I've been really compelled lately to slow down. My friend Ashley chose the word Slow for 2017, and I totally admire that. The point of my word embrace is also to slow down, especially in those moments where I can connect with my children. The biggest change in my days thus far is bedtime. I am much more deliberate and I am more present than I have been in the past. First, I'm not scrolling on my phone during bedtime anymore since leaving Facebook. Instead I am borrowing books from Overdrive and reading while I nurse Carly. It's a much better use of my time and I walk away feeling refreshed & satisfied instead of discontent & irritated.
After I nurse Carly I climb into bed with Wyatt, rubbing his back and saying bedtime prayers with him. Recently I was talking to my sister about Love Languages for our kids. So far I have only done the online test with Jack, but another suggestion on the website was to ask kids, "How do parents love their kids?" I remembered to ask Wyatt the other day as we lay in his bed and he said, "By taking their kids to school." I asked him to expand, and he told me that he meant how I stay with him in the morning until the bell rings. All other parents drop the kids off, but after Wyatt had such a hard time saying goodbye at the beginning of the year, I decided to stay with him for that first recess and say goodbye at his door when school starts. It's hard when you aren't sure you're making the right choice as a mom. I vacillate between wanting to support Wyatt in a smooth morning transition and wanting to push him into more independence. But in that moment, as he expressed gratitude for my understanding where he is and being there for him, even though drop off would be so.much.easier (!) I knew I had been doing the right thing.
It all boils down to listening to my gut. And trusting that I know my children best.
It happened again last night with Jack. After we read our chapter of BFG, he asked me to lay with him, and I really didn't want to. I was beat and wanted to go escape on the couch with a good TV show, but I listened to my mom-gut and laid with him. He ended up sharing some things with me that he needed to get off his chest and needed my help navigating, and again, I was so glad that I listened to and trusted myself.
What a blessing that intuition is.