I Believe In You

Oh man, you guys.  On Monday I lost it. Like, lost it BIG TIME.  Like crazy person yelling & swearing before school all because Logan closed out my tab on the computer and lost something I'd spent Sunday night working on. I was frustrated to be sure, but that's no excuse.  

My children didn't make me lose my temper.  I let myself lose my temper.  My children are not in control of my body, I am in control of my body.  And I know that how I react when I'm angry is teaching them how to react when they're angry. 

And Monday I screwed up. 

Big. 

And when I could (should) have taken a deep breath, apologized and stopped my tirade, I carried on because yelling felt good in that moment.  That's the truth --when I'm mad, yelling and being mad at whoever made me mad feels good.  Yelling feels justified and makes me feel vindicated.  But about ten seconds later, I feel sick.  Physically and emotionally.  I spent the rest of  Monday trying to move on.

I apologized to the kids before drop off, promising that just because I screwed up & fell off the no-yelling wagon didn't mean I was giving up.  I also texted Josh for support and I prayed for forgiveness for treating my kids like that.  But the only thing that got me through the day was knowing that Tuesday I was going to have a do over, a blank slate, a fresh chance to do better.  Thank God for that, right?

The other thing that got me through is the note Logan wrote to encourage me.
He handed it to me in the hallway just before dinner. 

"I know it is a habit.  

It takes time and it is hard for everyone to break a habit.

I believe in you."

That last line is the one that gets me.  I cannot believe how many times it has popped into my mind over the last three days.  It makes me want to tell all my people how much I believe in them, because those four words have inspired me so much this week.  

So for all you mama's out there trying to be better, 

I believe in you.

Let's not give up in our pursuit of becoming amazing moms.

We can do this.

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