3.04.2013

be here

"Challenges are what make life interesting; 
overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." 
-Joshua Marine 

This weekend motivation came and stayed with us.  
I was so happy to be paid a visit, and the effects of the stay are abundant.

Last week, my house looked like this.
Sink full of dishes...

To-do list items, toys and stuff strewn about the house.

 Laundry not yet put away, cleaning supplies not yet used...

 Piles of the sorting I'd done previously remained where I'd dropped them originally.

 Rooms needed tidying,

 and sheets needed washing.
---
Friday Josh and I had date night.  Zodiac (scary!) and a pizza (delicious!) were the perfect start to our weekend.  The movie was long (two and a half hours!), so we got to bed late, but Saturday morning started well despite my lack of sleep.  After a relaxing evening the night before, I felt refreshed.

I woke up with the boys, as is our custom, and Josh slept in.  We moseyed downstairs, watched some cartoons and snuggled on the couch together.  Then we had breakfast and began to play.

The twins love to play at the kitchen table. It's their preferred location.  Well, as of Saturday, they are no longer playing there alone.  This little man figured out how to climb onto the kitchen chairs.  The look of accomplishment on his face when he gets up there is priceless.

I like that the boys are drawn to the heart of our home to play.  
That I can hear their imaginary play behind me while I wash dishes or cook.

A new thing I'm doing is rotating toys. I put some toys in a tote and hide it in the recesses of the twins' bedroom closet.  Recently the trains made an appearance after an extended  absence, and oh what a hit!

Another favorite idea I've implemented is a "Quiet Activity Shelf".  We have puzzles, colorbooks, Uno, matching games and this cool magnetic shape game.  When the house is getting too chaotic, or I am on the phone and need a minute, I can tell them to choose an activity from there, and they know exactly what to do. It's like a wall of magic. Love!

(Here is Jack's take of the elephant.  I love that he didn't use the paper, but made his own version. So cool.)

And here is Logan's.  
He didn't like that Jack didn't use the form. 
---
The rest of Saturday was weekend perfection.  Josh woke up and took the boys (all three!!!) to the school for Saturday Social. He said Wyatt was an angel, running, playing and talking.  When he was leaving he said, "We're going to give mommy a break so she can do nothing for two hours."  His saying that was like a gift.  I knew then that he had no expectations of my time.  And so I sat on the living room floor, with my journal in my lap, Guiliana & Bill on E! on the television, and set to work catching up my journal.  It felt so good to just be. To breathe. To space out.  And then to collect my thoughts.

When they got home Josh stuck around for lunch, then left to do an extra session of tutoring.  I planned school for this week, which was no small fete with all brand new curriculum, and played Uno with each of the boys individually.

Saturday night was movie night and Josh made pizza for the boys. They got to eat in the living room while watching Brave.  They love movie night, and how special it is. Jack snuggled me in the recliner when he was done eating, and it felt so good to hold him.  I miss holding them.  My big boys.  

About two weeks ago I was crying to Josh, and subsequently my mom, about how I can't remember the last time I held them on my hip. So much of parenting is like that.  There are these actions that are such a part of everyday life, you don't think to stop and take note of them until it's too late.  

Was it while I was pregnant with Wyatt, before I got too far along?
Was it post c-section sometime?
Was it this summer?

I have racked my brain trying to know. Trying to remember. Trying to feel the sensation of their weight.  Beyond holding them individually... When was the last time I held them together? Hoisted them up, one on each hip, and bore the weight of my beautiful miracles? 

I can't remember.
---

Sunday is my morning to sleep in, but I find that if I sleep in too long, I wake up with a migraine. Not cool. So this Sunday, I tried waking up a little earlier. Instead of sleeping until 10am, like I usually do, I got up at 8am. No headache. Awesome!

Plus, I managed to get so much done with the extra time!  I made four loaves of bread, two loaves of cinnamon raisin bread, gave all three boys baths, cleaned house, and rearranged the playroom.  It felt great to accomplish so much and know that the effort would pay off big time this week.

Oh... another thing we did? Hung that picture. Finally. Took about 45 seconds.  45 seconds to put a smile on my face every morning when I open my eyes and see those birches.  So worth it.

Sunday afternoon Joe called Josh and asked if the twins could come play with Aaliyah and Michael outside.  So I got another two hour break! I spent this break watching Teen Mom, one of my guilty pleasures.  It was divine.

