Attending... my friends' twin girls' birthday party at the local arcade. All four kids had so much fun. It was a great way to kill a Saturday morning & make some great memories. They loved the prizes they got with their tickets and Carly had fun trying to play the games like her big brothers.
Having... Jack's best friend who moved away over for the afternoon Saturday. He was able to stay for movie night and Jack was so happy to see him again. We have all missed him, honestly. He's one of those kids that you just love having around. He lightens the mood, is super sweet to Carly and just really easy to be with.
Going... to Wenatchee Sunday to see my sister and celebrate her birthday. Carly fell asleep for some of the drive (thank you, Dramamine for Kids -before that, she would throw up. Every time.), and I took pictures, and I'm so glad I did. They are the last pictures I got of her with her beloved favorite feather taggie, which we lost this week. The party was really fun- we played charades, got to visit and catch up with my sister as well as my parents who were in town.
Needing... to find (and believe in) my value as a human being without tying it to what I accomplish in a day. I have been feeling lately like I don't have value because I don't bring in a paycheck. I have been second guessing myself in every area of my life, and really feeling down on myself. Feeling like a failure as a wife and mother, and just questioning whether I am effective in what I do.
I put a lot of thought into it, and I think it is the stage of parenting I am in. When you have a baby, your duties are very clear and you know if you are doing a good job because the baby is healthy & thriving. It's very cut & dry. But I don't have a baby anymore. I have two 10 year olds and a 7 year old. A lot of the parenting I do is planting seeds that I won't see grow (let alone bloom) for years. Teaching kindness and morals is much slower work than teaching ABC's and potty training. The turnaround is less immediate. All I can do is keep working (and working, and working), praying that it's all getting in there.
Working... to combat my lack of confidence by staying in the moment with my kids, and finding that it really works. I've been focused at bedtime on listening to each kid, giving them all my full attention, and also by making lists and accomplishing a handful of specific things each day so I feel successful. I think some days the things we do as moms are easy to forget because each day we just have to do them over again (feed the kids, do the dishes, wash the laundry...). Having a list to cross off makes me feel productive and confident that I am working hard & making a difference here.
Laughing... when Logan came home sick from school one day this week and couldn't play with friends after school, so he was left playing with Carly. I knew they were going to play Nerf guns (a favorite around here), but was dying when I saw that Logan had "arrested" Carly, zip tying her hands together. She was totally willing to play, not even irritated, just going along with his orders. Oh that girl is just the best sport! #lifewithbigbrothers
Walking... to school finally after what felt like the longest winter ever. It was just me and Wyatt because Jack had patrol, so he and Logan rode home once his duty was over. It is just so nice to be outside again, hearing the birds, looking up at the blue sky, and seeing some green after a winter of grey and white.
Feeling... the strong urge to spring clean as the snow melted and spring suddenly "turned on". I did a big Goodwill run, bought some things we have been needing on my Walmart list (lightbulbs, etc.) and feel much better about the state of our house as we prepare to spend more time outside working on the yard.
Reading... No Exit and listening to Becoming on audio. No Exit was disturbing with a ton of twists and turns. Super exciting and edge-of-your-seat. Whoooo! (Warning: it will make you want to avoid rest stops for the duration of your life. Ha!) Becoming was equally engaging, and I found myself doing extra chores just so I could listen a little more. (It's nearly 20 hours long!)
Being... heavy hearted when Carly took her favorite taggie on a walk to the school to pick Wyatt up and we lost it. I walked back, then drove back, then looked in the school lost & found... it's nowhere to be found. She is heartbroken. I feel so sad for her!
Thankful... Wyatt has found some neighbor kid friends in our neighborhood. He is so happy to go out and play after school, and I'm so happy for him to finally have friends around us. The twins have had friends nearby since we moved in, so I'm happy for him to have the same now.
Icing... the black eye Wyatt got from a friend during a playful wrestling match. Somehow he didn't cry when he got it, but that sucker looked painful, and only got worse as the week pressed on! He couldn't even wear his glasses for the first two days because his face was so swollen! Poor kiddo!
I have worn them almost everyday since, and love how they remind me that this is my greatest work, my greatest privilege. As Ricki Lake said, "Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing." Amen.
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For a laugh:
{Do I have to answer this???} |
A sweet reminder:
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2 comments:
Love love love your rings! I used to have a necklace from Lisa Leonard (when I only had four!) and would love to get something new someday to represent all six kids.
Also: You're doing great, mama! Cheering you on from VA!
I think you are spot on with the thoughts on motherhood and how you won't see this work pay off for years. That's hard and thankless work momma- you are doing awesome! Xxoox
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