happiness

I.am.home.

Everyday I wake up and think, "I am home. I get to be home. My dream came true!" 

And everyday it feels surreal.

I am finding such joy in all I do.  Last weekend Josh walked into the kitchen to find me with a package of baby wipes, on my hands and knees, cleaning the back door.  The boys high chairs used to be in front of it, and there were milk stains from two years ago. Before, every time I would walk by it, I would think, "Someone should clean that," but I never did. I didn't have time to worry about the stains on the back door when I was so busy trying to get the whole family out the front door every morning.

Now I have that luxury.

I also cleaned the bathroom last weekend.

For the first time in nearly three years.

And I am NOT exaggerating.

Josh took over cleaning the bathroom from the time I was about six months pregnant with the twins until the weekend before last.  Typing it somehow makes it even more remarkable.  He is amazing.

But I found, as I was scrubbing the tiles with an old toothbrush, that I missed this.  I missed having pride of ownership, shining something and making it look like new. I missed having standards of cleanliness and working hard to meet them.

I told Josh yesterday that I feel like my happiness is evident in my face. My eyes look less tired, my cheeks are rosier and my lips are often curved up in a smile.  It feels so good to be this girl again. To be sunshiny and optimistic. 

I turn on my Ipod all the time.  Find a happy tune to hum as I do the dishes or laundry or million other things that require my attention now that I am at home.  

But I also find that I am better able to let things sit, undone, for a while to enjoy a moment with my boys.  Because I know that not doing the dishes right now won't hurt anything. I can do them in an hour, or a day. I am moving at a much slower pace. I don't have a deadline each night of having A, B and C done so we can start the next day without chaos. 

Our mornings are slower...  My nap time break has been such an incredible luxury...  Afternoons we have a snack & snuggle up watching a movie, awaiting Daddy's return from work...  It's just so peaceful & beautiful. 

I am so happy.