around here: week 19 2021

 {May 9-15th}

{Carly picked her own clothes}

Taking... pictures of the twins with Josh at their baseball game this week (which my parents attended- thanks mom & dad!) and feeling shocked at how big they are.  They truly have gone from boys to men it feels like this year (at least physically) and it constantly surprises me.  

Going... to the eye doctor again this week, only this time with the twins, for yearly exams and new glasses.  I am always shocked at how fast and easy it is now compared to when they were younger and I had Carly in a stroller, etc.  

Catching... Wyatt stacking all.over.the.place! He stacked all the cream of his tiny oreos; hot wheels in the bathroom, and cups in the kitchen.  The kid is a stacking fool!

Grateful... that Josh and I both put each other first.  Every morning I wake up and make his salad for his lunch, and he makes the bed for me.  It's a really nice way to start the day being there for each other and making each other feel cared for. 

Grocery shopping... for the first time in forever (Josh has been doing it since COVID) and realizing after Carly and I pulled up to the checkout that we were going to need a second cart once it was all bagged.  Thankfully Carly is up to anything, and despite not being able to see over the cart, she helped me push that second cart all the way to the van.  She's awesome! (Next week, however, I will be going on a day when the twins are home and one of them can come with me! Hah!)

Enjoying... our first watermelon of the season which delighted Carly to no end! 

Taking... care of myself this week by attending counseling (Yay for DoctoronDemand!) and my follow up CPAP appointment to check in on how my sleep & breathing are doing. 

Facetiming... with my sister and niece and just feeling so grateful they are in my life.  My sister is a lifeline and Romy is simply a delight.  She is funny and articulate and demanding and sweet, and all of it together just makes her the most fun!

Listening... to "Learning To Let You Go" by JJ Heller on Youtube music, and crying every time it comes on. "Growing up is hard to do.  I know because I'm growing up with you."

"You were never mine to keep. You were always just on loan.

So have a little patience with me, cause I'm learning to let you go."

Signing... Carly up for her very own library card this week after visiting there to check out some books (in person! finally!) She was so proud, writing her little name on the back, and checking out her own stack, it was a moment for this book-loving mama for sure!

Attending... a Prayer Writing course via Mine To Tell (Ashmae & Kathy are the best, most encouraging coaches) and deciding that I need more writing in my life.  So I signed up for their yearlong program where we meet and are encouraged to write every Tuesday & Thursday (via zoom).  I am so excited to get some of the stories in my head out and on paper.  It has me feeling very excited for the future.  

Buying... a Venus fly trap when I saw them at the grocery store.  We had one growing up, and I remember being fascinated by the idea of a carnivorous plant. So the kids have been catching ants to feed it and watching videos about Venus Fly Trap's on youtube. 

Cheering... at Wyatt's game with all the other parents and feeling so lucky that this amazing kid is mine.  There's something about Wyatt that people are attracted to.  I don't know if it's his humility, his humor or his wisdom, but at his game this week, he got a hit, made it to first, and then STOLE second (!!!) AND third (!!!).  After he crossed home plate, he held both hands up in the air and did a little dance- it was SO joyful and SO adorable.  Hearing the entire crowd cheering his name just made me feel so special to be his mom. 

Sending... the kids to spend the day with my parents Saturday and feeling so excited that it unexpectedly turned into a sleepover! It was the first time Josh and I have been home alone in our house ever! 

While they were gone, we went on a double date with Josh's brother Samuel and his girlfriend Makayla.  We went to the grand opening of a new Mexican food restaurant one town over, and there was even a live mariachi band. It was the best time, and the food was great! So much fun!

Writing... daily in my gratitude journal (see photo above of my grat. journal with Josh and the twins at their game) and feeling so grateful that I started this habit back in January.  It reminds me to see the good and record it.  Some days it's hard, but every day it's good. 

Loving... the new shoes my mom bought me (the black ones pictured above- they are SO comfortable, cute and can be dressed up or down) and the new {to me} shoes that my friend passed to me.  New shoes are so fun. 

***

This quote by Russell M. Nelson spoke to me this week as I struggled with schooling the boys at home:

"The road ahead may be bumpy
but our destination is serene and secure.
So fasten your seatbelt,
hang on through the bumps,
and do what's right.
Your reward will be eternal."

-Russell M. Nelson

Around Here: Week 43 2020

 {October 18-24th}

{My mom & my older brother Dalton}

{My grandpa getting his chemo}

{note the high heels}

Welcoming... Josh home after he was gone all weekend working at my grandparent's house. It was so kind of him and his brother to do all that work for Grandma Pansy & Grandpa Jerry, and I really appreciated him being my hands while I am able to do so little to help them. 

