stay at home mom

{All bundled up to go see Daddy's classroom!}

 We worked so hard for this.  I waited two plus years to be a stay at home mom. And today, only ten days into our adventure, it still feels too good to be true.  I have a rash on my torso that I am pretty sure is cancer because life just can't be this good.

We sent Josh off to work on his first day after break a week ago yesterday.  He had made us pancakes for breakfast and we all sat together in the dark Alaska morning eating them.  After his shower, I jumped in.  On my way up the stairs he called after me, "I love you, Shell."  

And when he left for work Jack was melting down over having to eat gummy vitamins instead of his regular ones.  He ended up throwing them up all over his pants. I smiled & bid Josh adieu, assuring him we would be fine. He said he knew we would.

 When I walked Jack upstairs to change his clothes, I stopped by my room to check on the napping baby. I noticed then that Josh had made the bed for me. It made me ridiculously happy.

That morning the boys & I played soccer and train table.  I folded laundry & unpacked six totes.  Mostly kitchen & bathroom items.  It feels so good to be settling in here, in our home. I am taking my sweet time unpacking. Moving slow, grouping like items in the huge blue Rubbermaid bins (which we call totes) that we used to ship almost everything here.  Other boxes arrive looking like they were sent through a thrashing machine on their way up.  The totes are the only way to go.  And even then, things arrive broken.  The boys really enjoyed unpacking totes. Every bubble wrapped cup they unveiled received an excited exclamation of, "Look mom! A cup!"

{They were so happy to find their capes!}

Daddy comes home everyday at lunch. I cannot describe to you the cozy feeling of our family of five, seated casually around the table, eating corn dogs & cheese hot dogs, visiting as the sun struggles to rise and make a dent in the darkness.

And every afternoon, upon arriving home, Josh hugs me super tight in his arms, telling me how glad he is that we're finally all here.

It feels so good to have survived our first week up here. It was no small fete as I was wrong about Jack's illness on the Anchorage to Bethel flight - it was the flu. A nasty flu that lasted Sunday to Sunday.  Fever, vomiting, diarrhea. First Jack, then Logan. Thankfully the baby, Josh & I got by without it.  Was I ever worried. When the boys get the flu, they tend to get dehydrated, and with the hospital a plane ride away, I knew that letting them get dehydrated was going to cost me.  

 So I pushed fluids. I pushed fluids like I have never pushed fluids in my life. Josh even looked up a homemade Pedialyte recipe that Jack & I made in hopes that Logan would drink it and restore his electrolytes.  We weren't so lucky, as it tasted TERRIBLE, but we tried.  I was grateful I had thought to get some frozen apple juice concentrate in Anchorage & brought it home with us. So Logan drank his weight in apple juice in the last seven days. Every time either boy would ask me to do something I would say, "If you take a drink first." Finally Jack started saying, "Nevermind, mommy."  

Other than the flu, which sucked, but was manageable since I didn't get sick, I have been loving every minute of being here. Seriously. The transition has been so smooth & we are all so giddy to just be together, here, settling in. It feels like a dream.

{So proud of their fort!}

I have been trying to unpack a little each day- the boys "play room" which is downstairs was completely FULL of boxes awaiting my arrival. You can, at this point, almost see the floor.  Josh said he knew that I would want things done a certain way and stored in a certain place, so he just left it all for me to do.  I am so grateful because I have really enjoyed unpacking boxes and finding the treasures we sent up here so long ago.  Setting up our stockpile of everything (think soaps, medicine, toilet paper) in the linen closet was particularly satisfying as it feels good to see how much we have of things we will need in the months to come.  I can't wait to get done organizing, though, and start decorating. I can feel myself getting pulled in that direction, but won't allow myself to hang even one picture (except on the fridge!) until I am all done unpacking. And I really need to get the unpacking done because there are more boxes rolling in everyday.  We were still packing things when we left Carol's house last week. Anything we could live without we threw in a box and asked my parents to ship.

{Jack enjoys making what we call "Silly Sandwiches" with Ritz crackers}

 The boys are loving being reunited with all their toys and have transitioned really well.  They pretend-talk on their cell phones often to family members back home, and on Sunday afternoon they were able to actually Skype with Josh's family, which made them (and everyone at Carol's house) very happy.  They were just sad that Samuel wasn't there.

They are so helpful with the baby, and love having stairs. In their room they each have their own bedside table & lamp, which they think is so cool.  Jack's bed is what would have been the top bunk if we chose to do bunk beds, so it's pretty high off the floor and they love making a fort under there.

Wyatt is in a beautiful crib in our bedroom and we have a couch in there as well, which is so nice for nursing him at night since I don't really want him in bed with me anymore.

I think the hardest thing (besides their illness, obviously) was being unplugged for so many days.  No internet, no TV, no radio stations... It was bizarre. But it allowed me to really live in the moment and that was a blessing. To remember to slow down.  Now that I have internet, I only allow myself to check it once during the day while Josh is gone, usually during nap time, and then again when the boys are in bed.  I want to continue having a slower pace of life up here, and that pace is set by yours truly. If I want this experience to be different I have to make it different. And I am.

 

I feel so right about our choice to come here.  I sat Tuesday night around the dinner table with my family & imagined peeking through the window at us. How happy we must have looked, laughing & eating lasagna together.  Logan said, "We're eating together as a family!" And he must have hugged me and told me he loves me ten times.  I think back to the angry, raging boy he was just a few weeks ago, and my heart swells.  He's happy. I'm happy. We're all happy.  I have all I need right here.

 That first night we struggled to slow ourselves down.  We are so used to the frantic pace at which we used to live, that we were constantly pushing the boys to hurry, hurry, hurry! At bedtime Josh and I talked about how we need to slow it down.  That the pace, as I said before, is up to us.  The last few nights have been much better.  I am finding life to be all about the simple things.  Painting with the boys.  Washing the dishes with a sink full of warm soapy water.  Squishing my sweet, pudgy baby after he's woke up from a nap.

{Jack loves to help Wyatt boogie down- it's adorable!}

The boys are funny in Alaska. Maybe they were funny in Washington, too, but I was just too busy to notice.  The other night Logan kept saying, "I'm wearing the Buzz underwear, Jack," trying to get a rise out of him.  And finally, after the third time, Jack said, "Thanks for the update, Logan!"  I laughed so hard! Jack is very sarcastic.  A true Cunningham.

And once, while I was in the shower, Logan came up to tell me Jack took something away from him. I asked what it was he had been doing and he told me, "I was looking at pictures of when I was boring. And Grandma & Papa were holding me." He meant pictures of when he was born.

Only a week into my time here and already I am feeling like a true Alaskan.  I am getting more natural than I ever have.  No blow drying my hair (the static is ridiculous up here!), no make up, and certainly no curling iron.  They are all just sitting, unused, under the sink in my bathroom.  What I wear each day is not about a fashion statement, but about what will provide the warmth & comfort I will require during my activities.  Also, I had moose for dinner last week!  It was delicious and I can't wait to try my hand at cooking it myself.

As I was saying, Alaska has not only changed my looks, it has changed my diet.  There is no fast food up here, and nothing deep fried has passed these lips since we departed Anchorage.  In addition to the lack of restaurant options, soda is too expensive to have here at the house, so I am without that as well.  This change in diet, eating mostly homemade bread or a bowl of cereal, has produced a five pound weight loss in seven short days! I am ecstatic! I haven't been at this weight since before I got pregnant with Wyatt.

I have so much  more to write about, but the boys are awake, so this will have to do for today. I promise there will be more to come. Sooner than later.