Today Logan & Jack turn nine years old. At 2:54 and 2:55pm, just before school lets out in the last days before summer, my wee babies that came into this world at just over 4lbs and just under 7lbs will turn nine years old. A few months from now, they will start fourth grade, and before I know it, they'll be heading towards their teenage years. I know how fast time will fly from now until then because it has flown just as fast from their birth until now.
I remember bringing them home, two babies in car seats, set on the living room floor amidst an avalanche of "baby crap" as my dad jokingly refers to all the things babies "need"-- a swing, a bouncer, a pack & play... Josh and I looked at each other from across the room and I think right there, in that solitary moment, the weight of responsibility we'd been given hit us. This was it. Parenting had started. And there was no stopping it now.
Things were harder then. So much harder. Night wakings and devastating spit ups after hour-long feedings; diaper changes and bottles to wash; laundry to fold and babies to bathe... Every bit of their survival was on our shoulders. Everyone promised me it would get easier. But to be honest, it was hard to believe.
But now, here I am. Nearly a decade into twin parenting, and it has gotten so.much.easier. Not only can they meet many of their own needs now (showering, dressing and eating independently), but they are able (and most of the time, willing) to help out with my and Josh's chores as well. They unload the dishwasher, help at the grocery store and are always willing to lend Josh a hand in the yard. They watch the baby, assist with dinner, and do the cat box. They make their beds, brush their own teeth and help make sure we're out the door on time everyday for school.
I am so grateful for them, for the journey we've taken, for the growing up we've done, side by side, with them getting bigger (and more independent) and me getting (figuratively) smaller (allowing that independence). It's not easy, watching them grow...
Wondering when the last time was that one of them crawled into bed with me at night. Wondering when was the last time they called me "Mommy". Wondering what it is about this stage that I'll one day miss...
But it's also refreshing. Instead of being so exhausted by meeting all their needs, I am able to enjoy them. Instead of holding them back, keeping them safe, guarding their lives, I am letting them go, watching them fly, seeing them soar.
I get to witness as they fight through their struggles, and as they discover their strengths. I have watched their relationship grow, stretch and change this year, as they've gone to public school, made different friends and discovered different hobbies. As hard as it is to watch your babies grow, seeing them come into their own is like a birth in itself. I feel so privileged to be here, walking alongside them as they figure out what it is they want out of life.
Logan & Jack,
I love you more than all the grains of sand on every beach.
You are wonderful, funny, kind, smart, hard working boys,
and your dad and I are so proud of who you are and who we can already see you becoming.