Thank you, all of you, for the kind things you said in response to my last post.
Leaving is hard.
Saying goodbye to my loved ones is hard.
Letting summer end is hard.
Going back to our remote village is challenging, making most of our meals from scratch is not easy, and being so isolated (both in location and due to weather) can be difficult.
But just because something is hard doesn't mean it isn't right.
I know that moving back to Washington seems as though it would solve all my problems, but I assure you, it would not. There are things here that are stressful, too. And my anxiety has followed me, regardless of my geography. That said, Josh and I have both agreed that if it reaches the point where being in the village is negatively impacting my well being (more than I think raising three kids while overcoming depression & anxiety would normally anywhere) we would absolutely relocate.
I guess if I'm spilling my guts (which I tend to do on here), this is what I would say:
I just need you to listen, nod, and agree that leaving is hard.
I need you to remind me that I'm awesome. That what I'm doing (being home with my kids) is worth it. That I can do hard things. I need you to commiserate with me when I struggle with parenting, and tell me that someday I will look back on this as the biggest adventure of my life.
I need you to cheer me on when I need cheering,
and listen when I need to vent.
I promise that we're being smart. That we're taking everyone in the family into account while making our big life plans. I don't want fear to run my life. I want to be brave and free. Things may continue to get better for me emotionally, or they may not. But I will have to cross that bridge when we get there.
The good news is, God will be there when I do.
And so will Josh.
So at least I know, I won't be alone.