Remember When?

{Jack, Mommy & Logan}

Tonight during dinner I started crying. Logan asked Josh why he was going to Alaska. Josh told him, "To teach because I love to see kids learn." And Logan was so sweet in wanting to understand it. I just sat there, watching them talk, and sobbed.
I am going to miss Josh so much.
And so are they.

{November 2008}

Then later, after we put the boys to bed, I was looking through old photo albums online and came across these pictures. These were taken my first week back at work.  I would wake up, take the boys to my mom's house, go to work, work until 3:30 and then fly to my mom's to pick them up.  Then we would come home, just the three of us (Josh had evening classes at WSU) and I would devour my time with them.  We would do tummy time, I would sing & sign with them, and get in all the snuggles I could before we had to start all over again the next day.  It was a very, very sad time in my life.  I hated being a working mommy. I hated leaving my heart at home to go to work. I hated being separated from my beautiful boys and I hated how depressed it made me.

I think God allowed me to happen upon these pictures for a reason.  Not only did Josh take a job in Alaska so he could teach, he took the job in Alaska so I could stay at home.  That is what we both wanted all along. 

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I also happened upon these photos of myself feeding the boys at my mom's house...

I thought feeding Wyatt felt easy, now I see why.  Whether breastfeeding Logan & Jack those first two weeks or bottle feeding them later, it was so much freaking work.  Now I just scoop Wyatt up & nurse him; scoop him up & change him; scoop him up & bathe him.  There's no rush, no other brother crying, waiting his turn.  Plus, he sleeps. Oh, how he sleeps. Last night he slept 11:30pm to 5:00am.  I was so happy (& engorged!) when I woke up.  It's no wonder I am healing so quickly.  I never slept like that after we brought the twins home from the hospital!

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Last night I sat nursing Wyatt, praying for the twins in the other room, and just couldn't believe that I have three little boys.  I am a mom. Josh & I have the family I always dreamed we would. As much as him leaving in five weeks is killing me, I'm also finding myself so grateful for everything we have.  Each other, mostly.  And our children.  And our story.  It's a beautiful one.

Boy meets girl.

Girl falls in love.

Boy proposes.

Girl says yes.

Boy & girl are wed.

College, her. College, him.

Pregnant! Twins!!

Girl {finally} gets to stay home.

Pregnant! Little brother!

Boys' career dream comes true with an Alaska adventure.

I can't wait to see what life holds next for us.

"Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it." 

-Mary Oliver