And the twins had so much fun outside.  
---
It felt so good to wake up this morning knowing that after a weekend of preparation, I was ready for the week.

Our new schedule? It worked beautifully. 

The morning was spent getting ready for the day and playing.  
They played so well, in fact, that I was able to reorganize the entire pantry!  

Josh was home for lunch and after that I put Wyatt down for his nap, and the twins and I got to do school. It felt so awesome to be able to focus completely on the task at hand with no distractions.

Our goals from now to the end of the school year are:
-Learn to write Cunningham independently
-Memorize letter sounds
-Understand patterns
-Read & discuss a story each day
-Learn the numbers 11-20

After school was over, and stickers were assigned to the best work, the boys did their Tag Readers for a half hour.  Then they watched an episode of Sponge Bob and before we knew it, Wyatt was awake.
---

 The weather this week is supposed to be off the charts. Today it was 36 degrees. The sun was shining and snow was melting.  We bundled up and took advantage.

 The twins were SO happy to be outside, and to see our neighbor dog, Angel, off her leash and free to play with us.

 They climbed Wind Mountain.

 It's seriously so high!

 I love when I get reminders (like in this picture) of their twin-ness.

 Then we went ice-skating, no skates necessary.

 A stray dog thought it looked fun, so he came to say hi.

And then joined in the fun.  
Jack goes, "His paws are good skaters, mom!"

When we are outside, and the wind is blowing, or the temperatures are frigid, I find myself feeling so proud of these amazing, adaptable boys.  The twins have completely embraced Alaska.  They are willing to suffer a bit of cold if it means they can have an adventure.  

I am so grateful for their built in friendship.  
 They rally each other, climb mountains, giggle and make up games together.  

It gives me some one on one time with Wyatt. Usually he asks me to sing to him.  I oblige, singing Row Row Row Your Boat or Sunshine over and over until he tires of it.

Last week the twins were talking and they asked me who Wyatt's partner was. I told them  he would probably get married someday and that his wife would be his partner.

"No, mom. Jack is my partner," Logan said, as if I were talking about him.  They are both adamant that they will not be getting married but will be each others' partner and live in a house where video games are allowed.  "Yeah," Jack piped up, "Logan's my partner. Who is Wyatt's partner?"  Logan looked at Jack solemnly and said to him with a sad realization, "He doesn't have a partner." 

It broke my heart to see how sad they were for Wyatt not having a twin.  I have wondered when they would start to recognize their twinship and it's uniqueness and I think the time has come.  They see twins on TV or in books and point it out.  They understand that they look alike to outsiders, and have even tried to trick us.

At bedtime a while back Logan looked at me and said, "I'm Jack." Jack jumped right on board and said, "Yeah, and I'm Logan." I said, "I know you guys. I know who you are. You can't trick me."  But I thought it was an important milestone as twins.  They are beginning to understand some of who they are together and what they could get away with.

 Some things can only be experienced as the mother of twins, and other things can only be experienced as the mother of a singleton. And I feel so lucky to be able to experience both.

This is Wyatt's "I'm ready to go inside now" face. Poor little buddy! We managed to stay out for almost an hour, though, and the twins at this point were ready to head for warmth, too!
---
Josh and I cannot stop talking about how much we love our littlest boy.  This morning I was like, "Did you ever think you would have three sons?" And he said no way. He thought he'd have sixteen girls like his dad did.  (slight exaggeration)  He still can't believe some days that he has three little boys.

One of our favorite things about Wyatt is his love of books.  He will bring a book, say, "Read it" and then walk backwards, lowering himself into our laps. It's just the cutest thing.  Then he puts his hands over our hands as we hold and turn the pages. He grips kind of tight, like he's holding hands with us. 

It is ever so tender.

Tonight as I worked on this blog post, I listened to random music that was in a file on my desktop. It's music I chose to download shortly before Josh left for Alaska a year and a half ago.  Hearing these songs makes me so emotional.

And maybe that's just what this all boils down to. 
Our family is together. 

We've been together now, for over a year. And because of that, all is well. 
Happiness is so simple.

This little one learning to talk, learning to climb, saying, "I love you"...
His big brothers saying their prayers, doing chores, learning their ABC's...

