Around Here: Week 47 2024

 {November 17-23rd}

Oops!
Quartz countertop vs. ceramic mug

A birthday letter for "Aunt Shally" from Daphne. 
I cannot even.

My three guys

Spending... Sunday doing chores, cleaning house, making sourdough and (!) decorating for Christmas!

Delighting... in Carly's joy over every little thing about Christmas. She was SO happy to decorate for Christmas, to get out her Christmas books and to be reunited with all her favorite Christmas tree ornaments. 

Living... with football on in the background.  It's the soundtrack of our life during this time of year and it honestly comforts me. 

Reading... Granted with Carly (it's the cutest book about a new fairy who grants wishes); All The Quiet Places which was a hard, sad, but really good read about life as a Native American off the reservation; From Here to the Great Unknown by Lisa Marie Presley which was so sad and disturbing and deeply moving; and finally starting A Wild and Heavenly Place by Robin Oliviera, who also wrote one of my favorite books- My Name is Mary Sutter. It feels so good to be reading again. And (!) I hit my Goodreads reading goal for 2024! Fifty books!!!

Accepting... my new son-in-law whose name is "Wimple" and who is a set of teeth Carly got in her dental play set. This girl's imagination is so fantastic. She has married Wimple, who has a British accent and she always makes sure he is with us for bedtime stories. Haha! 

Jealous... of how much Hadley loves all the men in our household. As soon as Josh or the twins sit down, she is snuggling herself among their feet or on their ankles. I am so crazy jealous she doesn't lay with me more often. I teased the boys I need my feet to stink more so she'll like me too. 

Celebrating... my forty-second birthday on a Monday (why is Monday the worst day for a birthday? I don't know, but I can assure you it is!) and keeping Jack home with me. He just couldn't get up and go that day. To celebrate, I opened two gifts I had ordered for myself but set aside for the day: a new cozy tree & cabin mug from Natural Life and a dress from Adore Me.  The mug matches the rainbow mug I also have from Natural Life, and the dress fits perfect and will be a great dress to wear in winter. 

Surprised... when Josh took a half day on my birthday so that we could leave early to head to Wenatchee to celebrate my birthday with dinner & a cake with my mom, dad and sister's family. It was so sweet and unexpected! Thanks babe!

Beloved... and so spoiled at my party! Josh got me flowers, I got myself a puzzle, Josh got me a Crumbl cookie, Carly decorated the house with a banner & balloons and got me candy last time we were at the store together.  My mom and dad got me a cat toy the kittens will love, a Nutcracker sweatshirt, a book stamp that stamps the page like a notary (so cool!), a diamond dot, a salad bowl and the most thoughtful card! She also set out my baby items and baby photo album which was so fun to thumb through. My sister got me a spa kit, make up, lip gloss and lotion, and my brother blew me away with the most beautiful and thoughtful birthstone necklace. It is stunning. Later in the week Josh's sister Julie stopped by with a beautiful book mug that feels so good in my hand (if you know, you know) and the sweetest Anne of Green Gables book set.

Bummed... that Jack had a really hard Tuesday with lots of appointments. We got him set up with a new counselor at Renew, a place where he can have long term counseling. At our clinic you only get 4-6 meetings with your counselor as it's just temporary. We also saw his doctor and increased his meds and made a plan for the future if this dose doesn't work out. He's currently at 40mg, but if he's not feeling better by December 1st, I can bump him to 60mg with just a phone call. So that feels hopeful and like I have a plan moving forward which I haven't really  had up to this point. While he ups his meds for the next two weeks, he can't drive, which is really hard for him.  After having his freedom, to lose it like this feels really terrible. But I keep reminding him it's to keep him safe; it's worth it; and it's just 14 days. 
I can't remember if I shared this before, but the reason for this is that anti-depressants have a tendency to increase energy before they increase mood. So you might suddenly have the energy to carry out your suicidal plans while your mood is still low. So to account for this risk, we make sure he's not alone for two weeks and doesn't drive for two weeks.

Breaking... down when I dropped Carly off late at school and the secretary asked, "Need a minute?" Her kindness and sensing exactly what I needed as a very downtrodden Jack waited for me in the car was enough to make tears prick my eyes and I was able to tell both secretaries and the principal why I have had to cancel so many sub jobs lately and why Carly was late some days.  I told them that Jack has been suicidal and that we're navigating it the best we can, but we are really out of our depth. They assured me that it was sooo good he was talking to me, and Abby offered to come and give me hug. "I give great hugs" she said as she made her way over to me. I can assure you she does give great hugs and I just sobbed as she held me. People in this world are so good, and I'm so grateful to know so many of them. They were all completely understanding and said that I was exactly where I was supposed to be, taking care of my family, and to reach out if I needed anything. It meant so much and took a huge weight off my chest as I had been feeling so bad about canceling jobs on days when Jack couldn't make it into school. 

