Twin Birth

{Friday June 6, 2008}

The boys were born on the day I hit the 37 week mark.  My contractions started at 2am.  By 6am they were intense enough that I woke Josh up and told him he should call in to work.  We arrived at the hospital at 8am.  At 10am when Dr. Plaut came in to check on my progress she said I was dilated 1cm, which meant that the labor was progressing. She suggested we do the c-section, and scheduled the OR for 2pm.  (We had planned a c-section in advance due to Logan being so small & face down, but Jack being transverse- across my belly- and the larger of the two.)

When she said she was scheduling the OR Josh and I high fived! We were so excited! Later the fear crept in:  This was major surgery. I was worried about the boys' sizes and health.  Knowing our lives would never be the same. But luckily Josh has a way of calming my fears.  He held my hand, let me cry and told me it would be okay.  In my heart, I knew he was right.

At 2pm we walked down to the OR and Josh waited in the hall while I had my spinal done.  When he came in, he sat in a chair by my head and we waited.

At 2:54pm Logan Henry (Baby A) came into the world crying. To hear his cry, was the sweetest moment of my life. I had finally become a mother.

At 2:55pm Jack Sawyer (Baby B) came quietly into the world.  When Dr. Plaut said he had arrived, I felt complete.

 I had done my  job.  I had grown those babies and delivered them safely into the world.

 After the boys were born they were taken to the NICU (aka the nursery) to be monitored.  Josh went with them. They were concerned about the boys keeping their blood sugars up. And about Logan keeping his body temperature.  Meanwhile I was wheeled to recovery.

 A short time later they brought the boys in to be nursed.  But first I got to just hold them.  Finally, after months and months of dreaming about holding these babies, they were in my arms. Already I felt torn by there being two of them. If I looked at one, I wanted to be looking at the other!  I couldn't believe there was really two of them.

I was informed that Jack was going to stay with me from that point, but that Logan would be taken back to the NICU.  So I took advantage of him being in the room to nurse to feast my eyes on this tiny boy.  His small size was completely shocking to me. I couldn't believe I had had a four pound baby!
 Everything about him was miniature and perfect.

 On the way back to the NICU after nursing Josh & Logan ran into Grandma Carol. She was so overjoyed for these boys to arrive.

 During the 18 hours Logan was in the NICU Josh traveled back and forth between our two rooms. I was unable to walk (from the spinal) so he fed, changed and kept Logan company. Then he came back and did the same for Jack & I.  He was amazing.
This is our favorite picture of Logan in the NICU. He looked so tiny on Josh's forearm.

 Here is Logan all hooked up in the NICU.
He was just the most precious thing I'd have ever seen.

 While Logan was in the NICU with Josh, I focused solely on Jack.  He was named after Josh. Josh's initials are JAC, and we thought Jack would be fitting, since we didn't want a junior. And Jack looked exactly like Josh.  It was unbelievable.

The day after the boys were born my sister flew home from California, and when she walked in the room, I nearly cried. I didn't realize how much I had wanted and needed her there. I needed her to see my babies, hold my babies, love my babies alongside me. And oh did she love them!!!
 I love this picture of her with Logan because of how alert he is. He was always like this.  Like my wise old man, just taking it all in.

My mom had been there off and on from the get-go.  She was there while I got prepped for surgery and she took care of me in recovery while Josh was with the boys in the NICU.  She took incredible care of myself and my boys.  With two babies for Josh to care for, and myself recovering from surgery, that third set of hands was much needed.

 The Cunningham Twins
{Logan & Jack}

 Logan Henry

 Jack Sawyer

On Monday, it was time to go home.  We put the boys in their car seats, packed up and headed out.

  This was my favorite sight... My husband carrying our precious babies out to the car, to go home together.

And so began our adventure as a family of four.

Throwing My Uterus Away

Well, I did it.
I got rid of my week-by-week baby, pregnancy & infant sleep books.
It basically felt like throwing my uterus away.

Alright, that's dramatic.
But also, accurate.

So, we're done.  Handing them to the man at the local Goodwill, was basically the same as handing the surgeon my fertility.  Glad to have that finished.

For a while after I had Carly (basically until she was about a year and a half) I still had occasional thoughts about having a fifth child... but now I feel total peace about the size of our family.  Four is it. We're good.  I am so blessed by our three boys and by our one girl.  The only thing (seriously, the only thing) that gives me pause is the fact that Carly will not have a sister.  But I console myself with the fact that some of my best friends don't have sisters. She'll just find really good friends.

Afternoons are when my life tends to be the craziest.  The boys get home from school and they're emptying backpacks and telling me about their day and asking for help with homework while Carly is getting into everything and tantruming that I won't let her draw on Wyatt's Parent Chat folder... and it's in those moments I know I have a little more than all I can handle. Also, when they're all sick, one after the other.  That's a lot for one mama to handle.

How did you know (or do you know yet???) that you were done having babies?  For me, finally knowing (and having complete peace about it) has been such a gift because it has allowed two things.  One, it has allowed me to get rid of all the baby things easily.  (Baby saucer? Buh-bye! Baby bath? See-ya-later!) And two, it has allowed me to really cherish every stage Carly has entered and left.  I know it will end (both the good, and the bad) so I can enjoy the good, and laugh my way through the bad, which has been really nice.

I did love being pregnant, and I'm sad about never being pregnant again. And I'm sad to never nurse another baby.  But I won't regret not having a fourth c-section and I'm so glad to know I'll never experience post-partum anxiety or migraines ever again.  Those were kind of the worst.

It's weird, though.  I was telling my mom, I spent my whole life dreaming of having babies and being a mom and POOF! In less than ten years, that chapter of my life is over. (Not the being a mom part, but the 'having babies' part.)  I'm sure glad I enjoyed it while it lasted!

