I was on the phone with my mom this afternoon, crying. I am packing and it is slow going. I have four kids. And everyday they require my attention and my time. That alone is more than a full time job. Add to that all the paperwork for buying a house and moving north, as well as packing up all our earthly possessions, and you have the perfect storm.
I am so overwhelmed. I feel like I can barely keep afloat.
Between my high expectations of summer (which have not been met due to crummy weather and crummier tummy aches) and having a sleepless baby, I'm struggling with the day to day currently. I want so badly to meet all their needs. To say yes, to have fun, to listen to their stories, to be the one who tucks them in. I was telling my mom that I'm like a triage nurse, but all my patients need the exact same care. So where do you start? How do you keep up?
On top of that, once I decide whom to care for, I suffer from mom guilt for the child (or children) who had to wait. I knew that four kids would be hard, but I had no idea it would be this hard. Somehow taking care of the boys and Carly feels like more than three plus one.
The comedian Jim Gaffigan said,
"You want to know what having a fourth child is like?
Imagine you're drowning...
And someone hands you a child."
He pretty much nailed it.