happiness, haircuts & helpers

 happiness

We are working on some financial matters right now. Getting ducks in a row... things of that sort. I will be sharing more about that later. But right now, it has been stressing me out hard core.

So I have been searching out even the tiniest things that bring me happiness.
One of those {big} things is this guy...

Since posting about not being his favorite, things have improved.  He asks "Up?" more often, with his hands lifted to me.  He will bring me books, "Read? Read please?" with those baby blues sparkling.  And at nap time he talks me through our routine. "Fan on.  Sit.  Taggie and binky.  Mama sing. Songs. Boat," as I turn on the fan, sit in the rocker, give him his taggie and binky and begin to sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat".  I adore that time each afternoon. The twins cozy downstairs watching an episode of The Magic School Bus, and Wyatt and I snuggled close together in the rocker, enjoying a lullaby.  

Only once I feel the full weight of him relaxed against me do I dare stand and place him  in his crib. Honestly, most days, I stay there rocking him long after he's drifted off to sleep. I will close my eyes and pray, there in my sanctuary, or I will study him... His long black eyelashes resting on his pink cheeks or his pudgy fingers gripping the ducky ribbon on his beloved taggie.  Everything about him, my baby, seems magical.

I mentioned in a previous post that we would be switching to two baths. One for the twins, and one for Wyatt, as our three boys were quickly outgrowing our tub.  I have been able to bathe Wyatt independently a handful of times since, and I have to say, I am so glad we made the switch.  He loves bath time, loves to play and splash and try to swim.  And I enjoy the slower pace that a bath of one allows.

My favorite time with Wyatt, aside from nap time, is the mornings.  We wake up, come downstairs and I turn on the lamp.  He looks at me, blinking rapidly and says, "Too bright" through the binky clinched in his sweet white teeth.  Then he will sit contentedly in my lap, rubbing the ribbons on his taggie and suck-suck-sucking away at his binky, his head laid back, relaxed, while we watch a cartoon or two with his brothers.  It is bliss.

This guy also brings me such happiness.  He has finally learned the entire alphabet, and the look in his eyes as he told me each letter this morning was priceless.  I love his love of learning.  I also love the big brother he has become in the last year and a half. He was made for this job.  He is sweet, patient and an amazing teacher.  He anticipates Wyatt's needs and never gets mad at him.  He will walk by and kiss him, or invite him to join whatever he's up to.  

Two weeks ago I started having "Special Time" with each of the boys each day.  Some days I forget, or run out of time, but the goal is to spend ten minutes with each boy everyday. During that time, they don't have to share me with their siblings or the household chores.  I am completely theirs. We tend to read or play games, like Candy Land.  Well, about two days after I started Special Time with them, Jack began Special Time with Wyatt, where he will take Wyatt in to the playroom, help him sit up on one of the bean bags, and will use his Tag Reader to read stories with Wyatt, who adores the Tag Readers.  That time is sacred to Jack, and he gets very upset if it's interrupted. 

This boy is also one of my smile makers. He will hug me spontaneously, or rub my back (a bit aggressively, usually) and ask, "Does this feel good, mom?"  He is smart and silly and passionate.  This passion can be positive or negative.  He loves puzzles, and this passion for puzzles gives him the focus he needs to finish them.  He also loves to play guys, and this passion for guys makes him a raging lunatic when Wyatt steals one.  But once the tide of anger washes over him, he also has an amazing capacity for sadness.  He will apologize, with tears in his eyes, for yelling or hitting or stomping.  It's a process.  

But this last week I have noticed a big change in him. Instead of getting so angry, he's been much more calm.  He will talk to me about what's making him upset.  It's inspiring to me that all our effort is paying off, and he's using his words to express a whole range of emotions.  

Three nights ago he came flying into our room, "Jack's throwing up!"  Josh flew down the hall to find Jack coughing in bed (not puking, thank God!) and while he was checking on Jack I talked to Logan.  Logan wiped his hand across his forehead and in mock relief said, "Phew! That was close!"  I tucked him back in, thanking him for worrying about his brother, and assuring him he did the right thing.

Two nights ago he came in, near midnight, drunk with sleep, and whispered to me that he had had a bad dream, a really scary one, about a bad Narnia.  I scooped him up into my warm sheets and told him that dreams are just imaginary.  I took him to the bathroom first, then wrapped him up in the quilt my grandmother made me when I was just his age, and told him that it would keep all the bad dreams away.  Then I prayed a whisper of a prayer in his ear as he drifted off.

When he woke up in the morning he said to me excitedly, "Mom! The blanket worked! I didn't have any more bad dreams!!!"  

These boys also have a naughty streak, which, luckily, I tend to have a pretty good humor about.  Last week they were upstairs in my room, playing and jumping around, when it got all too quiet. I headed upstairs and Jack said, "We're not doing anything," which means they were totally doing something.

When I got to my room, I could smell grapefruit really strong in the air, almost suffocating.  I opened the window and asked what they had done.  Jack produced the bottle of body spray that had been on my night stand.  "We were cleaning, mom," he explained, pointing to my picture frames, "See? We cleaned it?"  They had used the body spray like Windex, spraying it on all the picture frames in my room, and since it smelled good, they had also sprayed it on our bedspread and curtains.  When I asked what they used to "clean" Jack responded with a smile, "Our shirts," like it was the most brilliant solution ever.  Sure enough he smelled like grapefruit all over his belly.

At this point, Logan was in the bathroom going potty,
 so I followed to check on him and he said to me,
"That stuff tastes yucky."

"Oh, Logan! You tasted it?!?"

"Yes.  Jack tried it first, and said it was awful..."

"Oh, yeah, I bet it is. What did he do?"

"Well, then he drank some water. Lots of water."

"And he told you it was gross?"

"Yes, but I tried it anyway because I didn't believe him... He was right. It was awful!" he waited a beat and then added, "We also cleaned our glasses with it.  We sprayed them like this," and he imitated spraying grapefruit body spray on his glasses while they were on.his.face.

"You cleaned them on your face?!? 
Honey, only mommy can clean your glasses, okay?"

---
For the rest of the day we talked about grown up things, and cleaning things, and how all of them are to be used under adult supervision only.  And yesterday I reorganized my cleaning supplies so they are safely tucked out of reach of my boys, and I did the same thing with our medications.
sigh {with a smile}
Those boys.

 haircuts

 My hair was getting really long and stringy, and was taking too long to dry each morning.  It just felt yucky and unhealthy, and with five months to go before I hit civilization, I decided to ask Josh if he would cut it for me.

In return, Josh wanted his haircut. 

I have to say, for a couple of amateurs, we did pretty well!

helpers

In addition to "helping clean", the twins love to help cook.  Jack is especially keen on getting involved in the kitchen, which makes me happy.  This day, we were making our new favorite recipe for Milk Chocolate Chip Cookies.  

I think the real reason they like to help is that I give them a spoonful of brown sugar when we're done adding it to the dough!

I have been really struggling this week to just be happy.  My to-do list feels heavy, the gravity of our finances is overwhelming and today through Tuesday, Josh will be filing in for the principal while ours is gone for training.  Anywhere else that would mean an extended day during the workweek.  For us, here in rural Alaska, it means he will be on call each evening and all weekend, making airport runs as necessary and being available to the needs of the school and staff as they come up, no matter the hour.  A little more scooped onto mama's already full plate.

Luckily I have these little guys to help me keep on keepin' on.

They are what it's all about.