loved ones

I sit tonight in a new room, with fresh paint on the walls and a sense of peace I haven't known since July.  My boys are tucked cozily into their bunk beds in the room next door, dreaming away.  The baby is in his bassinet, swaddled, humming softly to the music playing from my blog. And downstairs my husband is playing the Wii with his brother.

It is so good to see him with his family again. You can see it in everyone-- the joy at his presence.  He is so loved by these people; his parents, his siblings... He & Samuel cracking "That's what she said" jokes & giving each other (or me) a hard time.

And to see him with the boys-our boys- words can't describe the emotions that run through me as I watch those three together.  For the first two days he was here, any time he wasn't in the same room as us, the boys would ask if he had gone back to Alaska. I had to keep telling them Daddy won't leave until we take him to the airport & say good-bye. They are loving wrestling with him, reading stories with him & getting to laugh with him.  Jack is hating getting reprimanded by Daddy. He is desperate to make Josh happy.  Logan takes the discipline better, but is also striving to make Josh proud, asking repeatedly, "Are you proud of me, Daddy?"  And as for me,  I am loving his help. With the move, with the boys, with the baby. It's amazing how much calmer I feel with him around.

He helped so much with the move, packing & sorting. As well as shipping at the post office (36 boxes $943 later, we are done!) a Goodwill run & putting ads for what's left on Craigslist. All things I would have had to do on my own had he not showed up. I am loving his assistance.

I am also loving falling asleep to the hum of his snoring, his body warm next to mine; driving in the car, holding his hand; and walking into the bathroom after his shower & smelling his cologne.  It all feels too good to be true.

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We're here, together. We are officially moved in with his parents. Josh hasn't lived here for 10 years (since he was 18) and it's been a surprisingly smooth transition. Josh's mom emptied two entire rooms for us, and his brother helped us move our belongings.  Falling asleep the first night here was so easy. Knowing that Josh, his parents and his brother were all here gave me a sense of shared responsibility.  Like this morning Josh's mom watched the twins so I could take a shower. A real shower. Not scrubbing as fast as humanly possible while screaming at the boys to quit playing "fight game". And she has been doing our laundry. And the dishes.  Plus, she & Carl bought a ton of groceries just for the boys & I.  I feel so blessed. To have help. To have family.  I am hoping this will aid in lessening the blow when Josh leaves on Saturday.

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On top of help from our families, people have been so happy for us. It's so lovely. To be wished well by everyone around.  Other moms at pre-school were overjoyed to meet Josh, to see our boys reunited with their Daddy.  And my friends (in real life & on Facebook or the blog) have had nothing but wonderful things to say about his surprise arrival. So far, being 29 rocks!

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This year as I head into Thanksgiving, I find that there are not any physical things I am thankful for.
I am grateful simply for loved ones.

• For my husband. I love him. He loves me. We were MFEO.
• For my children. They keep me busy & smiling, just like they're supposed to.
• For my sister. We are super close right now, and I am loving that.
• For my parents. They have been willing to do anything for us lately, and it means a lot.
• For Josh's parents. Their generosity has been awe inspiring.  We are so lucky to have them.
• For Josh's sister Julie. She has been such a rock for me during Josh's absence. Love her.
• For the boys' pre-school teachers who love my boys & make my life easier 3x a week.
• For my grandparents. Grandma has listened as I've cried & assured me all will end well.
• For my friends. Sis D & Annie. I love you girls.
• For God. For always having my back.