boys will be boys

Yesterday I was thinking, as I washed dishes for the third time to the sound of three boys running rampant through the house, that being a mom to boys is unique.  Now, I say this having never had daughters, but from what I have heard (and seen) boys are different.

And my boys in particular are very much BOY.

Crashing, running, screaming, falling, yelling, playing, fighting, imagining.

Even Wyatt is in on the ruckus nowadays.  Chasing the twins when they run, stealing toys and making car noises when he holds Mater in his chubby little hand.

Being stuck indoors with three active little boys makes for some long, long days.

There are days when they play "running trucks" and I think I will lose my mind from the noise.

There are days when they play fight game, spin endlessly and cannot keep keep their ever living hands to themselves.

There are days when I do nothing but break up fights, scold for not sharing, and discipline for hitting.

Those are the days when I wonder how I will survive this. Those are the days when I know my self care matters the most. The journaling, the praying, the blogging, the exercising, the reaching out.  If I am centered (for lack of a better word) I am better able to deal with the annoying habits of my boys.  I am capable then of practicing patience, being understanding and tolerating the noise.

The noise alone, if you let it, could drive you batty.

Even when they are playing cooperatively, it is LOUD.

Sometimes, when it's my turn for a shower in the morning, I will go upstairs and just sit on my bed.  I will sit, basking in the silence of the house as they shovel Honey Nut Cheerios into their mouths at the kitchen table downstairs, knowing the house will not be this quiet again until they are in bed.  

There are, of course, also very sweet things about being a mother to boys.

Watching them caretake, seeing how they love their little brother, the spontaneous hugs I get.

Their bedtime kisses, their nightly prayers, their affection for each other.

Their independence, their sense of responsibility, their definition of right and wrong.

Those are the things that make the "boys will be boys" stuff worth tolerating.

As a mom of boys you have to know that everything, everything, you give them is going to turn into a weapon. 

Balloon? Weapon.  

Paper towel roll? Weapon.  

Bouncy ball? Weapon.

Empty Care Package boxes? Weapons.

It's just a fact.

I think that in reading my blog posts recently, you may have a distorted view of what I do all day.  You may think that I am never annoyed or irritated or driven crazy by my children.  That just isn't true.

It's the exhaustion at the end of a long day that drives me to contemplate new ideas about how I can better approach parenting, both for the boys' sake, and for mine.

Being a better parent means making sacrifices and compromises.

I struggle with that, but find that more often than not, it pays off.

Originally, I was totally going to be that mom. You know the one who hates guns and never lets her children play with them.  Then my husband took a job in rural Alaska where one person's job on field trips is to bring a gun and watch for bears. 

Seriously.

And so I have accepted the fact that my little boys will play with guns, know about guns and likely grow up using guns.  

They know that we have guns. They know that Josh used a gun to kill the moose he caught.  They know that guns are only for Daddy, and that our guns are locked up. 

In fact, when Logan got a Build-A-Bear puppy from my Aunt Linda he asked me who had shot it.  I had to explain that it's called a stuffed animal, but it didn't actually used to be alive.

And when we were at the beach and had seen a deer in the neighbor's yard, but it was gone the next morning, Jack told me someone probably shot it.

Guns are a fact of life out here. 

And something I have had to accept.

Another thing I have learned as the mother of little boys is to give them five, and it'll buy you ten. My mom always said that, and it is so true.  If I get out all the firefighters, then all of a sudden, they are interested in the firetruck that just ten seconds ago was "boring".

I have begun rotating toys, too, which helps keep their interest.  I will take all the dinosaurs upstairs to hide in their closet, then trade them out a few weeks later.  It's like they are new toys again. Works like a charm!

In addition to toy trading, I have to think outside the box for entertainment.  Josh's sister sent me the ingredients and recipe for this Goo and the boys LOVE it. They get to pick what color they want, and they love playing with it. I think because it has the consistency of snot, and well... they are boys!

We also play a lot of games.

We play Thomas The Train Uno, which is age appropriate for them.

We play Candy Land, which I think is meant to torture parents, and we play Chutes and Ladders, which is something beyond torture that they haven't created a name for yet.  You think someone is finally (for the love of everything holy) going to win, and then you end up going down another damn gosh darn slide, just to start the whole blessed game over again.

We play Cootie, which the boys enjoy, and which incorporates counting the dots on the die, which makes me happy to play. 

We have sticker books, play with pipe cleaners, do a lot of painting, and use both glitter & glue with wild abandon.

The boys love to play a painting game on  my Tablet, to read their Tag Readers (I cannot wait for Christmas so they can expand their Tag library!) and to do Play Doh.

Some days I let them take pictures to kill time or capture what they find intriguing.  We read books some afternoons, spread out on a blanket on the rug in the living room, and we also play balloon fight, as well as do beading and lacing activities to work on their fine motor skills.

Most days we have music on as background noise, and sometimes I let them pick which songs they want to hear and we have a Dance Party.  They love Dance Party and can really get the moves!

