1.25.2012

Answered Prayer

My prayer January 5, 2011
Lord,       
I come to you brokenhearted.  I am so discouraged.  I am so sad.  I am so disappointed. In myself and in our situation.  I want to be excited to be pregnant. I want to be strong and be okay with working, but I am not strong and I am not okay with working.
I am stressed, and tired, and sick.  I just feel like crying. I am so lost. I'm not myself.  And I am trying to listen, to see where you are leading me, but I can't hear you.  I am really profoundly lost.  Only my boys really bring me joy.
I am losing time. They are two and a half.  In six months I will have another baby and they will be three. I will have missed out on three entire years of being home with them. I don't have the strength to leave them anymore.  It kills me.  This is not how I envisioned my life.  This is not how I want to raise my children.
So I look to you for an answer. I feel pressure to provide for them, even if it barely covers the bills.  I am so torn. I want to do the responsible thing, but I am also desperate to be home with them- at nearly any cost.
Please provide direction and a clear answer in my heart.  Fill me with confidence in my decision, and Lord please mend my tender heart.
I love those boys. 
I miss 'em.


Help.

Amen


{I found this in my prayer journal as I perused it today.  
How inspiring that a year later my life is so completely different. 
And wonderful.}

3 comments:

Roxanne Tucker said...

Goosebumps.

Anonymous said...

God and his all his mighty, amen. God is good. Such a great thing to write your prayers, able to look back and truly believe that God is there for you.

Emily Vester said...

I felt that one.