Making... my returns at UPS. Why does this always make me feel like I deserve a trophy?

Feeling... better emotionally and working hard to get shit done. It feels nice to be myself a little more than I have been lately. What a relief!

Paying... so much every month for car insurance for the four of us. Josh and I have comprehensive/full coverage on our cars, but the twins only have liability, and it's still $632 per month! Ouch!!

Buying... one special item for Christmas each year to add to my decoration collection. I read this somewhere and it helped me feel less overwhelmed when I see the amazing displays in stores. I just choose one thing that is my favorite and purchase that, knowing I'll cherish it for years to come. My two most recent favs are the gold trees I got at a boutique shop here in town last year and the year before. 

Thankful... that Josh is able to stay at home until the boys (mainly Jack) leave for school in the mornings because battling that out on my own is utterly exhausting. Plus I am not as persuasive as their dad is. 

Noticing... that Carly has been extra emotional and has been needing more snuggles. I imagine it's because she's picking up on all the things that are going on around here. She's such a sensitive little spirit. 

Applications... all around as the twins are applying for jobs at Arby's, Papa Murphey's, Dollar Tree, etc.

Teasing... Carly relentlessly about how she made an alphabet gratitude book (with the ENTIRE alphabet) and not one letter was about how she's grateful for her mother. For H she put Hadley (our cat) so for M she put Maggie (our other cat) and she didn't think of it for other letters. But you better bet her dad and three brothers were all in her gratitude book. Stinker!

Finishing & ordering... our Christmas cards. My sister snapped a pic of our family on the couch in my parents' living room at my birthday and then she put it in some AI generator and made different backgrounds for me. They're going to be great! I shopped with Walmart this year, not Shutterfly because we don't have the money for Shutterfly. So I hope they turn out good!

Dealing... with rain and rain and rain! I'm ready for blue skies or snow! Enough of this wet!

Catching... up my journal and feeling SO behind on the blog. It's like I can't find a minute to slow down and catch it up! Maybe during Thanksgiving break I can get somewhere!

Frustrated... with Logan who accidentally hit a girls' car in the parking lot where he'd been shopping. It was the girl he was shopping with! Oh man, these teenagers are going to be the death of me, I tell you!

Dealing... with adult shit that is private and HARD. It's so true what they say, that we all have our silent struggles or stories that aren't ours to share. For someone like me, who is such an open book, it's really hard to battle alone. 

Attending... Carly's school assembly where she got an award for being such a great leader and example, and then afterwards we went out to ice cream, Baskin & Robbins, her favorite! 

Deciding... to start a 504 for Jack who is still struggling to get to school, to stay at school, and to attend certain classes.  

Snuggling... Piper as a way to deal with my stress and lower my cortisol. It's crazy  how much it works. She is warm and calm and always leaves me feeling better than when I joined her for a couch snuggle. So grateful for our pets. 

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Little Shelly:

My grandparents

My brother Dalton

Around Here: Week 46 2024

 {November 10-16th}

Letting... the twins sleepover in Wenatchee, which they were happy to do. Some cousin time was much needed. When they got home we cleaned house and prepped for the week making a dinner menu and cooking egg muffins for the guys to munch on when they're hungry.

Enjoying... the long weekend thanks to Veterans Day.  It just felt like we had time for everything- to relax and do chores and errands. 

Grateful... that Josh went grocery shopping for me. With my depression getting in the shower/getting ready for the day is really hard, as is making decisions, so I was so thankful he went. 

Reading... (finally!) Here One Moment, and finishing it. It was a good book, with an interesting premise, but wasn't my favorite read. It had a sad aura and I didn't love that. I also listened to Small Things Like These, which a lot of people rave about, but which I just liked okay. And then I read more than half of Uniquely Human, which is this months' book club pick. It's about autism and was such a good read. 

Celebrating... that Jack attended school all week again. Even though it was only four half days, I was so happy he did it!

Keeping... Carly home all week with a cough that was nasty! The poor girl. We tried to make the best of it, playing, coloring, reading and snuggling. I know how fast time goes from third grade to eleventh grade, so I find myself cherishing even the most mundane things with her. 

Meeting... with a new counselor on Dr. on Demand after firing the last one for "diagnosing" Jack with bipolar despite having never met him, among other things. My new counselor seems great!  I really like her and with how heavy life has been lately, I need a place to vent.