That Daddy working to provide for us, planning for our future, being here...
And this mama learning to cook, working to be better, finding little things to be grateful for...
All of us together, being a family.

I am so happy to be where I am. To wake up each morning with these boys motivating me to do more, love more, be more.  It just feels so good to be here.

3.03.2013

life {without} facebook

I deactivated over six weeks ago, and I can honestly say I haven't looked back... The first week I noticed a serious abundance of free time.  I also noticed that when I was bored or avoiding an activity (say, cleaning the bathroom), I would unconsciously click on the Facebook tab either on my phone or the computer.  Then I would see the prompt asking if I was Josh, and I'd be like, "Oh yeah! I'm not doing this anymore!"

After that I stopped accidentally clicking on the blue f that ran my life, and moved on.  I have missed some announcements (pregnancies, people moving, engagements), but if I don't hear about it in real life (aka a phone call or letter) does it really matter to me? I mean, if I never took the time to maintain a relationship with this person outside the internet, how important could they be?

If there was one thing I would have to say I miss about Facebook, it's being able to plug my blog.  I used to have over 200 views per post. Now I'm lucky to hit 50.  But if that's all I have to sacrifice to gain so much free time, it's worth it to me.

Plus, I am hoping to gain more readers when my "True Story" about raising my kids in rural Alaska is posted on Sarah's blog, Yes and Yes in June.  True Story is a series that Sarah does about people doing interesting things. 

My favorite three?
True Story: I'm an egg donor

I have had a few people mention my leaving Facebook, saying they've considered it and wondering how it's going.  I would say it's going great, and the hardest part was clicking the 'deactivate' button.  After that, it was smooth sailing.  

I would also encourage anyone contemplating leaving, to do it for just one week.  Log off Sunday, and promise yourself you won't log back in until the following Sunday.  Leaving for one week is less daunting than leaving for good, and will give you a taste of what life can be if you're Facebook free.

3.02.2013

Self Love {Top Ten}

 I have been working on loving myself following the advice of the amazing Gala Darling.  Her website is chock full of lists and ways to work on treating yourself like you do your best friend.

Here is a list of ten basic ways to start loving (and taking care of) yourself.
{You can find the original post here.}

It's my favorite list, because it's somewhat short and feels completely doable.  I am working to implement just one thing off this list into my schedule each day.


Take time to be alone:
meditate//just be

Pay myself a compliment:
focus on what I do well//make note of it

Read Poetry:
or other blogs//magazines for inspiration

Shift the focus:
from OUTSIDE to inside

Write a love letter to myself:
something true that resonates

Evaluate what I'm feeding myself:
not just food//also media
{is it adding or detracting from my life?)

Move your body:
a teeny bit of exercise can have a huge impact

*Stand up for what you believe in:
don't apologize//radical self love=having your own interests

Go to bed early:
treat yourself to delicious & restorative nights

Do something good for someone else:
write a note//make a call

Tell yourself ::
"This is who I am.
No amount of self-loathing, 
worry or doubt
will change it.
I will love and accept myself."

*A note on standing up for what I believe in:
It's very easy to talk about this, and think you believe in the old cliche... It is very much another thing to truly do it.  To sacrifice something important for the sake of that belief.  Or to walk away from something that could have been beautiful in the pursuit of something better.
When the moment comes, you will know.  Your heart may break in the process, but the outcome will be better than you ever dreamed.  You will know love, and respect yourself so much for taking a stand.
Listen to your heart. Be still.  Don't let anything outside yourself cloud your judgment.

"To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest."
-Mahatma Gandhi

3.01.2013

harmony


"Happiness is when
what you think,
what you say,
and what you do
are in harmony."
-Mahatma Gandhi

Things around here have gotten a bit rough around the edges. I've maintained my sanity, and the kids have been well cared for, but things have simply not been running as smooth as I would like.  I think a big part of making change is recognizing it needs to happen in the first place.

I've been noticing that Wyatt's nap time is very stressful for me. The boys used to lay and watch a video... Now they mostly try to wrestle and ask when Wyatt will be up.  I also started noticing I dread getting out of bed in the morning- and not always because I am tired. And the boys have this attitude that I am not liking.  There has been sassy words, eye rolling and a general annoyance at any request.  Also, there have been multiple complaints of boredom.

