Around Here: Week 42

 

Reeling... from Logan having a seizure this weekend, and the corresponding news from his neurologist that he is due for a medication increase.  When we were first putting him on meds back in January, it was a long (long) road as his body adjusted.  He suffered stomach aches, headaches, dizziness and lots of anxiety.  So increasing his meds is making me nervous to say the least.  Prayers for an easy adjustment are welcome.

Visiting... my sister & her family this weekend while Josh worked on his parents land building a pump house.  We let the kids go wild in their costumes at a park near her house and they had so much fun. It was a great way to spend a Saturday in October.

Sharing... a new post, as well as some older posts, about miscarriage as we celebrated Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day on October 15th.  I'll post all the links here so you can read them more easily.

• Pregnancy Loss Awareness
• Every Feeling
• Life After Miscarriage
• Extending Grace
• Hope After Miscarriage
• Not Allowed

Created... more cards for my Etsy shop this week during nap time and uploaded them this morning.  So many cute cards-- check them out!!!

Not yelling... and sharing an update on the blog.  Basically I haven't been yelling in three weeks, and it feels so good.  I am still occasionally sending the boys to their room for a minute while I calm down, but for the most part I am able to keep my cool, which is a huge change from September.

Reading... nothing this week except for The Magician's Elephant which I am reading to the boys at bedtime.  Up next is How Will You Measure Your Life by Clayton Christensen, which Ralphie from @simplyonpurpose recommended.

Surviving... seven days (in.a.row) of migraines.  What a nightmare that was.  Thank goodness for Sumatriptan.  It makes me feel like garbage for about two hours, but then the side effects (and the headache) are gone for good!

Enjoying... meeting for coffee & playdates with my friends here.  They are such a blessing to me as I navigate October, which is a notoriously hard month for me.  October 2013 I suffered terrible depression & anxiety while living in rural Alaska, October 2014 I suffered my first miscarriage, also in rural Alaska.  October 2015 I was pregnant with Carly & living without Josh (because he was gone teaching in rural Alaska). And last October, I was adjusting to the boys in school and living in our new hometown, which was hard as summer ended.  I had been doing well this month, but Logan's seizure along with a few other stressors have thrown me for a bit of a loop, so I'm allowing myself to do whatever it takes to get through the days.  If that means I have coffee & playdates four days a week, so be it!  I know that I have to be functioning for this family to keep functioning, so I am going to take care of myself as much as possible.

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Pregnancy Loss Awareness

When I had my first miscarriage in October of 2014, I remember so distinctly the people who sent cards & gifts, and who were willing to talk about my lost baby and my subsequent lost dreams in the weeks after.  My Uncle Steve sent a card to let me know he was thinking of me; my friend Katie sent a care package with pajamas and slippers, and my sister & friend Kari texted constantly, telling me not to lose hope.  Those messages of love & support after my loss meant the world to me.  

Thinking back on the village that surrounded me during that time has inspired me to create a new line of cards in my Etsy shop specifically for pregnancy loss & miscarriage.  It's such a taboo topic that many women go through this heartbreaking life experience not only feeling empty from the lost life that once warmed their wombs, but also from the lack of love & understanding they receive from those around them.

Let me say this, I know it's hard to know what to say.  

But let me also tell you this, 

it's not so much what you say as it is the heart behind it.  

For instance, when my friend told me "Maybe it just wasn't the right time", I felt the love behind those words and took them as comfort.  When my counselor told me, "Maybe mama just wasn't ready for another baby", I felt angry and frustrated that she didn't understand.  The difference was that my friend was trying to comfort me whereas the counselor was giving me platitudes in hopes of making me move on.  

So my advice to you? Say something. Anything.  Even a simple, "I'm thinking of you" can mean so much as a mama traverses the rocky road of miscarriage.  Reach out and feel free to talk about the pregnancy, the baby and would-have-been future.  Sharing our grief lightens our load.  Also don't be afraid to talk about the future.  I had a hard time imagining future pregnancies after my initial loss (I had two subsequent pregnancies-- one that ended in another miscarriage and one that ended with Carly!) so hearing other people talk about the future reminded me that these feelings, this sense of loss, would not last forever.  There was hope on the horizon.  (Thank you, Kari, for all those talks!)

In honor of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month, I will be sharing one miscarriage post every day this week.  These are posts I've written over time in the three years since my loss.  Every woman's journey is different and I think it's important that we know we aren't alone as we experience the loss of our babies.  

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Around Here: Week 39

Etsy Shop

Yelling... at my kids too much.  So yesterday I wrote a little post about the change I am going to make. I am determined to not be a horrible, unhappy mother anymore. Advice welcome.

Grateful... for my mom visiting so I could get my big project wrapped up.  She also splurged and got me some Bath & Body Works candles and some Scentsy.  She also bought the boys their Halloween costumes, and they were elated and so thankful.

Opening... an Etsy shop!!! I have decided the best way to bring in some extra income while still caring for Carly is to make cards and sell them online.  I used to sell Stampin' Up! which I loved, and I still have that card making girl inside me. So I am setting her loose on my paper supply to see what we can come up with.  I am so excited!

Playing... Monopoly with Jack and planning special time (what we call it when they get to stay up past their normal bedtime) with each other brother individually as well.  It was so much fun!

Baking... pumpkin muffins to kick off fall!

Hosting... a playdate with the moms from my MOPS table.  The kids had so much fun and I really enjoyed getting to know the other women better.

Attending... book club last night.  Man those girls are a blast! I needed those laughs and that sense of camaraderie.  Like I'm not alone in this insane trip called Motherhood.

Reading... A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Junie B. Jones, and I Liked My Life.  I am loving I Liked My Life!

Seeing... Home Again with my sister last weekend.  It's SO fun that she lives close enough to get together on occasion.

Watching... our yard bunny, Benjamin.  He's gotten really comfortable around us and doesn't run away immediately when we see him. It's super fun to let the kids get close.  Carly loves him.

Looking forward... to decorating for Halloween.

Drawing inspiration... from other mama's out there:

"If we're not enjoying life, nobody is. 

That's how much power we mom's have."

-Kristina Kuzmic

-Glennon Melton Doyle

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