Today was hard. My Monday was awesome (zero screens, lots of chores accomplished, plus play time at the park & a delicious homemade dinner), so my Tuesday found it necessary to compensate by sucking.
It started rough. Seven hours of sleep, interrupted three times by boys at my bedside "needing" me. At 11:30, 2 and 5am. Ugh. Then it was fighting over the cat, school, boys wrestling, tending to a few business things (ie phone calls with bad customer service) and culminating with a trip to the park that ended with not one but two broken bikes.
We eventually got to the park, by god, but it was ugly. Logan blew a tire skidding (he's a little boy, he loves to skid-- what can I do?) and Wyatt's training wheels have lost the ability to be tightened, so they're all wonky and he couldn't keep his balance without whamming his knee on his handlebars... So we limped home from about half way to the park with two grumpy boys and a frustrated mom.
Bike issues are a bit of a trigger for me. I turn to my husband for all things mechanical and the bikes are no different. That's his area of expertise. So I am out of my field with these three bike-riding boys. We each got a drink of water at the house and set out again determined to make our way to the park, be it by foot, and I could feel the lump in my throat growing larger.
Before we hit the end of our street, the tears were streaming from under my sunglasses. They were a raging river I was powerless to stop. We got to the park where the boys immediately created some monster game on the slide and I found a spot in the shade to call my mom and cry.
I just miss him. I miss him all the time always. But it's especially hard when I need him. Today, I needed him. I needed him to say to me, "I got this babe" or "New tire? No biggie." I realize I could learn how to switch in a new tire, or replace an inner tube, but the point is just that I wish we were together. And that makes some days really hard.