Thoughts on my Rainbow Baby

This picture was taken in our living room in Alaska exactly two years ago.  I was pregnant.  Secretly.  Excitedly.  Anxiously.

But the good kind of anxious. The kind that, every time you think of it, makes your stomach do flips inside you.  I couldn't believe I had been so lucky to get pregnant on the first try, and to have all my dreams coming true. 

Alas, they weren't.  

But for ten weeks I had day dreamed and envisioned this sweet fourth baby of ours.  I imagined him a boy, Reid Joseph, after Josh's best friend Joe, and was tickled thinking of a rounded belly, swollen with life in just a few short months.  Instead, as you all know, that pregnancy ended with a broken heart. Mine, obviously, and also our baby's. 

A few months later, we tried again.  And got pregnant again.  We day dreamed and imagined again.  This time imagining a girl, Bailey Kate.  By six weeks that dream had also turned to dust.  Not meant to be.

Five long months later, after declaring we were done, I had a sudden change of heart.  This wasn't how the story was going to end for our family.  Once again, we got pregnant.  But this time. It stuck.

Nine long months later Carly May, our rainbow baby, was born.  I had heard people say the cliche thing people say: "It was all worth it."  But I had no idea it could be so true.  

Carly was worth every tear, every bit of lost sleep & lost hope... She was worth all of it.


PS- Happy Seven Months to our sweet rainbow girl.  
You are the light of our lives.

1 comment:

Holly said...

:) I am so glad you got your sweet rainbow baby, and also that she happened to be a girl at that. (Of course, a boy would be just as loved and lovable but it's okay to rejoice at her girlhood too, I think!) And you will see your other two again someday. Hugs to you, Shelly!