around here: week 36 2020

"It is a serious thing 

just to be alive

on this fresh morning

in this broken world."

-Mary Oliver

Giving up... Grey's Anatomy as I found myself pondering whether it's a good show for me to watch given my health anxiety.  I love the show... but I love my sanity more. So for now, I am shelving it. I am going to rewatch all of When Calls the Heart so that I can watch Seasons 6 & 7, which are new to me!

Reading... Gifts of Imperfect Parenting, The Perfect Couple and Forget Me Not.  The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting was a good read, but the Power of Vulnerability was better.  The Perfect Couple has been a great Hilderbrand summer read (of course!) and Forget Me Not I read in one day! It was a super good YA that I enjoyed. 

Cultivating... art in the kids, per Brene Brown's advice.  Trying to let them paint and draw (despite the mess!) to their little heart's content! 

Loving... the boys playing Brawlhalla together on the PS4. There was so much laughter coming from that room. Mama heart full. 

Suffering... bad anxiety.  Thankfully my sister helped me through, encouraging me to call my doctor to increase my Prozac and get a refill of my as-needed meds. (I take Ativan) The doctor approved both (thank goodness!) and I was able to start them right away. I am proud of how quickly I respond to my mental health needs now. Years ago (when we lived in Alaska) it would take me a long time to acknowledge how bad things were or that I needed help.  Now I am much more likely to reach out and to try things to get better faster. 

Scheduling... Josh's vasectomy for the beginning of November. My IUD will hit Year #5 in February and need to come out, so we are going for the permanence of a vasectomy. In some ways it's hard to believe my baby-bearing days are over, but in other ways, I am loving this stage of life so much, I can't imagine it any other way. So I feel confident that we are done and that this is the right choice. Thanks for taking one for the team, Josh!

Picking... flowers from our yard with Carly and feeling blown away by the variety of color and beauty we have grown in this yard in only one year. I can't wait to see what next year holds!!

Doing... load after load of laundry.  Whooo! Getting the boys to do their own laundry is definitely up next on the list of things to teach them. They throw their own loads in occasionally, but rarely switch it and don't know exactly how to put in soap and start it up. I think that will be one of my fall goals. 

Packing... for Vancouver and feeling blown away by how much the kids are able to help now compared to years past. Even Carly can go run little errands and grab things for me as I'm packing. It's basically awesome. 

Grateful... that Samuel showed up to help load the car and drive us to Othello to meet Josh after work, and that our subsequent drive to Vancouver was so smooth and fast.  We only stopped once for dinner and to use the bathroom (the same stop!) and we were back on the road so quick!! We did, however notice lots of smoke throughout the gorge from fires in and around Washington and Oregon. Made the sun look super orange.

Enjoying... a day to myself while Josh took the kids to play with their cousins at his sister's house. I spent some time visiting with my parents; journaling and reading.  It was really good to take some time to write, spilling all my feelings onto those pages and catching up.  The quiet time does wonders for my anxiety.  I also made some lists of how I want the fall to look, for both myself and the kids, and I feel a lot more prepared for what's to come. 

Thankful... that my mom took Logan for some one on one time to the Nike Outlet and out for dinner at Red Lobster (and even bought me shoes!!) and that the rest of us had fun while they were gone. Dallas and Bri stopped by, spoiling us with art supplies for the boys and a new sequin stuffed animal for Carly; and Isaiah stopped by with a surprise gift for Wyatt- he gave him his old xbox! Wyatt was literally speechless! It was so sweet!

Comforting... Carly as she was sad that I'm still reading the boys their chapter book. (Josh and I take turns putting Carly to bed and putting the boys to bed.  Right now he is putting Carly to bed and I am putting the boys to bed after I read to them from our readaloud chapter book- The Insignificant Events in the Life of a Cactus) We are really enjoying the book, but I will be glad when it's my turn to sing Carly to sleep again. She's such a sweetheart. 

***

"She was powerful,

not because she wasn't scared,

but because she went on so strongly

despite the fear."

