Week 25 Around Here {2019}

{My unread shelf}

{Time for a haircut!!!}

Waking up... and celebrating Wyatt's 8th birthday with a donut cake, which was the brilliant brain child of my sister, who wanted to make Wyatt's birthday special even though we had plans in Vancouver on his big day.  He loved the donut cake (... let's be honest, we ALL did!) and was thrilled to start the day celebrating.

Attending... my cousin Savanna's wedding shower, which was so lovely.  I was so happy to see her and her fiance, Deric, as well as her sister Alix.  I hadn't seen Alix's house yet, and really enjoyed seeing where she lives with her hubby and baby boy. 

Loving... getting ready for the shower with my mom and sister in the same bathroom.  It was just so fun to do our hair and make up together, asking opinions on clothes and jewelry... I have missed that since I got married so many years ago.  It makes me happy we still get the opportunity to do that once in a while.

Seeing... our beloved Annie & her brother James while visiting my mom.  She has grown so much, and it was so good for my heart to see her and hold her and play with her.  I bought her love with candy (like any good auntie would!) and loved seeing her laugh about our green tongues.  It was hard to say goodbye, but I love knowing my mom is in her life & such a loving presence for her and her sweet brother.

Road tripping... back home after nearly a week with our parents and two of our kiddos in Vancouver.  It ended up being such a lovely, lovely trip, and I am so glad Roxanne and Josh invited/encouraged me to go.  It was just what I needed to kick off the summer.

Trying... a new hair style with my new hair wand I got at Ulta.  I joked with my sister that my hair style has been "1990 soccer mom" style for my whole life (#butseriously) and it's time for a change.  I still need to get the hang of it, but I am determined to not get stagnant in the beauty department.  Repeat after me: Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.  Right???

Taking... Jack and Carly to the water park on Monday afternoon while Josh's mom had Logan and Wyatt.  It was a nice slow warm up to the summer spent there, and gave us a chance to see how Carly would do.  She LOVED it, and with her floaty life vest, we see her swimming in no time!

Getting... Wyatt to the orthodontist for an early morning appointment, and then taking him and Carly to my friend's house (thanks, Crystal!) so I could go to counseling since Josh worked and the twins were at the land with Grandma & Papa.

Suffering... a 36 hour migraine this week that was a DOOZY.  I get them with my cycle sometimes, and this one would.not.quit. It was seriously the worst.  But I took my meds as needed and pressed on, because life just keeps on a-going, and ain't no one got time for migraines.  Especially when Josh had to work Tuesday through Sunday this week!

Talking... about overeating at counseling, and seeing how I think of it as rewarding myself, but in actuality I am punishing myself by getting so stuffed that I feel gross and sort of hate myself.  It's a vicious cycle. 
I have seen some improvement when I am able to feel my feelings as they come, which requires a lot of staying present, but is totally worth the effort.
I'll get there.
Small steps.

Feeling... like a champion (seriously, I wanted a trophy & confetti) after getting the twins to their dentist appointment (hooray for no cavities!), running errands to three stores and the post office with all 4 kids, and putting away all the groceries while suffering the last bits of that 36 hour migraine.  I felt like Superwoman.  Or at least SuperMom.  Hah. 
But with my migraines it's like, I can suffer here on the couch, or I can suffer while I'm getting shit done. Sometimes I let myself loaf on the couch.  And that's fine.  But one can only loaf so much when there are mouths to feed and a birthday party to plan and teeth to get checked. So I bucked up, and took one for the team. #goshelly

Thankful... that the boys are all old enough to leave me alone during nap time when I need it.  After our crazy morning running errands with a migraine, I ate lunch with Carly, laid her down for a nap, and then went and took one myself.  I was exhausted. The boys were so good, letting me rest and taking care of each other.  It made me so proud and grateful.

Adoring... the way Carly and Wyatt watch the garden grow.  And really all the plants around our house.  They are so fascinated with the bugs and the bees and love to help water everything to make it grow.  They love to check the plants in the garden and see if any fruits or veggies are starting to sprout yet.  We have a few Zucchini starting and they are just pumped! It's so sweet! 

Reading... Harry's Trees, which is a great read about two widowed people whose lives end up entertwined in a kind of magical way, and listening to Before Green Gables (my new favorite!) and Love You Hard, which is also so good and very inspiring.  If you want to be grateful for your life, listen to Love You Hard.  The author's tenacity is incredible.  And if you love Anne of Green Gables, you simply HAVE to read Before Green Gables.  My friend Theresa recommended it, and I am so grateful.  It was such a fantastic book to start the summer with on audible loan from the library.

