in good spirits

 Today was a good day.  A very good day.  I woke up and sent my husband to work in severe weather, the wind sounding like a jet outside our bedroom window all night long, and then snuggled with my baby boy on the couch while we watched Super Why collect Super letters.  I listened as the twins shouted out letters that just six months ago, they didn't know and felt proud of myself.
I taught them that.

I sent Josh happily on his way to work (despite the weather) because Randy is back in town, which means Josh isn't the principal anymore, which means I have my husband back and my children will have their father back.  

It is stressful when he's top dog.  He has to be available all hours, and works super long days, which means that I, in turn, work super long days. Despite the happy send off and the good day, I couldn't help feeling a bit bummed.

I am going to admit something here. 

Those who read my Babyham Blessings blog already know it.

I failed.

 I set a goal, and I didn't reach it. 

And I haven't figured out yet what I have learned from this, but Barb Miller, who has a heart that beats in tune with mine, inspired me onward.  She reminded me:

"Grace doesn't take away all of our problems, but they no longer define us."

And tonight, I've decided that I may have failed, but I am not a failure.

I did eight hundred things right the last three days. And while working out is not one of them, I am still worthy. I still have value.  I still can claim success... in other areas at least.

I colored with Jack tonight, showing him how to draw snakes and tigers and monkeys for his jungle picture.  I cut all three boys hair (while I was here by myself) and they look oh-so handsome.  I made tacos for my husband for dinner, and changed all the sheets in the house.

 I tidied the playroom, wiped down the kitchen table and folded blankets.  I did pre-school with the twins, where they showed me the numbers they know, wrote V's until their hands hurt, and Jack showed me he could write "SUN" all by himself.  I spelled C-U-N-N-I-N-G-H-A-M over and over so they could practice their middle last name, and also spelled M-O-V-I-E for Logan so he could know how to say it to me without Wyatt knowing what we're talking about.  I cleaned glasses, calmed tempers and disciplined behavior.

I enjoyed chicken salad with the lettuce & tomatoes Josh found at the store on Sunday (!!!) while reading The Hunger Games (!!!), and finally printed pictures to send to my grandma with the new ink refills that came. 

There is much left to do: cleaning the bathrooms, sweeping upstairs, updating the boys' memory calendars, redoing my phone book and finishing my frozen Span Alaska order... But for today, I got a lot done.  And most importantly, I was a good mom.  I maintained my temper, enjoyed snuggles and made time for them.

And because of that, it was a good day.

Even if I didn't do my workout.

"Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits."

-Robert Louis Stevenson

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I think I forget sometimes that what I do here matters.  It often takes reading something like this to remind me.  I am grateful for such reminders, because being a mom is hard. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. Being isolated in the middle of nowhere is hard.  Taking care of littles is hard.

It's important to remember that it won't always be like this.
Someday working out won't be such a challenge time-wise.
Someday getting enough sleep won't be a constant battle.
Someday making time for me won't feel as selfish.

But for now, I am going to do what I need to do to take care of these wonderful little boys.  If that means working out, great, but if it doesn't, I am not going to beat myself up about it.