This weekend we went camping with family. My mom, nephew, brother-in-law, his fiancee & her brother, and my sister's family all joined us at my favorite place. It's where I grew up camping. And taking my kids there is magic.
While we were camping I started getting emotional about departing for Alaska in August. We leave in a little over two weeks, and I just can't comprehend how that's possible.
I have been trying to keep positive about going back. But to be honest, I'm scared. Last year was exhausting physically (pneumonia, bronchitis...) and emotionally (depression, anxiety...), and it's left me shaken.
I have to remind myself of one of my lifelong favorite quotes:
"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
-Mary Anne Radamacher
I have made it through hard days. I have had debilitating anxiety and joy-stealing depression, and still I stand. I have cried and prayed and trembled in fear, and still I stand. Through it all, I have run our household, parented my children & loved my husband.
It's scary to go back to the place where my fear was so strong, but it's home.
Really, it is.
So I have to put on a brave face.
Josh reminds me that I have tools now that I lacked before. And that I have a 100% track record of making it through hard days. And that's pretty good.
Most importantly, though, I want it.
I want to have joy, to be free of fear and to live fully.
And that desire coupled with my newfound skills will lead to success.