Any Less Smart

 One of my favorite movies of all time is Mona Lisa Smile.  My favorite scene is the one where Julia Robert's character, Miss Watson, (an older, unmarried college professor) has a conversation with Julia Stiles' character, Joan, (a recently eloped college student) about continuing her education or choosing to start a family.

Joan says she might one day regret not having a career, but she knows for certain she would one day regret not having a family, not being there to raise them.  "I know exactly what I'm doing and it doesn't make me any less smart."  She goes on to say, "You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't.  To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial.  She has no depth, no intellect, no interests.  You're the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want."

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Last year I read two articles about choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, forgoing a career, and was comforted by the argument that staying home does not, in fact, mean a life wasted.  Personal fulfillment, one author argues, comes not from a job or an income, but from making a difference.

In the first article New York Magazine writer Lisa Miller discusses staying at home in opposition to using the new road feminists blazed for us in the workplace.  When talking about Betty Friedan she says, "She presumed that all her suburban-housewife sisters felt as imprisoned as she did."

But that's not a fair assumption to make.  For many of us being home is what our hearts desire.  For me, I grew up knowing two things.  One was that I wanted to be college educated. And two was that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother.  It's sad that dreams for career aspirations are admired, but in some people's opinion I am "wasting" my education by using it on my children.

Thankfully my husband believes what I do here is valuable.  He appreciates the work I put into our home and has always said he would never trade places with me, acknowledging how challenging being home with our three boys can be. 

Being a SAHM is not easy.  It's not something I chose because I thought it would be less effort than working. It's something I chose because it's what is best for my children, and equally important, what is best for me. Leaving them broke my heart. I hated it. I think back on Wyatt's nearly three years and wonder at the fact that I've never had to leave him.

In the article it's stated that "the solution to resolving the long-running tensions between work and life is not more parent-friendly offices or savvier career moves, but the full embrace of domesticity." Lisa Miller muses that "the best way [for mothers] to have a happy life is to make home their highest achievement."

Having been a working mom for over two years, I have the privilege of comparing the two, and for me, staying home is better, hands down.  I don't have to worry about calling in sick if the kids are ill.  I remember mornings debating "how sick" they were and whether it was worth a sick day or not.

I also never have to set an alarm clock.

But perhaps the most important thing is that I get to be my children's primary influence, guiding their days, and being present for their every moment.

I quit my job in February 2011, and according to Miller's article, between 2010 and 2011 the number of stay-at-home moms rose for the first time since 2008.  Particularly for women between the ages of 25 and 35.  Many of these women experienced "an awakening to the virtues of the way things used to be."  America was happiest during the 1950's and while those traditional roles are not appreciated by everyone, many housewives argue that what we do within our families is sacred work.

When I did quit, I was blessed to have the support of all those around me.  First and foremost, my husband.  But I also had support from my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister, friends and even co-workers who, while sad to see me go, were overjoyed that my long-time dreams were coming true.  Each of these people had seen my tears, my heartbreak, and understood that my place was in the home.

I have taken staying home to the next level by choosing also to homeschool the boys.  When I imagine the boys going off to school, experiencing things I know nothing about, I get a little panicky.  Some may call that overprotective, and that's a label I'm willing to wear.  I feel most comfortable knowing I am in charge of my children and am aware of every little thing they do.

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The second article posted by Christy, the Harvard Homemaker, speaks directly to the thought of women "wasting" their education by staying home.  Christy, who graduated from Harvard and is now a happy, homemaking mama of four daughters, argues that "an education is never wasted. Ever." Can I get an amen?

She adds to her argument that we are "all trying to make sense of our place in the world without being judged and without feeling guilt for those choices... Until we've walked a mile in another woman's shoes it's not our place to pass judgment."

My goal here is not to say that being a stay-at-home mom is right for everyone.  Nor is it to say that being a working mom is wrong. I just want society to accept that although I am not using my bachelor's degree to move up the corporate ladder, I am using it to raise up {and educate} the next generation.  And that doesn't make me any less smart.