Grateful... that Grandpa's second chemo treatment went really well, and he isn't suffering any side effects or anything other than tiredness.  It's such a blessing. Also a blessing that they can get the treatment in a neighboring town. They don't have to go all the way to Portland to get it each week. 

Enduring... Carly waking every night at least once a night. It is just exhausting. But it's also bittersweet because I know that this phase won't last forever, and soon I won't have any kids waking me up at night regularly.  So while I wears me out, I am also trying to cherish it. I feel like that balancing act in itself sums up motherhood.  Trying to enjoy it while not letting it kill you.

Washing... dishes for dayssssss when I didn't do them the entire weekend Josh was gone. A lot of people asked why the kids don't help with the dishes, and please don't worry, they do.  But that weekend we were on the go and then just relaxing, so we just never got to them.  And by the time I needed to face them, it was a bit overwhelming of a task to lay on the boys, so I did them myself. But the twins do dishes a lot, and Josh cooks or does the dishes pretty much every single night. I am very lucky!  (But I do need to get better at adding paper plates to my regular grocery list. Hah!)

Laughing... when Carly showed up downstairs in a dress up dress and crown and demanded that I "bow at her".  (For those wondering, I for sure bowed at her... I was a little afraid of what might happen if I didn't.)

Swearing... at the twins when they lost their shit over a zoom meeting I made them attend and wanting to just disappear Monday... They weren't listening; I had no patience; and together, we made school at home feel like hell on earth.  We are six weeks in, and still I am struggling.  They want to set the agenda for the day, or only do what the teacher says... but I am the adult in charge here, and reminding them of that constantly is getting quite old.  

So...

Grounding... the twins from their game consoles and all screens for the foreseeable future until they can say, "Okay mom" to whatever I ask without arguing or losing their minds.  While Josh was home, it was much less of a struggle to get them to listen, but now that he's at work everyday, I am feeling very on my own, and we had a bit of a "Come to Jesus".  All the things they have here in this house, are a privilege, and one they have to earn by doing their jobs- both chores around here and school.  So until they shape up, screens are out. 

Trading... screens for chores on Tuesday.  
The twins cleaned out the garage, weeded the yard and did multiple jobs in the house during what would normally have been their screen time. I am hopeful this motivates them to be more respectful of me.

Watching... When Calls The Heart, season by season, working my way toward the new seasons (6 & 7) that I bought on Amazon Prime.  I can't wait to see what the new seasons hold. 

Feeling... proud of the twins for pouring themselves into their NWEA testing (reading) on Thursday.  They both took their time and got scores that were right where they should be.  I'm always glad when their test scores reflect what they actually know.

Suffering... a migraine Friday and letting myself stay in bed. It meant the kids got more screen time than I would have liked (the twins earned theirs back with their good job/focus on the NWEA) but when I have a migraine, it's about survival. 

Removing... Carly's pink booster seat from her kitchen table chair.  I don't know what it is, that she's my last, or maybe that I only have a few things left from her infancy & toddlerhood, but moving on from those baby items is super hard for my heart.  

We sold her bike trailer because she can ride a bike with training wheels now.  We gave her tricycle to my niece.  She no longer wears diapers or bibs, never took a bottle or a binky, and I have her stroller, but I know that I won't ever use it again. I just haven't bit the bullet and gotten rid of it yet. 

So unbuckling that tiny chair from her seat before dinner this week felt monumental.  

She will be five in two months. Five. I can't even believe it. 

And even though it's going too fast, and I want to slow time down, I also wouldn't trade it for anything. Watching her grow up is my greatest joy. 

So very bittersweet. 

Enjoying... book club which met via Zoom this week to discuss our book, Lila by Marilynne Robinson. The discussion went from distance learning to the book to our value as women, and what impacts our self esteem and our self worth. It is just so good for my soul to spend time with those women.  They all understand my role as wife and mother, and they understand the demands placed on my shoulders.  They are so kind and good to me (and each other) and they have been a super bright spot throughout quarantine.  I love you Legenda Ladies!!!

Reading... The Body Keeps Score (which is a slow read that I want to fully absorb before rushing to the next chapter) and Leave The World Behind, which is a page turner from Book of the Month.  Seriously, I was dying to find out what happens in Leave The World Behind. (But, semi-spoiler-alert, I was not pleased with the ending of LTWB at all!)

Seeing... the pic of my older brother and my mom sharing one last dinner before she moves away (from him, but closer to me & my sister!) made me tear up. I am so grateful that they were able to do that, and I just love my brother. 

Falling... head over heels for the tree in front of our house. It is the most beautiful color in October, and it feels like a gift.  It always makes me think of Anne of Green Gables saying, "I'm so glad I live in a world with Octobers." 

***