My prayer January 5, 2011
Lord, I come to you brokenhearted. I am so discouraged. I am so sad. I am so disappointed. In myself and in our situation. I want to be excited to be pregnant. I want to be strong and be okay with working, but I am not strong and I am not okay with working.
I am stressed, and tired, and sick. I just feel like crying. I am so lost. I'm not myself. And I am trying to listen, to see where you are leading me, but I can't hear you. I am really profoundly lost. Only my boys really bring me joy.
I am losing time. They are two and a half. In six months I will have another baby and they will be three. I will have missed out on three entire years of being home with them. I don't have the strength to leave them anymore. It kills me. This is not how I envisioned my life. This is not how I want to raise my children.
So I look to you for an answer. I feel pressure to provide for them, even if it barely covers the bills. I am so torn. I want to do the responsible thing, but I am also desperate to be home with them- at nearly any cost.
Please provide direction and a clear answer in my heart. Fill me with confidence in my decision, and Lord please mend my tender heart.
I love those boys.
I miss 'em.
Help.
Amen
{I found this in my prayer journal as I perused it today.
How inspiring that a year later my life is so completely different.
And wonderful.}
3 comments:
Goosebumps.
God and his all his mighty, amen. God is good. Such a great thing to write your prayers, able to look back and truly believe that God is there for you.
I felt that one.
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