Summer Fun: Bike carwash

Motherhood: in the trenches

{Saying goodbye to Josh in the ERA terminal in Anchorage :: October 2011}

Today was one of those days.

I haven't had one in a long time.

It was an "in the trenches of Motherhood" day...

After going to bed after eleven (bad parenting choice!) I woke up at 5:00 with the baby, rocked him back to sleep and had just fallen into a deep sleep myself when Logan & Jack stampeded down the hall into our bedroom to tell us the light was green.  I woke up from a dream where we lived in our old duplex in the ghetto again and felt groggy and disoriented.

The kids were super challenging from the get-go.  Fighting and whining and tattling.  They are all coming down with a cold, so their tolerance for each other is worse than usual, and we were all a bit sleep deprived.

I kept yelling, doling out consequences, and praying for it to be bedtime.  At 10 in the morning.

By 5:00pm, I was ready to be relieved of my parenting duties and called Josh to find out where he was.  By the time he walked in the door, I was nearly in tears.  The laundry, the dishes, the children... it was all overwhelming me.  He hugged me and asked what he could do to help.

We did dinner, got the kids down, and now I am typing up my first blog post on our brand new MacBook Pro laptop.  It's pretty fancy.  I like the clack of the keys.  And I am relieved to be getting rid of our desk top before it implodes!  We've had it for almost seven years, and it's time was up.

{Mommy & Baby visiting my old coworkers at Lincoln Elementary School :: May 2012}

The only fun thing about sorting through all the documents on that dinosaur was coming across pictures  I had never seen before of me and Wyatt.

I am hopeful that tomorrow will be better that today was.  If nothing else, I will sleep more tonight, so that should at least improve my attitude. And my patience.

We're on the countdown for home:

Twelve days and counting...  But time is passing agonizingly slow.

Meanwhile, I am studying my Alaska state drivers manual, reading Life Code by Dr. Phil (which is fascinating!) and rejoicing that the swimsuit I exchanged for a size smaller fits!

{Leah, Susan & Shelly :: May 2013}

Also, yesterday I threw a surprise party for my bestie here in Marshall, Susan.  She is staying on as a teacher with LYSD, but moving from Marshall to Mountain Village.  Leah and I are so sad to be losing her.

When I am having a long week, I look forward to girls night so much on Saturday nights.  I can laugh & vent & blow off steam, and they love me for who I am.  We have been each others' sanity and each others' family while we are out here, in the middle of nowhere.  That feeling of sisterhood is priceless, and I love these two girls beyond measure.

Next Saturday is our last girls night, and I imagine that along with an evening full of giggles, some tears will be shed as well. As much as we will miss Susan next year, Leah and I are desperately grateful that at least we will have each other. 

When life is getting me down, I am so thankful to have these two, as well as Krista (my fellow bush mama) out here with me.  They really get it.  

"Communication leads to community;

that is, to understanding, intimacy & mutual valuing."

-Rollo May

Summer Fun: Nanny's house

{Logan, Wyatt, Nanny, Milo, Ferris & Jack}

birthdays approaching... how can it be?

 Each year as May rolls around I find myself in disbelief that yet another year has passed, 

and another set of birthdays is imminent.  

I still remember, clearly, the conversation Josh and I had when we decided we'd "try" for a baby.  (We got pregnant that month!)  He was casual, but sure, telling me that trying would be fine so long as I didn't mind working while he finished his teaching degree.  

{Logan Henry :: June 6, 2008 :: 2:54pm :: 4lbs.6oz.}

I still remember, clearly, the day of our ultrasound, me laying on the table, telling the ultrasound tech that  we didn't want to know what it was unless it was twins, and laughing out loud when she told us that it was indeed twins.

{Jack Sawyer :: June 6, 2008 :: 2:55pm :: 6lbs.13oz.}

I still remember, clearly, the day we brought them home and stood in a sea of baby paraphanelia looking at each other like, "What have we done?"

{Wyatt Nathanial :: June 15, 2011 :: 9:39pm :: 8lbs.14oz.}

I still remember, clearly, the morning I slid my cold feet under the sheets and whispered to Josh that we were pregnant again.