***

Carly May Cunningham

::39 Weeks::
Last pregnant picture!

Saturday morning, bright and early Josh arrived home after a complication-free night of travel from the village in Alaska to PDX.  We shared donuts with three very happy little boys and set about getting everything ready for the big day Sunday.

Sunday  morning we awoke, showered, hugged & kissed the children goodbye, and set off to welcome our fourth little one into the world.  We checked in and had a few hours of waiting while I had bloodwork done, got an IV of fluids & met our nurse & staff.

Before we knew it, it was time to bid my mom and sister goodbye.  I walked to the OR with Josh and my amazing nurse Erika.  She held my shoulders gently while I got my spinal.  They checked for numbness and soon I was numb to my rib cage.  I started to feel  like I was having trouble breathing, but the anesthesist assured me that I was breathing, even if I couldn't feel it.

(For those wondering, I opted for my third birth to be a repeat c-section. I had a c-section with the twins (my first pregnancy) because the smaller twin was head down, but baby B, who was bigger was transverse (across my belly) and my doctor was concerned he wouldn't go head down when his brother was born, and I didn't want to have to recover from both a vaginal birth and a c-section.  My second birth was a failed VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean).  I labored for 24 hours after my water broke, dilated to 8cm, and was exhausted beyond belief, but Wyatt wouldn't move down for anything!  So it ended in a c-section as well.  After the failed VBAC followed by cesarean, I knew I didn't want to labor and have that same experience, so I chose to pick a day and have Carly that way.  In some ways it was easier (knowing the date, not worrying about childcare, not stressing about labor) but in other ways it's been pretty difficult (excessive swelling, abdominal pain from the incision and all the worries that go along with major surgery).  But overall I would say my third c-section was the best one yet.  I knew what to expect, didn't take any narcotics except oxycodone twice when the pain got bad, and was up and around by day two.)

Less than ten minutes into the operation, Carly was being pulled from my womb.  There was music playing the whole time.  The song playing when she was born at 12:06? Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5. Ha! She was completely alert, eyes open, looking all around even before her legs had left my belly.  Every person in the room commented on it.

She was weighed and came in at 7lbs. 14oz. and 21 and a quarter inches long.  My longest baby by an inch, and my third in weight. (Logan was 4.6lbs, Jack was 6.13lbs, and Wyatt was 8.14lbs.)  And her apgar scores were 8 and 9.

Josh brought her over after they'd checked her out and I got to see her sweet face and hold her hand.  While they'd been pulling her out and checking on her, tears just streamed down my face.  After a journey of nearly two years, two miscarriages and three pregnancies, I'd finally have a baby in my arms.  I couldn't put into words how grateful I felt.

She continued to be alert in the recovery room.  We stayed there for an hour and I remember feeling very nauseous.  Luckily I never did lose it.  (I threw up after both my other c-sections, and let me tell you, puking after abdominal surgery is not super fun.)

Then we finally got to go back to our regular room and Carly got to meet my mom and sister, as well as have her first bath.  She loved it!

Carly May Cunningham

7lbs. 14oz. :: 21 and a quarter inches

January 24, 2016 at 12:06pm

Order of events:
1. Be born
2. Put on pink clothes

Proud Aunt Roxanne

My mom, Nanny, meeting Carly for the first time

Holding Nanny's hand

My favorite nurse friend Kathy with Carly

Me & my girl

That afternoon Josh's mom brought the boys over, and that will have a post all its own, but I can't post a blog about her birth and not include a picture of her with her three biggest fans.

The first night in the hospital was a bit tough as we worked on breast feeding, but each subsequent night got better.  If I'm going to be sleep deprived, I'd prefer it always be with a cutie like this!

Can I just say I love all the baby girl clothes?

Meeting Grandma Carol for the first time

Meeting Aunt Julie for the first time

Meeting Uncle Blake

And meeting Uncle Dalton, whose birthday she shares!

I so enjoyed getting to know this little girl who's been growing inside me the last nine months.  She's more beautiful & perfect than I imagined.

And she looks a lot like Wyatt did when he was born.

She was 7lbs. 14oz. when she was born, which is only two ounces more than I had predicted.  But by the end of our stay at the hospital, she got down to 6lbs. 15oz. Because of her loss, I started pumping and supplementing her time at the breast with expressed milk via a tube attached to Josh's finger which she would "nurse" on.  It was a good way to try and get her weight up while we waited for my milk to come in.

One afternoon Jack came to hang with us while his brothers had a playdate at Nanny's.  He loved on Carly and enjoyed playing big brother.

I know this is a really long post (with lots of pictures!) but as time passed and I still hadn't blogged, I decided to include all her hospital pictures in this birth post.  

The reason it took me so long to blog is that I've had a serious case of "baby blues", which I never understood or knew about before I had Carly.  Knowing what I know now, I realize I had them with Wyatt (to a lesser degree) as well.  Random, unstoppable bouts of crying; feeling overwhelmed; insomnia; and night terrors (all from a hormonal imbalance caused by birth) made it hard to function for a few days after we got home. 

Thankfully I called my OB and she gave me a Rx for Vistaril, which is an anti-histamine used to help with anxiety & insomnia.  Just one pill each night has given me the strength to combat my anxiety, kick insomnia to the curb and feel like maybe, just maybe, I can do this whole "parenting four kids" thing.  

--------

In the meantime Carly turned a week old on Sunday, my milk came in, my crazy swollen feet have gotten back to normal, and we're slowly working on getting back into our normal routine.  I could seriously pinch myself every time I dress Carly in something precious & pink.  After nearly eight years of blue & green, it feels surreal.  

I am so grateful she is so healthy and that I am healing up so quickly.  

God has been so good to us.