all.by.myself

It's funny to me that as the boys get older they constantly tell me they want to do it "myself". They don't want help getting into or out of their high chairs; they don't want help climbing into the car; they don't want help putting on lotion. Everything needs to be done "myself."
90% of the time, I love this. (Only when I am in a hurry and them doing it themselves equals a huge mess do I loathe this stage.)

It's ironic because I am going through the same stage in my parenting of them. I find it amusing that we are going through the "do-it-myself" phase together. Going to the park? "I do it myself!" Going to the doctor? "I do it myself!" Going grocery shopping? "I do it myself!" And just like the kids, I am so proud of "myself" when I do it "myself!"Some of the activities that I have taken on solo require special planning, but that just adds to the sense of accomplishment when I am done. None of the above listed outings are done the way a mom of singletons would do it, but I am learning to adjust, make due and be flexible.
For instance, when I went to urgency care (Logan had pink eye, which Jack has since contracted- gotta love twins!), I loaded the boys up in the double stroller, stocked the diaper bag chock full of toys, sippy cups, snacks, bubbas and binkies to avoid screaming toddlers in the waiting room. And when I was called back to see the doctor, I followed the nurse with that huge Cadillac of a thing, pausing at the weight scale, unbuckling and pulling Jack out to weigh him, putting him back in the stroller and doing it yet again with Logan. Rule Numero Uno? They must stay in the stroller. To unleash the two of them with only one parent in the room would be chaos. The doctor was patient as I pulled each boy out, buckling his brother back in, and the boys were surprisingly good during their turn.
As I left the doctors office, in classic Northwest style, it was POURING. DOWN. RAIN. I rushed to put the boys in the car first. Once they were in, I had to unload the stroller- my purse, their coats, the diaper bag... Then I still had to fold up the stroller and stow it in the trunk. By the time I had the car all loaded, I was drenched. And yet, that sense of accomplishment from "doing it myself" overrode the fact that it was an hour past dinnertime, the boys were cranky, and I looked like I had fallen into a lake.
Ahh... I was soaking it in.

I have also had my first solo venture to the park. And it was a soaring success. The boys were happy, cooperative, and the model of perfect-park behavior. I was proud. Not only of the boys, but of my ability to let go just enough. Going to the park with the two of them alone is daunting for a variety of reasons. The first two, of course, are safety related. Naturally the boys go in two opposing directions at the park, so I can't possibly be there to catch them should they fall. And it also means that my eyes can't be on them at the same time, which brings about stranger danger fears. And the last reason it's tough is that they may be doing something adorable, or accomplishing some feat, and no one may be witnessing it. I may be with Jack going down the slide, while Logan is jumping off the steps all.by.himself. That's where the letting go kicks in. And I did it!
So as the boys attempt to spread their wings and do more by themselves, I promise to cheer them on, because I know how good it feels to do it "myself."