-Harper Lee

***

The Twins' Twelfth Birthday

 ... And just like that the twins are twelve.

{2008}

{2020}

 We've been parenting for a dozen years. 

{first trip to the pumpkin patch}

***

I am not one of those moms who easily envisions the future. So today when I was getting ready for the day as Jack played Fortnite in my reading chair in my room, I thought, "I never imagined I'd like my kids so much as they got older." Like, he's pretty cool.  

I mean, sure they drive me nuts.  Especially the twins.  (oh the fighting and the competing and the arguing! gah!) But they are really good people.  They are kind and thoughtful.  They are funny and compassionate.  They are sweet and silly.  They are just... well, kind of awesome.  And I love that.  They are helpful and empathetic and never want to see another person in pain or upset. 

Basically, they're the kind of humans I want to be around. And that's pretty great. 

For their birthday they chose some things and put them in the Amazon cart. That's how Coronavirus Birthdays are happening around here. Hah.  "Whaddya want kid?" So I wrapped the gifts that rolled in, some are still coming later this week, and then Josh surprised them (and me!) when he said they could download Fortnite (something we haven't allowed up to now) since they are twelve now.

Their faces! (The first pic in this post is of their expressions when they heard the news!)

He told them that whether they get to keep this privilege is up to their behavior, but I have a feeling it won't be a problem. With quarantine, we've been doing a fair amount of screens, and they haven't really had a problem whenever I say it's time to stop. I give them ample warning when we are quitting, and they know they'll get more time again soon, so I'm hopeful it will be fine. Plus, they are motivated to keep this new liberty they've been given.  We shall see.

 My sister and I planned the day over a week ago, deciding to keep it a surprise.  My boys thought they might spend the day out at the land with Josh, and knew for sure we'd have pizza and a movie for family movie night since it's Saturday.  But instead, at around 11:30, the doorbell rang.  The twins answered it, and there sat two presents, wrapped so cute, sitting on the porch.  

The boys ran toward the street as my sister and her crew popped out from beside the garage yelling, "Surprise!" and "Happy Birthday!" The kids all hugged and I held Grady back from attacking everyone- we were all SO excited to have company over. 

They came in and got settled and played for a bit, then we had lunch.  After lunch the twins got to use their birthday gifts from my sister- new squirt guns and 420 water balloons (the kind that are self filling/self tying from Costco).  We went out to "watch the water gun fight" that we assumed would be between the cousins, only to be accosted by our own offspring and end up SOAKING wet.  It was hilarious and maybe the most fun I have had since March.  My throat hurts from screaming. Hahaha!

The twins said it was the highlight of their day.

Once we all dried off, I frosted cupcakes and we sang happy birthday to the oldest two in our crew.  Carly played the ukulele and Jack blew out his candles one by one as we sang.  Logan saved all twelve until the end.  I'm not sure what they wished for... but I hope that their dreams come true.

After cupcakes and ice cream, we played a little more, and then Roxanne and her kiddos had to hit the road for home.  We sadly said our goodbyes, but promised our kids we would be getting together again soon. Very soon!

Before we knew it, Josh got home with Call of the Wild (the boys and I finished reading the book yesterday) and the pizza ingredients we needed and we started movie night.  The kids really enjoyed comparing the movie and the book, and the food was all delish.  

Overall, I would say it was a delightful birthday for the boys, despite it being a strange year, what with Coronavirus and everything.  They got cards from my Grandma with some money inside and from their Grandma & Papa Cunningham as well.  They felt very loved and thought of, and ended the night with big smiles on their faces after playing football with their dad and staying up extra late playing Fortnite, a big deal around here, as we're usually really strict about bedtime. 

I am ending the night feeling so grateful my sister made the effort to bring all four of her kiddos over,  it really made the day; and so grateful for the little family Josh and I created, starting with the surprise of these twins.

 They've never stopped helping me grow, challenging me and fascinating me.

I feel so lucky to be their mom.

***