around me.

When things go wrong, or the kids get sick, I want to find the silver lining.

To bring this goal into fruition daily, I grabbed a tiny lined notebook I had lying around and every night I try to write down as many good things as I can that I noticed that day.  It's been super simple, and very impactful because as I go through my day I find myself searching for what things I will be writing down that evening in my little "See The Good" journal. 

In addition to "See The Good", I have some other goals as well:

• Journal more often
• I'm thinking once a week as my specific goal, kind of as a way to replace counseling which I stopped over summer. 
• Save $100/month for Christmas
• This is a "dream big" goal!
• If I do this, I know it will help us keep Christmas "cash only", which we managed this year, but was way more tight than we wanted it to be.
• I hope to achieve this by selling random items I come across as I organize the house in the new year. 
• Walk
• I know I need to workout to help reduce my stress level and improve my sleep.
• Walking happens to be my preferred method of exercise.
• So far, I have not made this happen (thanks to being sick myself & having sick kids) but hopefully I can start in February.
• Read 100 books
• Last year I made it to 89 and was this.close!
• This year I am planning to read at least 8 books a month, more some months.
• I hope to be reading at least 3 books at a time: one non-fiction, one fiction & one audio.
• I'll be posting more about my related "Unread Shelf Project" goals soon!
• "Center Down"
• This is a phrase Anne Morrow Lindbergh, mother of six, used in this quote that struck me some months ago: “Woman's life today is tending more and more toward the state William James describes so well in the German word, 'Zerrissenheit: torn-to-pieces-hood.' She cannot live perpetually in 'Zerrissenheit.' She will be shattered into a thousand pieces. On the contrary, she must consciously encourage those pursuits which oppose the centrifugal forces of today…. Solitude, says the moon shell. Center-down, say the Quaker saints." This idea of surviving the insanity of all the chaos around me by "centering down", finding peace within, and being the "eye of the storm" has been very useful as my home has grown more busy with each passing year. 
• I like this quote from Michael Singer's Untethered Soul as well: "The truth is, everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything."  
• I am going to try and make sure that throughout each day I am taking time to breathe and center myself because I know that much of our family's happiness revolves around my ability to keep my cool. (So much pressure!)

*

What are your goals for 2020? Do you have a word for the year?

I'd love to hear all about it!

Week 21 Around Here {2019}

Listening... to another podcast on marriage.  This one was about 5 Secrets to a Happy Marriage.  It had a lot of simple, but really applicable advice.  I also listened to the Simple, Powerful Truth About Marriage, also by Jody Moore at Better Than Happy. They were both super good.  I highly recommend them.

Reading... The Simple Wild and listening to The Nest.  Up next I have Beauty (a retelling of Beauty and the Beast); Bel Canto and Before Green Gables, which I'm really excited about.
The Simple Wild was amazing to read.  It's a book about a girl whose dad lives in rural Alaska, running a small airline company.  Following her journey to the bush was spell binding because of the five years we spent there.  It was like getting a chance to go back and visit.  It made me so nostalgic for that time in our life.  (As you can see in the flashback pictures above.)

Setting up... Wyatt's neurology appointment for the cyst on his pineal gland at Seattle Children's.  He will meet with them mid-July, and while I am nervous, I am just grateful to get it on the calendar. 
Prayers for an understanding doctor who has expertise in this area would be greatly appreciated.

Telling... some parents about behavior that their kids were engaged in that was highly difficult to point out and discuss.  I honestly considered not even telling the parents about it... but in the end, I knew that if I were the parent, I would truly want to know what my child had done.  So I sucked it up and bit the bullet.
I tried really hard not to come off judgmental, just informative and understanding.  Gosh parenting is hard.  The whole situation made me really proud of one of our boys, though, who made the hard decision to tell another parent about their child as well. It was a moral dilemma for him; one that I wanted him to make on his own; and he came to the exact conclusion I had secretly hoped he would.

