Around Here: Week 43 2020

 {October 18-24th}

{My mom & my older brother Dalton}

{My grandpa getting his chemo}

{note the high heels}

Welcoming... Josh home after he was gone all weekend working at my grandparent's house. It was so kind of him and his brother to do all that work for Grandma Pansy & Grandpa Jerry, and I really appreciated him being my hands while I am able to do so little to help them. 

Grateful... that Grandpa's second chemo treatment went really well, and he isn't suffering any side effects or anything other than tiredness.  It's such a blessing. Also a blessing that they can get the treatment in a neighboring town. They don't have to go all the way to Portland to get it each week. 

Enduring... Carly waking every night at least once a night. It is just exhausting. But it's also bittersweet because I know that this phase won't last forever, and soon I won't have any kids waking me up at night regularly.  So while I wears me out, I am also trying to cherish it. I feel like that balancing act in itself sums up motherhood.  Trying to enjoy it while not letting it kill you.

Washing... dishes for dayssssss when I didn't do them the entire weekend Josh was gone. A lot of people asked why the kids don't help with the dishes, and please don't worry, they do.  But that weekend we were on the go and then just relaxing, so we just never got to them.  And by the time I needed to face them, it was a bit overwhelming of a task to lay on the boys, so I did them myself. But the twins do dishes a lot, and Josh cooks or does the dishes pretty much every single night. I am very lucky!  (But I do need to get better at adding paper plates to my regular grocery list. Hah!)

Laughing... when Carly showed up downstairs in a dress up dress and crown and demanded that I "bow at her".  (For those wondering, I for sure bowed at her... I was a little afraid of what might happen if I didn't.)

Swearing... at the twins when they lost their shit over a zoom meeting I made them attend and wanting to just disappear Monday... They weren't listening; I had no patience; and together, we made school at home feel like hell on earth.  We are six weeks in, and still I am struggling.  They want to set the agenda for the day, or only do what the teacher says... but I am the adult in charge here, and reminding them of that constantly is getting quite old.  

So...

Grounding... the twins from their game consoles and all screens for the foreseeable future until they can say, "Okay mom" to whatever I ask without arguing or losing their minds.  While Josh was home, it was much less of a struggle to get them to listen, but now that he's at work everyday, I am feeling very on my own, and we had a bit of a "Come to Jesus".  All the things they have here in this house, are a privilege, and one they have to earn by doing their jobs- both chores around here and school.  So until they shape up, screens are out. 

Trading... screens for chores on Tuesday.  
The twins cleaned out the garage, weeded the yard and did multiple jobs in the house during what would normally have been their screen time. I am hopeful this motivates them to be more respectful of me.

Watching... When Calls The Heart, season by season, working my way toward the new seasons (6 & 7) that I bought on Amazon Prime.  I can't wait to see what the new seasons hold. 

Feeling... proud of the twins for pouring themselves into their NWEA testing (reading) on Thursday.  They both took their time and got scores that were right where they should be.  I'm always glad when their test scores reflect what they actually know.

Suffering... a migraine Friday and letting myself stay in bed. It meant the kids got more screen time than I would have liked (the twins earned theirs back with their good job/focus on the NWEA) but when I have a migraine, it's about survival. 

Removing... Carly's pink booster seat from her kitchen table chair.  I don't know what it is, that she's my last, or maybe that I only have a few things left from her infancy & toddlerhood, but moving on from those baby items is super hard for my heart.  

We sold her bike trailer because she can ride a bike with training wheels now.  We gave her tricycle to my niece.  She no longer wears diapers or bibs, never took a bottle or a binky, and I have her stroller, but I know that I won't ever use it again. I just haven't bit the bullet and gotten rid of it yet. 

So unbuckling that tiny chair from her seat before dinner this week felt monumental.  

She will be five in two months. Five. I can't even believe it. 

And even though it's going too fast, and I want to slow time down, I also wouldn't trade it for anything. Watching her grow up is my greatest joy. 

So very bittersweet. 

Enjoying... book club which met via Zoom this week to discuss our book, Lila by Marilynne Robinson. The discussion went from distance learning to the book to our value as women, and what impacts our self esteem and our self worth. It is just so good for my soul to spend time with those women.  They all understand my role as wife and mother, and they understand the demands placed on my shoulders.  They are so kind and good to me (and each other) and they have been a super bright spot throughout quarantine.  I love you Legenda Ladies!!!

Reading... The Body Keeps Score (which is a slow read that I want to fully absorb before rushing to the next chapter) and Leave The World Behind, which is a page turner from Book of the Month.  Seriously, I was dying to find out what happens in Leave The World Behind. (But, semi-spoiler-alert, I was not pleased with the ending of LTWB at all!)

Seeing... the pic of my older brother and my mom sharing one last dinner before she moves away (from him, but closer to me & my sister!) made me tear up. I am so grateful that they were able to do that, and I just love my brother. 