I knew I wanted something to change. I want nap time to be quiet (obviously) but also fun.  I want the twins to be building characteristics that will help them in the future- including being a team player, having kindness, using manners and building independence wherever they can.

And so last night I sat, pen in hand, writing down everything that came into my mind.
What I want the boys to learn in school...
The characteristics I hope to instill in them...
An ideal schedule of our days...
and what parenting goals I have for myself that can improve our current situation.

Then this morning while reading quotes online, I came across them little gem:
"Action expresses priorities."
- Mahatma Gandhi

And so, Monday morning a new schedule will greet us.  And I can't wait!

We will wake up in the morning and snuggle on the couch watching cartoons.  We will all get ready for the day, which will (once again) include me showering before Josh leaves for work.  We will take vitamins and brush teeth every morning after breakfast.

Midmorning will be play time in the playroom and time for me to check anything on the internet. {Hello, lovely blogs; daily e-mails from my bff Julie; and other little inspirations!!!}

After lunch Wyatt will go down for naps, and then the twins and I will do preschool.  We start a whole new curriculum next week that I am very excited about. We made it through the entire alphabet and are also finished with colors, shapes and the numbers 1-10.  The next eleven weeks while we are here, we will be working on letter sounds, patterns, numbers 11-20 and basic addition.

In the late afternoon we will be sure to get some exercise, either by going outside (it's supposed to be 36 degrees on Monday!!!) or by doing a Move N Groove video in the house.

Before we know it, Josh will be home for the night, and we'll be having dinner and getting ready for bed... Only to wake up {joyfully} and do the whole thing over again.  I really, really hope all the planning and effort that has gone into these changes will not be for nothing! I hope, hope, hope this puts a spring back in my step, and helps our boys feel like they truly are my priority.

---

I am going to work hard to be more purposeful with my spare time as well-- especially when it comes to phone calls.  I want to stay close to my mom and sister, but once we start talking, it generally lasts forever (!) so I need to be careful that I only talk to them when it's good timing. 

I also have a goal of doing one small thing with each boy each day.  Read a book, play a simple game, color... It doesn't matter the activity. What matters is that they feel they have my complete attention for some part of the day. I was doing this for a while, then Logan got sick and my plan kinda went out the window.  I know that all three of them, but especially Jack, will benefit from having my full attention. Despite the fact that they are twins, Jack definitely displays more "middle child" behavior, in being more emotionally needy and wanting more one on one time. I want to meet that need, and I know that it will improve his "I'm bored" complaints, as well as let him know how important he is to me.

I will also be focusing on being more physical with them. My sister told me that she read somewhere that boys are hugged and kissed less often than girls.  That broke our very hearts.  So I have been hugging and kissing those three like there's no tomorrow.

I also want to focus on praising when they do something well.  This is one area where having twins is the best! If I tell Logan he did a good job using his manners, Jack is dropping "pleases" and "thank you's" every other word.  It's the best. And whatever I can get the big boys to do, little brother copies... so it's win-win-win! ;)

In terms of misbehavior, I will be using timer timeouts, even though it's annoying to do, and I will also be using gentle reminders (no yelling!).  Logan does really well with gentle reminders. If I shout out a command, his natural response is to test it.  It doesn't work for either of us.

With Jack, I find I am too quick to punish, when all he really needs is to be validated and redirected. Say Logan took his toy- all he really wants is for me to say, "Oh, man. That must have made you upset. How about you play with the airplanes instead?" 90% of the time, that works.  And for the rest of the time? He just needs a break.  My mom suggested sending him to his room for a break, and inviting him to come back down (on his own) whenever he's ready.  I think it will work really well for him, and let him feel more in control of the situation.


And lastly...

Next year when we get back here, I know that I am going to have my hands full taking care of all three boys and the house on my own while Josh throws himself, heart and soul, into his masters program.  My goal in preparing us for that is to complete as much as possible this year.  This means those things on my to-do list are going to get done!

I ordered the items necessary to get my recipes in order; I am going to complete that phone book; as well as catch up all three boys' scrapbooks.  I am also working on sorting through every square inch of the house, and getting rid of anything we don't need or use.  It's a sort of early spring cleaning, I guess.  It feels great!

I hope to come to you blogging next week as a mama full of happiness, 
floating on the high of finding what works for us!

Happy Weekend!