Raising... a bunch of rednecks. Literally.  haha!
The kids spent all of Saturday out at "the land" (what we call the 40 acres Josh's parents own just outside of town) riding their four wheelers, shooting guns with their dad & uncle, and helping mow some grassy patches for their Grandma.  It wasn't super hot and sunny, so they ended up unexpectedly sunburned on their necks, which made Josh and I laugh out loud.
We are so darn grateful for the experiences they get to have out there.  It's the stuff most ten year old boys' dreams are made of. That's for sure.

Enjoying... movie night with them after their long day in the sun.  We had pizza and for dessert we all had Kit Kats, which Wyatt challenged us to eat without breaking into sticks.  I have never (in my life) eating a Kit Kat by biting into the whole thing.  I will admit, it felt really strange to bite it.  But it was delicious nonetheless. Ha!

Spending... a little time with a friend between errands and movie night with the kids.  It was much needed and I was so happy to see her. {Love you girl!}

Going... to counseling and asking how to make room for my kids' pain.  When they hurt, I just want to make it stop or glaze over it.  But I know that part of being a good mom means going into the hurt, into the hard with them.  My counselor said that I need to go into the darkness and explore the pain.  The way I can do that is by asking exploratory questions.  So that's my goal- to try and let them feel their feelings without shutting them down, while asking probing, open ended questions.

Praying... for Toby & Ember as they both recover from heart surgeries.  These babies and their stories are just amazing.

Watching... Josh and Uncle Samuel teach Carly how to ride her new big girl bike from our sweet friend Jolene.  She dropped it by one day, having heard that Carly was ready for the next step, and all we had to do was pick up a pair of training wheels and a helmet.
The bike is covered in princesses, which delights Carly to no end, and I just know that by the end of summer she'll be an old pro.

Taking... Wyatt to the doctor for his asthma which came back after just a few days off his oral steroid.  I was scared when his numbers started to drop again.  Hopefully we can keep them from dropping any further with the nebulizer and his Flovent.  I really don't want to put him on oral steroids again.  They suppress his immune system, which just makes him more likely to get sick again, and start the whole cycle over again.

Baseballin'... with two games Monday night, and another game for the twins this week.  Unfortunately Wyatt had to miss his second game because of his asthma.

Joining... a new book club in my neighborhood and feeling so excited about some of the books we're going to be reading! We chose books from now until December, and my contribution was Molokai, which has been on my shelf forever. I can't wait to read it. (It's August's pick!)

Splurging... on Dairy Queen blizzards and enjoying them in the sunshine with the kids.  This is what spring is all about.

Journaling... or attempting to, in order to combat my overeating.  I am so behind in my journal that I don't know where to start, but I am working on it anyway, just jumping in. Something's gotta give or I am going to balloon back up to my pre-weight loss weight, and I really don't want to lose ALL the work I did last year.

Walking... all the days in May and feeling so proud of myself.  My weight has ballooned up from what I lost last year and it would be really easy to beat myself up.  But instead I am just really proud of myself when I am active.

Contemplating... deep thoughts when Wyatt asked me, "Would you rather die at birth or live in pain?" I am telling you, this kid... He is so thoughtful and profound.  He asks me at least one question everyday that I don't the answer to.  (What is the sun made of? When will our sun die? etc.)

Laughing... when Jack described a funeral as a "sad party". And when I laughed out loud, he stopped and looked at me, dead on, and said, "Well, I'm right. That's exactly what it is."
He's not wrong.

Loving... how Carly explained her vision before & after glasses: 

"Without my glasses, everything is not beautiful.  
And then when I put my glasses on, everything is beautiful-er."

I also love how she sings along with Imagine Dragons' "Thunder", singing "Thunda! Thunda!" enthusiastically.  And how she calls skirts that twirl "Dancing Pants."  The other day Wyatt was dancing while we waited at the doctors office and Carly said, "Wyatt! You can't dance! You don't even have your dancing pants on!" I had no idea what she was talking about or what dancing pants were, until later I went to put a twirly skirt on her and she said, "Oh! I love these dancing pants!" I was cry laughing.

Poor big brother Wyatt with no dancing pants that twirl.  How he must suffer.
Hah!

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