The last few days I've been getting my life together-- crossing things off my to do list, prepping for our trip home, and feeling really on top of my game. It feels great.
I spent the weekend baking and cleaning, so I can spend the week with our boys, playing & teaching, which is just what we need. I am looking forward to a week of reading (The Last Letter From Your Lover), journaling and finishing up my second grade homeschool plan.
My faith has played a huge part in pulling myself together and carrying on despite any setbacks. Today when I feel anxiety rising up in my throat, I simply pray, "God grant me your peace." As my faith grows, my anxiety decreases. It's a beautiful thing.
The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith,
and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety."
I am also able, a few months out from my loss, to see that God has a plan. I may not know what it is, but all the challenges I face have a purpose. And that makes them a lot easier to bear.
As we close up what has been a tough year emotionally for me, I am feeling grateful for the journey we've been on. I know that I am stronger, and I believe our marriage is stronger, too. I am so thankful for Josh. For his understanding, his love and his support as I have mourned the loss of our two pregnancies and wondered at what the future may hold for us.
I am also eternally grateful for these three little boys. They are the company I keep, and they bring me such joy. On the days I am sad (like this morning when I realized I would have been 33 weeks pregnant today, had the first pregnancy stuck...) being surrounded by these fun, loud, rambunctious boys is the best medicine.