Throwing My Uterus Away

Well, I did it.
I got rid of my week-by-week baby, pregnancy & infant sleep books.
It basically felt like throwing my uterus away.

Alright, that's dramatic.
But also, accurate.

So, we're done.  Handing them to the man at the local Goodwill, was basically the same as handing the surgeon my fertility.  Glad to have that finished.

For a while after I had Carly (basically until she was about a year and a half) I still had occasional thoughts about having a fifth child... but now I feel total peace about the size of our family.  Four is it. We're good.  I am so blessed by our three boys and by our one girl.  The only thing (seriously, the only thing) that gives me pause is the fact that Carly will not have a sister.  But I console myself with the fact that some of my best friends don't have sisters. She'll just find really good friends.

Afternoons are when my life tends to be the craziest.  The boys get home from school and they're emptying backpacks and telling me about their day and asking for help with homework while Carly is getting into everything and tantruming that I won't let her draw on Wyatt's Parent Chat folder... and it's in those moments I know I have a little more than all I can handle. Also, when they're all sick, one after the other.  That's a lot for one mama to handle.

How did you know (or do you know yet???) that you were done having babies?  For me, finally knowing (and having complete peace about it) has been such a gift because it has allowed two things.  One, it has allowed me to get rid of all the baby things easily.  (Baby saucer? Buh-bye! Baby bath? See-ya-later!) And two, it has allowed me to really cherish every stage Carly has entered and left.  I know it will end (both the good, and the bad) so I can enjoy the good, and laugh my way through the bad, which has been really nice.

I did love being pregnant, and I'm sad about never being pregnant again. And I'm sad to never nurse another baby.  But I won't regret not having a fourth c-section and I'm so glad to know I'll never experience post-partum anxiety or migraines ever again.  Those were kind of the worst.

It's weird, though.  I was telling my mom, I spent my whole life dreaming of having babies and being a mom and POOF! In less than ten years, that chapter of my life is over. (Not the being a mom part, but the 'having babies' part.)  I'm sure glad I enjoyed it while it lasted!



Holly said...

Well and you could have three more babies and never give Carly a sister ;)

Holly said...

And after school is our craziest time too and also the time that K and Luke seem to need the most attention. It's like - I was with you all day! Let me talk to the boys now 😂

Nuts about food said...

I love the phase my kids are in now (son is 8 and daughter 12), although tweens come with a whole bunch of extremely trying moments, and I wouldn't want to go back and start over again. Nonetheless, it is always hard getting rid of the things that belonged to their earlier years. My choice to stop at two felt right and also seemed like the smart thing to do, but had I been younger when I started and if I didn't live in a smallish apartment in a big and expensive city, I probably would have loved a third.