And I remember, clearly, the four days we spent in the hospital, a family of three for the first time, enjoying our "babymoon" with Wyatt before we went home & his brothers rejoined us, and we officially became five.

There's not a day that passes that I don't thank God for my healthy children, our loving relationship and this beautiful family we have created.

Here's to June;

big boys turning five;

and little boys turning two.

Cheers!

laundry... life... the future...

You know when you're young and you cast judgment about, well, everything because you are sixteen and know all there is to know about the world?

Well, let me tell you, those days will come back to bite you.

This morning I walked down the stairs to see this:

I will tell you, I was never going to be that mother.  I would baby-sit for women whose couches were buried in loads of laundry, growing more wrinkled by the day, and I would walk in, silently vowing to myself that I would do better.

Fast forward 14 years and here I am, at thirty, with a couch covered in laundry.  Yesterday was a long day. I am worried about the lump on my face, which is growing larger. I am worried about the boys who seem to be coming down with yet another cold. I am worried about travel, getting things done in time, and the last crazy push for Josh to get the yearbook done, which requires some insane hours the last few days of school to get it printed.

So when Krista wanted to go for a walk last night once the kids were down, I glanced at that pile, pulled on my boots, sloshed through the mud (I haven't told you about the mud here... Oh the mud! It's thick and oozy and awful, and if it's cold, it's dangerous because it can become mud-ice... Awful stuff!) and we went and walked a million laps around the gym.  

When I came home, I looked at the pile again (just to be sure it hadn't up and folded itself), sighed, and went upstairs for bed.  I had a fitful nights' sleep. I am feeling anxious about everything lately, and it's exhausting.  I am apparently so desperate that I dreamed I ran into Dr. Phil.  He yelled at me for not finishing the book of his I ordered.  Ha!

Before I knew it, it was morning again, and there was the laundry.  Finally after my shower I folded it. But now it sits at the bottom of the stairs, needing me to heft it up the 16 steps and place it all in its rightful drawers, in its respective rooms.  Did I mention I did four loads of our laundry yesterday? And I'm doing towels today?

It never ends. Perhaps this is what makes a big transition (like, say, going home for three months this summer) so overwhelming. My everyday is busy enough- disciplining, cooking, cleaning... Add to that the massive to-do list I have for our travels, and you've got one BUSY mama.  Plus, I can't actually do a lot of it yet. Most of it has to be done the day or two before we leave. It's like knowing, no matter what I do, or how I time it, I'm going to be stuck in traffic for two hours. I'm going to end up jammed up with not a second to spare, no matter how much planning I do ahead of time.

---

In other news, I have had a lot of people ask me about our plans.  

So I will clarify:

We are going "home" to Vancouver, Washington for the summer.

We will leave Marshall, Alaska

(which, I also call "home", which makes things more confusing, I know) 

Saturday May 18th.

We will be in Washington through July 31st, 

then spend a few days in Montana for Josh's masters program, 

then race back (AKA road trip home with three small children from Montana), 

hop on a plane at PDX a day later, 

arrive in Anchorage, depart for Bethel, 

and finally go back to Marshall for what will be our third year.

Josh's masters program will take eleven months to complete (August 2013-June 2014)

and when he's done he will have the ability to hold many different positions

within a school district, but the most obvious will be principal.

Our "long term" plan is to complete at least five years in Marshall, maybe more, and then to move on to perhaps a larger metropolis in Alaska, as Josh would like to retire from Alaska.  Their retirement plan is so awesome you only have to work twenty years!  He could retire at 48 from education, and move on to do something completely different if he wanted.

---

  Of course, that said, you never really know what the future holds, and we are open to many different options... but for now that's the plan.

"Happy is the person who knows 

what to remember of the past,

what to enjoy in the present,

and what to plan for the future."

-Arnold Glasow

Summer Fun: The Oregon Zoo

Before this summer begins, I'd like to get all the adventures of last summer blogged.  So I am doing a Summer Fun series, full of sunshine and happy memories. 

Enjoy!

This is my favorite picture of my BFF Julie and me.

I knew we'd need something to remind us of each other so we could survive nine months apart.

Now we've almost done it... Less than three weeks and we'll {finally!} be reunited!

I can't wait for more memories like this with our six boys!