Motherhood: in the trenches

{Saying goodbye to Josh in the ERA terminal in Anchorage :: October 2011}
Today was one of those days.
I haven't had one in a long time.

It was an "in the trenches of Motherhood" day...

After going to bed after eleven (bad parenting choice!) I woke up at 5:00 with the baby, rocked him back to sleep and had just fallen into a deep sleep myself when Logan & Jack stampeded down the hall into our bedroom to tell us the light was green.  I woke up from a dream where we lived in our old duplex in the ghetto again and felt groggy and disoriented.

The kids were super challenging from the get-go.  Fighting and whining and tattling.  They are all coming down with a cold, so their tolerance for each other is worse than usual, and we were all a bit sleep deprived.

I kept yelling, doling out consequences, and praying for it to be bedtime.  At 10 in the morning.

By 5:00pm, I was ready to be relieved of my parenting duties and called Josh to find out where he was.  By the time he walked in the door, I was nearly in tears.  The laundry, the dishes, the children... it was all overwhelming me.  He hugged me and asked what he could do to help.

We did dinner, got the kids down, and now I am typing up my first blog post on our brand new MacBook Pro laptop.  It's pretty fancy.  I like the clack of the keys.  And I am relieved to be getting rid of our desk top before it implodes!  We've had it for almost seven years, and it's time was up.

{Mommy & Baby visiting my old coworkers at Lincoln Elementary School :: May 2012}
The only fun thing about sorting through all the documents on that dinosaur was coming across pictures  I had never seen before of me and Wyatt.

I am hopeful that tomorrow will be better that today was.  If nothing else, I will sleep more tonight, so that should at least improve my attitude. And my patience.

We're on the countdown for home:
Twelve days and counting...  But time is passing agonizingly slow.

Meanwhile, I am studying my Alaska state drivers manual, reading Life Code by Dr. Phil (which is fascinating!) and rejoicing that the swimsuit I exchanged for a size smaller fits!

{Leah, Susan & Shelly :: May 2013}
Also, yesterday I threw a surprise party for my bestie here in Marshall, Susan.  She is staying on as a teacher with LYSD, but moving from Marshall to Mountain Village.  Leah and I are so sad to be losing her.

When I am having a long week, I look forward to girls night so much on Saturday nights.  I can laugh & vent & blow off steam, and they love me for who I am.  We have been each others' sanity and each others' family while we are out here, in the middle of nowhere.  That feeling of sisterhood is priceless, and I love these two girls beyond measure.

Next Saturday is our last girls night, and I imagine that along with an evening full of giggles, some tears will be shed as well. As much as we will miss Susan next year, Leah and I are desperately grateful that at least we will have each other. 

When life is getting me down, I am so thankful to have these two, as well as Krista (my fellow bush mama) out here with me.  They really get it.  

"Communication leads to community;
that is, to understanding, intimacy & mutual valuing."
-Rollo May

1 comment:

Marilynn Raatz said...

I'm sorry today was hard honey!
I am really happy for you about the Mac. And a laptop to boot!! YAY!
You three girls are so pretty. And if it wasn't for you, I'd have never known what a bush mama is! :)