Attending... book club at Emilee's and discussing both life and the book.  It was so nice to visit with her and Jessica. Something about sharing our hard things makes carrying feel like it weighs less. I am so grateful for them.

Creating... a scale for Jack's depression so I can know immediately with one question how he is doing. 

The scale is as follows:

Great > Good > Fine > Bad > "I don't want to be here" > Suicidal ("I want to kill myself")

Most days he is bad, leaning towards "I don't want to be here", so our goal is to get him to fine, or maybe even good.  But knowing if he is suicidal helps so we don't leave him alone or let him drive. It's a lot, but this scale has helped simplify it.

Thinking... a lot about bedtime routines and wishing I could peek in all your windows to see what it looks like at your house.  For Carly we usually start bedtime after dinner. She sometimes has a bath or shower and other nights we just read together. She brushes her teeth and takes melatonin, then we move to her bedroom where I tuck her in, turn on her fan (for white noise) play music from her bedtime playlist and sing to her. Almost every night after I sing two or three songs, when I try to leave she says, "Don't leave me! Stay and snuggle me!" in a pretend dramatic way. Sometimes I'll stay for one more song and other times I hug her tight and tell her goodnight and that I'll check on her later. She's always asleep. 
The boys stay up until 9:00pm when we take their phones, put them in the box (an old gun safe we have) and then they can stay up until 10:00pm watching a show in bed.  When we take their phones, I go room to room and tuck them in, making sure they don't need anything and scratching their backs if they ask. 
Especially now that we know they all four likely have ADHD and know that Jack's depression is highly impacted by sleep, bedtime seems more important than ever. 
They are all awake between 6:00 and 6:30 in the morning. 

Practicing... my patience as Carly spilled milk 4x this week. Sigh. It started with her dropping a new gallon of milk while bringing in the groceries. Thankfully I was able to salvage most of it in a pitcher, but it still made a huge mess on the floor that had to be cleaned and then mopped. Then after that, she spilled a cup of milk every day for three days. This girl needs to slow down!!

Looking... for a job for myself and the twins. Everything is so damn expensive these days- trying to survive on one income isn't cutting it. I am so grateful for Josh, for his hard work and for shouldering our financial lives for so long, but now that I know I won't be getting a teaching position, I need to move on and find something that can help us support these four kids and our household. The twins getting jobs would also help as they could chip in for gas and car insurance! 

Loving... how much Carly loves the rain. I grew up on the west side, in Vancouver, and I have experienced enough rain to last a lifetime, but to this girl who grew up in the dessert where the sun shines 300+ days a year, the rain is a fun anomaly.  Our old small umbrella broke, so I ordered her a new one with clouds on it and she absolutely loves it! 

Buying... Carly a set of red solo cups for stacking and being surprised at how much she and her brothers actually play with them. Such a cheap source of entertainment!

Digging... the old kitchen food & toys out of the shed for the week while she was home sick. It was like I bought her an entire aisle's worth of brand new toys. She had so much fun! She had kind of outgrown them, so we moved the kitchen and accessories into the shed to save for my *someday* kindergarten classroom.  Now I'm so glad we did because those toys were exactly what we needed to get through five days of sickness, poor girl!

Sending... the twins off to ride their dirt bikes in the sand dunes with all of their friends. I am so grateful that they have this hobby and that Josh encouraged me to get on board because it's a great way for them to spend time outside being adrenaline junkies without having to be crazy drivers in their cars. Win/win!

Quitting... topiratmate (which I was taking for migraines) when I noticed that I was losing hair and having horrible stomach pain. I had to taper very slowly, but once I was off all the way, I immediately noticed a difference.

Laying... in Carly's bed tent to chat with my mom about everything and feeling pretty darn cozy in there. Haha!

Hosting... a get together for the Logan Paul/Mike Tyson fight.  Josh's brother and his girlfriend came over along with his nephew and his girlfriend, and our boys. Josh made pizza and Carly and I took our pizza upstairs to watch Anne with an E because I didn't want her to watch the fight. So we had a girls party upstairs with Carly's American Girl dolls. She named them Lucey, Isabelle, Maybelle and Sammy. I love hearing what names she comes up with. 

Giving... Carly a bath on Saturday night and letting her snuggle into our bed to lay with my heating blanket since she was cold and loves to be cozy. I read our chapter book, Granted, to her and before I knew it, she had fallen asleep. She looked so much like her dad and grandpa when she fell asleep, it squeezed my heart. Josh always falls asleep with his fingers linked across his chest like that, and so did his dad. It felt like a little hello from the other side. Hi Carl. We miss you so badly.

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