In addition to these somewhat normal activities, I have added a few that are perhaps not so common.  I let them slide their bubbas (stuffed animals) down the banister on the stairs, allow soccer in the house, and sometimes let them take showers for fun.

I let them play on my bed, sliding down the side of it, onto a pile of pillows, or play any number of make believe games.  They will play "Daycare", where they put all their bubbas night-night on my bed, complete with cozy blankets while the other twin pretends to "Go to work", complete with a "briefcase" (puzzle container).  Other days they tell me they are "Workers" as they use teamwork to heft their toolbox up the stairs so they can "fix" my bed.

Another favorite lately is hide & seek. They super love when Josh plays, but they will also play just the two of them, which warms my mommy heart.

In addition to playing on my bed, they sometimes play on their own beds.  There are no toys in their room, so playing in there is kind of special.  I will often build a fort in there, which they love.  They will put the nightlight on the wall their beds are up against, so it's only light in their fort. They will stay in there for hours sometimes.

 We also make cards for family about once a month.  They love choosing the card, picking stickers to go on it, and telling me what to write inside.

One brand new activity for them is drawing.  They have always liked to color, but now they want a blank piece of paper so they can draw whatever their heart desires. Yesterday Jack drew a picture of him, Logan & their cousin Gustav running through the sprinkler. It is so stinking cute. It has a sunshine, LOTS of grass and a red sprinkler.  He was so proud of it.  And today he drew a super tall person (a single line with a circle on top) and he goes, "Look mom, I drew Uncle Samuel. See how tall he is? Taller than Papa!"

I love this new stage!

In addition to all our million indoor activities, this year I have added Move N Groove videos.  They are super fun, interactive exercise videos for children. They are about twenty minutes long and are lead by a group of kids. In their favorite one the kids go to the park.  They "ride bikes", "throw frisbees" and "swing."  

It's a really neat set (I bought all three) and the boys enjoy getting their "ex-ter-size out." 

(They combined "working out" with "exercising", and now this is what they say. "Mom? Can we do Move N Groove? I need to get my ex-ter-size out.")

I love doing activities with the boys, and I am so relieved they enjoy the exercise video, but we do, honestly watch a lot of TV.  I wish it wasn't so, but it is. To survive being here, stuck indoors, with no one to give me a break, I will often turn on the TV so I can go to the bathroom in peace, have a conversation with Josh or make dinner when he's not here.

I also use the TV to keep them quiet while Wyatt naps.  He is still napping twice a day.  Moving him upstairs into the boys' room has helped a lot with the noise. (He used to have his crib in the playroom downstairs) But with hard wood floors, noise echoes through this place really bad, so I use television to keep them mellow.  In the morning we watch just an hour. Super Why and Dora.  Then in the afternoon I usually let them pick a movie.

I mentally justify the amount of TV by telling myself that the rest of the time they are involved in engaging activities, like preschool with me, or reading and playing games.

My kids have all been good nappers. The twins napped until their fourth birthday.  I think this is how I have made it this far.  I love Wyatt's nap time.  The baby sleeps, the twins plug in to the TV, and I can have a minute to myself to blog, to journal or to talk on the phone.

In addition to crafts and television, we entertain the kids by involving them in Saturday Social.  Saturday Social is an open gym time at the school for students who earned it the week prior.  Josh takes the twins every Saturday for about three hours.  They love it. They love to play with their friends, run in the gym, drink slushies and eat popcorn, and will sometimes even buy books at the Book Fair that's set up each week.  I think that time for them to be social and run about is really important.

I also try to have them talk on the phone to my mom, my sister & my Grandma Pansy.  They love to talk on the phone and share stories of what they've been up to. It makes me happy to hear them share their experiences.

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Another thing I have to write about in this "boys will be boys" post is their humor.  Most the time it's appropriate and fine, but sometimes they will get going on a poop or fart joke, and I just have to roll my eyes. If I let them know it bothers me, that does nothing but make the joke that much more hilarious.  And so I will let them make jokes about butts and throw up.  Because boys will be boys.

It's so much work to get them ready to go out, as I said before, but it is totally worth it.  Twenty minutes of gearing up for only twenty minutes outside might not seem like good math, but it is.  This weekend they went sledding with Josh, and that was the night Jack thanked God for letting him spend time with Daddy. They are different kids outside. They need to be out there. When the thermometer lifts above ten degrees, if the wind allows it, out we go.  Outside they are carefree, they get along, they stay occupied and they are WILD!  

The effort is definitely worth it when it makes them crash.  When they have used their daily allotment of energy and are ready for bed when the time comes.

It's not easy to let them be how they are. It's not easy for me to allow the mess, the noise.  It's not easy to allow the jokes, the fighting, the guns.  But sometimes that's what they need.

It's my job to allow them to be who they are. (Within reason.)  It's my job to let them run and learn and yell and play and argue and problem solve.  That's what childhood is all about.

When I say yes, when I enjoy the chaos, when I embrace their boy-ness, that's when I get the essence of who they are. That's when I am being the best mom I can be, the mom they need me to be.

And so my boys will be boys,

as long as I let them.