Peaceful Parenting (+ Peaceful Life)

For me February has been January.

Which of course makes no sense.

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It's just that in January I was pretty busy trying to get well.

So I did that work.

And now that it's February, and I'm feeling a bit better,

I'm pretending it's January, and doing all that 

"new-year cleaning/organizing/taking-back-the-house" 

stuff that is normally reserved for the post-Christmas weeks.

It feels amazing.

Josh had Monday off, so this weekend felt particularly long and luxurious.

We had date night Friday; Saturday Social, Family Movie Night & Girls Night on Saturday; and then I spent Sunday cleaning/organizing/purging the entire upstairs; and Monday doing it downstairs.

I deep cleaned and reorganized my bedroom: the bookshelf, the closet, the bedside tables, the dresser, and my jewelry box.  I also deep cleaned and reorganized the bathroom: hello shiny shower, toothpaste-free sink and splatter-free mirror!  And I finished organizing the linen closet which has been a work in progress.  Opening that door to see all my supplies in orderly stacks and piles is a breath of fresh air!

I managed to sweep & vacuum downstairs, as well as clean the bathroom down there, and deep clean the kitchen.  The fridge even got a nice wipe down and is now sparkling.

The twins helped me tackle their bedroom, sweeping, dusting, washing sheets and folding laundry.  Later this week I plan to tackle their closet, which is overwhelmed with outgrown clothes and holiday decorations.

Along with the physical cleaning and organizing, I have been working to get everything floating around in my mind onto paper. Mostly to-do list items, things I need to buy (ie shoes for the boys and new pajamas for the twins), and a weekly dinner menu.  I have also been writing down what activities I want to do with the boys during school and nap time.

Another mental organization I've been working on is my Peaceful Parenting goals.  These are perhaps the most daunting, but also the most exciting, because the more I put into practice what I've read, the more I see improvements in my boys' behavior and in how I feel as a parent.

I've brought it back to basics with my goals, and I think that's a good place to start.  

1. Special Time

The book is a huge proponent of spending special time each day with each of your kids. It sounds like a no-brainer, but I have seen what a huge difference ten minutes of "mommy to myself" time can make in my boys.  One on one time as well as hugs, kisses, snuggles, lots of listening and attempting to linger at bedtime when I can, have all made me feel more connected to my boys and vice versa.

I also find that saying yes makes them happier with me. Yes to playing together; Yes to reading; Yes to long baths; Yes to helpers in the kitchen... Some days it's easier than others, but when I can say yes, I am trying to!

2.  Use Time-Ins

Instead of sending them to their room or timeout for misbehavior, they come sit on my lap and talk through their emotions while I guide them in their problem solving.  I really try to see things from their perspective.  I am often surprised at what all I learn about a situation I thought I saw clearly, but knew nothing about in reality.  For Logan especially, whose temper runs hot, these time-ins tend to calm him more effectively than sending him off to deal with his big, scary emotions on his own.

3. No Yelling

I have been telling the boys, "We use our words not our bodies, and we use our words kindly"... So I guess this goes for the mommy, too. I have had successful days, even some weeks, where I've not yelled, but I've also had days where an hour hasn't passed where I'm not spitting their name "LOGANHENRY!" out of my very mouth as they continually disobey me.

...which brings us to #4:

4.  Forgive mistakes

I am teaching the boys that if we make a mistake, it just means we get to try again.  So when I mess up and yell, or send them to timeout, I apologize and tell them I will keep trying to achieve my Kind Mommy goal.

The biggest part of this was accepting that I am their example, and when I lose my temper, I am showing them that that's how we handle our disappointment or frustration.  

I found this quote particularly inspiring for my journey:

"We can't expect our children to be what we are not." 

-Barbara Sorrels

5. Build jobs into their routine

Now that the twins are five, getting dressed, brushing their teeth independently, vacuuming the rug, clearing the table after meals and making their own beds have become part of their daily routine.  I hope to add more chores as their skills increase.  The book encourages you to make the children part of the family team, and to give them opportunities to feel capable & helpful.  It's been really great for both the boys and myself!

Peaceful parenting has not been an easy journey, and I am about to read the book again (for the third time!) so I can refresh my memory of all her tips & advice, but it's one I can see paying off in how I feel at the end of a long day parenting these three boys.

Some days I forget that I had three kids in three years. That's something that not a lot of people do. And even less people do it on purpose. I am glad I have been able to cut myself some slack, but I am even more glad to have found a parenting method that puts my heart at ease and also sets the expectation for my boys to step up and be the kids I know they can be.  

Well, I am off to make some bread & tortillas for these boys who are eating me out of house & home!  Maybe in my next post I'll have some pictures of my newly clean/newly organized house!

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