Falling... head over heels for the tree in front of our house. It is the most beautiful color in October, and it feels like a gift.  It always makes me think of Anne of Green Gables saying, "I'm so glad I live in a world with Octobers." 

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Around Here: Week 18 2020

 

 

Starting... the week with a terrible migraine on Sunday and suffering a migraine hangover on Monday.  It was so miserable. I had to ice on Sunday and didn't get any of the things done that I had hoped to. The rest of the week my head ached off and on. 

Joyful... that the ukulele that the kids got from my Grandma Pansy came.  It's blue and so cute.  They love it.  Logan learned how to play in fourth grade with his music teacher, and he's looking forward to brushing up again now that we have one here.  The other kids want to learn as well.  My personal favorite is watching Carly play- she closes her eyes and you can tell, she really feels the music. It's so precious.

Finding... my keys that Logan lost while getting the mail a few weeks ago.  It happened sort of by luck- Logan mentioned to our neighbor that he had lost them, and Jaime said that he had seen some keys with a pink keychain posted on Facebook as found. Turns out, one of our neighbors had found them and picked them up near the mailbox.  I was overjoyed to have located them.  It saved us so much work- getting a new key fob for the van, new house keys, a new mail key, etc.  So grateful for good people!

Sewing... all the things while sitting at the table while the kids did school work this week.  I sewed two of Carly's stuffed animals, one of Jack's sweaters, and Wyatt's blanket. It felt great to fix things with my own two hands. 

Hanging... my art as soon as it came this week and feeling so happy I spent the money on it. Every time I look at it, it makes me smile and reminds me that no matter what's going on in the world around us, we can control what happens in our home.  We can keep this a beautiful place, full of light & love, and that feels pretty good.

Struggling... with my emotions for most of the week.  It was like I hit a wall- six weeks doing just fine and then BAM! I was grouchy, irritable and impatient. It wasn't good. For any of us.

Breaking... down Wednesday when I woke up with a sinus headache and felt like I just couldn't face another day with a headache.  I cried (and cried and cried) for over an hour that morning, the tears just continually flowing, like a faucet that had been left on. 
Every emotion that had built up for the last 40+ days came spilling out and when my tears finally dried up, I felt so much lighter.  I guess I just needed a good cry.

Sleeping... all night long Wednesday night and waking up early Thursday morning for some "me time".  I listened to the Holderness family podcast about change and why we might be experiencing a roller coaster of emotions (sometimes in a five minute span) when it comes to quarantine life, and I felt so heard and validated.
I also think I zeroed in on two of the most important things for my  mental health right now: sleep and alone time. So I am going to make sure those happen next week so that I can come at life from a more even place.

Coloring... my "We Can Do Hard Things" printable (that I got free from Glennon Doyle's Untamed website) with the kids.  While we were coloring Jack asked me if a grey crayon was pink.  Sometimes their colorblindness takes me by surprise (his and Logan's).  I just wish for two minutes I could look through their eyes and see what they see!!
When we finish our coloring pages, I plan to hang them in our front window for the neighbors to see when they walk by our house. A little encouragement for all of us to get through our days.

Placing... flowers from Logan & Carly into a vase in the kitchen and smiling at them each day as I did the dishes.

Roasting... marshmallows for smores in our new fire pit (that Josh found at Costco).  We had so much fun, and the smores were delicious!  I think this is going to be a really fun activity for our family throughout the spring & summer.

Attending... book club via Zoom and catching up with my girls.  We discussed this month's book, Sweep, which I read super quick, and really enjoyed. I think it would make a good read aloud book for moms of middle school age kids.

Reading... The Untethered Soul, Who Was King Tut and Anne of Avonlea.  I started listening to Getting The Pretty Back by Molly Ringwald but quit when it started to feel  more like she was preaching at me (and making me feel really ugly and unsophisticated).  Not cool.
Anne of Avonlea has been a lovely escape.  Anne is so full of joy and lightheartedness, but also worldly wisdom, that I find reading her books very fulfilling right now.
Who Was King Tut was a fun, supplemental read for the boys and I.  We are reading The Story of the World, and it touched on King Tut's life, so this little chapter book was the perfect addition to our morning reading.  We got to get a little more info on King Tut's tomb, how it was discovered and what his (very short) life looked like.  My kids love all the "Who Was" books in that series.  We are almost done with the first 'Story of the World' book, and I'm excited to move on to the second one.  We've read all of the first one (years ago in Alaska) and some of the second one. But in March I got the third and fourth used from Powell's and am hoping we get through all four in the series before the fall. (fingers crossed!) I am really enjoying them.

Loving... Jack's freckles & beautiful eyes, and the way Carly pretended to write "gummies" (meaning Paw Patrol fruit snacks) on the grocery list for Josh.  Glad I can still find joy in the little things, even during the hard weeks.

Enjoying... our gorgeous front porch, which Carly has continually been helping Josh with this week. One day she asked where Josh was and I said outside and she said, "Planting WITHOUT me?!?" and ran to put her shoes on.  She is his little shadow, and it's the sweetest thing I ever did see.

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