Brightness of Hope

I am sick.

Really sick.  

I have been sick since Friday, and on Sunday & Monday it got really intense.

Today, miraculously, has been better.  (But perhaps only because I haven't eaten anything.)

But I am still scared.  I afraid of not getting better or worse. I am afraid of having to fly to Anchorage for medical care (by myself!) and afraid of leaving Josh and the boys.  I have never traveled by myself from the village before. 

{Logan}

I am afraid this is a complication from the medication I took when I had my wisdom teeth out.  I am bummed that I was supposed to start homeschooling today and couldn't.  I am grateful we have a clinic, and that I got some good medical advice from the on-call doctor in Anchorage.

{Sweet Aaliyah}

I hate being sick. I don't handle it well.  My anxiety always gets the best of me, and I start imagining horrific outcomes. I am also prone to googling.  The mix of medical advice from Google and my anxiety is not a good one.

{Jack}

I need to be well. I want to be well. I want to be able to take care of Josh and the boys' needs, as well as our house. And I have not been able to do that. It's all I can do to get through the day.  

{Sadie, our neighbor's dog}

I have broken down in tears too many times to count. I hate how the fear takes over my mind and my body.  I start shaking and can't clear my mind of all the worry.

Today I messaged a handful of friends asking for prayer.  I myself can't get through this. 

I need your help. 

I need your prayers.  If you have a moment, will you lift me up?  Will you ask God to grant me peace and heal my body? It would mean so much to me.

{Wyatt with Thumper, the neighbor's other dog}

This afternoon I was reading a link from Liz (Josh's cousin's wife) about God and motherhood.  

There was a quote in the last paragraph that struck me.

"Rely on Him.  Rely on Him heavily... and press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope."

As I {hopefully} continue to get better, I am going to attempt to talk back to my negative thoughts and have about me a brightness of hope.  I am going to tell myself that the tasks seem daunting now, but once I am well, they will be far less intimidating.

This journey toward getting well would be all the brighter if you would join me. 

Thank you for your love & well wishes.  

I need them now more than ever.