What Is Right

Thank you, all of you, for the kind things you said in response to my last post.  

Leaving is hard.  
Saying goodbye to my loved ones is hard.  
Letting summer end is hard.

Going back to our remote village is challenging, making most of our meals from scratch is not easy, and being so isolated (both in location and due to weather) can be difficult.  

But just because something is hard doesn't mean it isn't right.  

I know that moving back to Washington seems as though it would solve all my problems, but I assure you, it would not.  There are things here that are stressful, too.  And my anxiety has followed me, regardless of my geography.  That said, Josh and I have both agreed that if it reaches the point where being in the village is negatively impacting my well being (more than I think raising three kids while overcoming depression & anxiety would normally anywhere) we would absolutely relocate.

I guess if I'm spilling my guts (which I tend to do on here), this is what I would say:
I just need you to listen, nod, and agree that leaving is hard.
I need you to remind me that I'm awesome. That what I'm doing (being home with my kids) is worth it.  That I can do hard things.  I need you to commiserate with me when I struggle with parenting, and tell me that someday I will look back on this as the biggest adventure of my life.

I need you to cheer me on when I need cheering,
and listen when I need to vent.

That's it.

I promise that we're being smart.  That we're taking everyone in the family into account while making our big life plans.  I don't want fear to run my life.  I want to be brave and free.  Things may continue to get better for me emotionally, or they may not.  But I will have to cross that bridge when we get there.  

The good news is, God will be there when I do.
And so will Josh.
So at least I know, I won't be alone.



Karen King said...

It's a gift to be able to homeschool your children. You are there first hand to see the light bulb click on when they learn something new...the rewards are so great for YOU and YOUR kids! I will keep you in prayer for strength, direction and peace.

Slacker MOM II said...

You are awesome! Even though your life choice is difficult for most to understand, I always say-you have to do what is best for you! You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers for the next days while you make the transition to your home.

Anonymous said...

It must be amazing to live somewhere remote even if it is challenging. I have a child with a complex disease, so for us that means making sure we are within easy reach of a hospital with specific paediatric capabilities. Even going to a beach is a stretch for us. The idea of not being within 20 mins of a main hospital is just too much. I would love to visit Alaska someday. Definitely on my to do list. The freedom and space must be amazing, but not to underplay what a big challenge it must be.

-c said...

Well said. You go girl.

Petersons said...

We just moved and it was hard but the right thing to do. I miss our old home.

Anonymous said...

I am looking forward to your Alaska adventures!

Anonymous said...

Shelly, You are an extraordinary woman, mother and a very supportive wife. You and your husband have a beautiful relationship; we should all be so lucky in love! How great of you to be raising three boys in such a loving environment.

Our lives are very different; I live in AZ, no children, no supportive family, with lots of health issues. I love reading about your life; your sweet boys and your adventures and the book recommendations you give. You are strong, brave, courageous and loving. Thank you for sharing your trials and triumphs with us. You make the world a better place!

Anonymous said...

Gosh - further to my comment on 29th July, I think you are such an amazing mum and wife. I only wish I could be half as good. Your strength knows no bounds and your blog is my favourite by a mile.