Something I have been telling the kids as I have embarked on my peaceful parenting journey is that we all make mistakes... They are still good kids and I am still a good mom, even if we screw up. If you ask my boys what it means when you make a mistake, they will tell you "It means you get to try again."
That's it. Saying this multiple times a day, as I do, helps the kids feel better about themselves, but also makes me feel better about myself. It's so true. Yelling, losing my temper, prioritizing wrong... It all just means I get to try again. I get to try to do better the next time.
The idea of a fresh start feels good.
Everyday as a clean slate is sort of beautiful to me.
***
In being a stay at home mom for over three years now, you would think things would cease to amaze me. Yet I find myself continually surprised. For instance, why is the bathtub the kids' favorite place to play during the day? The twins love to climb in the tub, with backpacks full of toys, and sit, fully clothed, on the cold porcelin and pretend it's their hideout.
When I wasn't paying attention last month, they tried to use straws in their yogurt.
And I am constantly surprised that when I get on the phone they are suddenly loud.
But probably what gets me the most is what comes out of their mouths. Wyatt's been potty training, and the first time he pooped for Josh on the toilet he stood up, looked at it and said to Josh, "It kind of looks like a banana, doesn't it dad?"
And the other night at bedtime Logan said he was not going to die soon because he doesn't smoke and he never will smoke. I said that was a good choice. Then he said, "Well, does Dallas want to die? Because he smokes and he should stop. I think when we get to Vancouver I will tell him, Do you want to die? Is that what you want? Because Papa's friend died because of smoking getting into his back and the lady on TV talks funny and has a hole in her throat because she smoked. And then I think he will quit."
Today at lunch the three of them were talking and decided that when they grow up they are going to buy a house together and share it. It was so sweet, and surprising, to hear them talk about never wanting to be apart. (Especially after an entire morning spent fighting over Lego pieces!)
I am also surprised that at bedtime, despite having spent over twelve hours with me, they still desire to sit on my lap, have me read their stories and give them kisses as I tuck them in. I love that.
I am surprised that I still hate leaving them. I rarely do, obviously, but when I have to go to the clinic on my own or I choose to go to Leah's before they're in bed on Saturday night, I don't ever feel good about it. I prefer it when we're together.
I am surprised how exhausting it can be. And how rewarding.
I am also surprised how fast time is going. Can it really be that Wyatt's about to turn three? Can it really be that it's been over six years since I found out I was carrying twins?
"Sometimes the most shocking surprises
are also the most beautiful surprises."
-Lori Wilhite
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