hello friend

Let's have a cup of coffee together.  Come in, kick off your shoes and curl up on the opposite end of the couch with me. It's getting cold here, so be sure to wear your wool socks.  I'll pour us each a cup, and we can catch up.

I feel like the blog has been a whirlwind of activity the last month, 
so I'm happy to have the chance to finally really sit down and chat.

Wanna come in the playroom for a sec, actually? 
I got the new rug I ordered from Target and I am so in love with it!  
Isn't it cute?

Moving back to the couch... 

I have been working on some goals for September, the ones I posted on the blog, remember?  They're going really well.  I am down to four books.  I finished the boys' reading curriculum and just today finished Falling Together by Marisa de los Santos.  I liked it, but I have to say Belong To Me was better.  

Now I am working to finish How Children Learn by John Holt.  I am determined after that to finish The Great Influenza, which I am half way through, and which is, I must say, the biggest novel I have read since college!

The reading has helped with going to bed on time. The first week, I was going to bed really well. Upstairs at 9, asleep by 10pm.  The kids have been sleeping through the night, which is a miracle, and bedtime has been really smooth for them, too.  I am so grateful to have them sleeping.  It's been years since I slept through the night.  

But this weekend I slipped back into my old habits and went to bed too late.  But I'm not letting a little backsliding get me down. I am determined to keep going to bed early.  Getting enough sleep makes me such a pleasant mom and human being.  

Lately I have been having really intense dreams.  Last week I dreamed I lived in a halfway house with other women.  They were all struggling to pull their lives together, and the worst part was we all six had to share one bathroom!  

Then last night I dreamed that I couldn't sit in a row with the twins and hold Wyatt in my lap on the airplane.  He had to sit with a stranger, far away from me.  I was so upset. I just wanted him in.my.arms.

School for the twins has been going really well. I can't believe it's only been one week. We are in such a great groove, it feels like we've been at it forever.  They are loving the reading and the math.  I am enjoying Calendar time and read-aloud.  Wyatt joins us for calendar and I say "Criss cross applesauce, hands in your lap" to encourage the boys to have a seat.  He goes, "Applesauce, mom!" all proud of himself for sitting right.  

I have also been reading the twins chapter books during Wyatt's nap, which all three of us love.  Right now we're working our way through our collection of Junie B. Jones books. She is hilarious and they are right up the boys' alley.

I am really happy with how everything came together when I organized all our school stuff.  The new bookshelves make access to all of it so convenient.  I feel like when I ask the boys to do quiet activities, choosing is a lot easier now than it used to be for them.  Anything that makes quiet activity time simpler makes this mama happy!

Even though things are going really well (school... the house... sleep...) I must admit that I am still reeling from that awful bout of anxiety I just survived.  I find myself talking back to my thoughts a lot. 

 Logan had a fever today.  No other symptoms.  He has cancer, my internal voice whispered this morning. No. Nope. We're not going there, I said back.  That's how it is. One minute I am fine, the next a completely unreasonable thought enters my head. It's my job to talk back. To shut the fear down. It is exhausting.

But I do find that it's working. I am having less negative thoughts.  Less panic.  No heart palpitations.  And no tears.  I feel so grateful.  I am euphoric in the absence of it.  Feeding my kids, bathing them, putting them bed. Doing these ordinary, everyday things feels so good.  I am so happy.

We've been home a month now and while I am mourning summer's end, I am excited about fall and the coming holidays.  This little guy has grown so much in the last month. Everyday he is losing more of his baby chubs, and while I know I'm lucky they stuck around as long as they did, I am still sad about it!  He is looking more and more like a big boy, with an attitude to match.  "I do it myself, mom," he tells me.  I both love and hate it.

Well, it's 8:57am, and school starts at 9am, so I better let you go start your day.  
I hope it's a good one.
Thanks for the chat.  

1 comment:

Cindy said...

I understand what you are saying about your anxiety and unreasonable thoughts. I don't deal with it myself but 2 of my 3 kids (young adults,now) deal with it. It is exhausting,as they have told me more than once to always beat back those thoughts. We have dealt with it for about 10 years with them.