One Week Old

Wyatt is one week old today. I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. Somehow it's even faster than it was with the twins.  I find myself calling them that lately, "the twins." 

"Josh is with the twins" or "When we had the twins..." because when I say "the boys" it includes Wyatt.  I never used to call them "the twins", so it's a funny change.

Logan & Jack are adjusting to being big brothers beautifully.  They adore Wyatt. As soon as I wake up and come out of my bedroom they are asking, "Where's Wyatt? Can I hold Wyatt? Is Wyatt hungry?"  Same thing when they get home from being gone.  They have to find out where he is, put on "hanitizer" (translation: hand sanitizer) and hold him, even if only briefly.

Their adjustment to mommy & daddy being home and back in charge has been less smooth.  There has been numerous timeouts, even more warnings and a lot of firstandmiddlename yelling. You parents know what I'm talking about!

 They are testing every rule, challenging each demand, questioning every request.  It has been super trying for us. But if I had to choose a difficult adjustment, I am glad the trouble is with discipline, not with love & acceptance for their new little brother.

I miss them.  I miss waking up with them in the morning, snuggling on the couch, making them breakfast... Giving them baths, rubbing on the Johnson & Johnson's baby lotion, putting on their cozy jammies, holding them in my lap as I read them a story...

Granted, I still get to be around for all that stuff, but I don't get to do it myself. 

When they cry I want to scoop them up. When they tantrum, I want to grab their little hands and send them off into their room.  When they ask to play, I want to jump right in and do it.

But I don't want to injure myself. I have to take it easy just a few days more.  And while waiting is painful, I have an amazing partner who is filling in while I'm out.

Josh has been everything to all of us the last few days.  He has been cook, maid, caretaker, father, mother & my own personal shoulder to cry on.

Taking care of the boys 24/7 has been especially taxing.  Their lack of listening, busy nature & constant talking/question asking is exhausting. Especially if you are going on very little sleep & going it alone.

I had him hold Wyatt this morning so I could do my hair and when I came out of the bathroom, this is what I found.  Poor, tired daddy.  I am so grateful for him.

And this little man, the newest boy in my life, is truly my sunshine.  He is such an easygoing, sweet natured baby.  He eats like a champ- we're breastfeeding and it's going swimmingly! And at night he sleeps for two four hour stretches.  It's so awesome.  

He makes the sweetest cooing noises while he nurses and only cries when we change his diaper.  I am loving having a singleton this time. I only have to change one diaper, not two. Feed one baby, not two. And I can just hold Wyatt forever without having to split my time or worry about the other baby being neglected.  Another bonus? The teeny-tiny diaper bag I can carry since there is only one!!!

While adjusting to parenting Wyatt has been very easy, and loving him came naturally, my emotions have been all over the map since his birth.  I remember being the same way after Logan & Jack were born, which provides some comfort.  But this time, there is so much more on my plate.

 I alternate between feeling so incredibly blessed- I have three beautiful, healthy sons whom I was able to carry to term and bring home from the hospital with me- to feeling so incredibly sad- Josh is going to leave in six and a half weeks for Marshall, Alaska and I am going to have the awesome job of raising our three boys myself and oh, how I will miss him, ache for him, everyday...

I am an emotional roller coaster.  Some days I cry seven times, other days it's just once or twice.

I am trying to feel the feelings as they come, let them wash over me, and then be done with them.  As my mom says, it's important not to let tomorrow's troubles steal today's joy.  I am working on that.

I also found for myself a verse that I am clinging to in moments of desperation.  

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a good future." -Jeremiah 29:11

When I think of doing this whole parenting gig without Josh, when I think of missing him, seeing our boys miss him, I can really get to feeling low.  When I think of the boys and I moving to Marshall, Alaska in December to join him, I can get to feeling pretty panicked.  I worry about the weather, being stuck in our house for months at a time, being away from family & our support system, and being enough for our boys.

That verse helps me remember that God's got it under control. He knows what he's doing.

After all, he got Wyatt here safely, and that was no small feat.

I was so sick in the beginning, then our house had that mold/standing water issue, then we all got the stomach flu, I was hospitalized for a headache, had a CT scan, had more colds & random illnesses than I have ever had in a six month period, and then finally I was healthy, but I was so dang pregnant that sleep was a long lost friend and I was just ready to be done.  

And there he came, pink, healthy & beautiful, into my life.

If God can manage that, I reckon He can manage anything.

Even Marshall, Alaska.

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Moving on... We gave Wyatt his first bath at home this week.  And he loved it. Just melted into the water like a little froggy. I was so proud.

I also need to give a shout out to all who have helped us in the last week. 

Starting with my mom.  She was amazing (amazing!!!) during my labor, took care of my boys for two days during my hospital stay, did some shopping for us and house keeping as well.  Thank you.

My sister, Roxanne, for watching the boys for two nights, buying some new outfits for our big boy Wyatt, providing a delicious dinner Tuesday night, and for taking the boys periodically so Josh can get a break.  You have been so thoughtful and we appreciate it.

To Josh's sister Julie for having the boys as often as we've needed, sleeping over with them a night while we were in the hospital, making us dinner and just being there for both of us whenever we need her. We love you.

 And to Peggy, Juli & Lisa for the dinners you provided as well. 

Yum-o!

We've been laying pretty low, Wyatt & I.  No visitors, just lots of couch snuggling, nursing, napping and resting. I am trying very hard to heal up right the first time and not overdo it.  Hard as it is, I know it will be worth it when I am healed enough to play with Logan & Jack and have a hand in the housework again.  

And honestly, I am enjoying getting to know Wyatt. I love holding him, cooing, in my arms as he sleeps.  I love touching his sweet soft cheeks, holding his tiny fingers in my hands and patting his back as he falls asleep on my chest.  He's such a little buddy. And I feel so lucky to be his mommy!

{Wyatt's entire birth story will be coming soon. Meanwhile, I will continue blogging where we're at currently!}