Giving... the boys their summer haircuts.  They hate me now (at least the twins do) but I can't stand their long hair in the summer, all full of sweat. So, summer haircuts it is! #sorrynotsorry

Throwing... a birthday party for Logan & Jack's 11th birthday with their friends, including batting practice with the pitching machine (thank you, Josh!) and a water fight, plus cupcakes.  Win-win-win.  The kids had a great time, and I really enjoyed watching them play ball together- it reminded me of The Sandlot, which made me smile; and Jack said it was his best birthday EVER.

Praying... for my bestie who had surgery this week.  She was in amazing shape post-surgery and now begins the long recovery process.  I am so proud of how brave she has been and am praying she will recover quickly.  I stayed with her one night in the hospital so her husband could get some rest, and I felt so blessed to be able to be there for her like that.  It's truly a gift when people let you in, and let you be there for them during hard & vulnerable times, and I am blessed to have a friendship like this one. I love you, girl!!!

Laughing... when Carly told me (vehemently) that she wanted to call and tell Grandma about "the Pocahontas" she had seen.  I was all, "What Pocahontas?" and she was all, "Not POKE-ahontas, HOKE-ahontas... you know! That we saw in the yard?"
Lately she's been talking a lot about ghosts and shadows and heaven and death, so when she started talking about seeing something in the yard she wanted to talk about with grandma and I didn't know what she was talking about, I was pretty freaked out.
Finally she said, SUPER exasperated with me, "You know! The HOKE-ahontas we saw on the window!!!" with her hands all emphatic and irritated.  And then it clicked! She was trying to say "Praying Mantis" hahahahahah!
Earlier in the week we had seen a teeny tiny praying mantis on the front window and we went out front and held it, and then set it free in this plant they seem to love in our front yard.
Oh that poor girl trying to get me to understand her.  No wonder she was so frustrated.

Shopping... with all four kids at Walmart Friday morning (against my better judgment) because they had birthday money burning holes in their pockets, and I brought my book, so I could read while they shopped. Ha!  Seriously, I just read Harry's Trees while they ran up and down the aisles at Walmart and finally decided what they wanted. It was the best thing ever.

Breaking... my book buying ban and getting We Are Okay for myself at Walmart.  It had been a long week, with my migraine, and my friends' surgery and just, life... so I rewarded myself with a book.  I'm not sure how I feel about that, but for now I am cutting myself some slack.  It's one book, and there are sure a lot of worse transgressions I could be worried about.

Playing... at the park after a picnic and really enjoying it.  I loved the simplicity of taking the kids to the park with bags of sandwiches & chips, and seeing how much fun we could make it.  It reminded me that having a fun summer isn't necessarily about doing anything big or fancy, but about doing small things each day with intention.
So I decided that each day I am going to try and do something FUN with the kids.  Some days that may just be pulling out the Play Doh and playing with them for ten minutes making 'cupcakes', and other days it may be going kayaking as a family, but if I have at least one FUN thing planned, I know that that Mom Guilt won't gnaw at me when we are busy doing NON-FUN things like cleaning out the garage or putting away laundry, because something fun is around the corner!

***

"I will rise up

And I will try again"

Yes, yes, yes.

***

Week 2 Around Here {2019}

Watching Christopher Robin with Logan, Wyatt & Carly on movie night. It was such a cute movie, I didn't want to miss a minute. Pooh said so many quotable things!! I absolutely loved it!!  I also watched Birdbox on Netflix this week, with Josh, and it was really good.  Highly recommend both.

Undecorating for the holidays.  I did this slowly, over the course of several days, which is very unlike me, but the boys' school schedule was weird this year and they didn't go back until January 7th, so I had lots of time to do as I pleased following the new year.  Eventually it all got done, and Josh took down the tree and Christmas lights outside, and Christmas was wrapped up for another year.

Sending the kids back to school this week after two weeks off for Christmas.  It was time for them to go back, and we were all ready for a routine again after so much free time.  We had a great Christmas break, but the boys missed their friends & I missed my quiet time. (mom truth)

Celebrating nearly a month seizure free for Logan.  I am so excited that his new medication (Depakote) is working and we are now weaning him off his old medication (Tegretol). Woot woot!

Potty training Carly, who is actually, basically, potty training herself.  She is amazing and had only two #2 accidents and then took to the toilet like a fish to water when she realized that if she poo'd in her Paw Patrol panties, I was going to throw them away. She is crazy grown up and blowing us away!  The only negative to her potty training is that her sleep took a bit of a backslide as she became aware of herself peeing and I think it started waking her in the night. I'm sure it will improve with time, but I was tiiiiired this week as she woke me up a few times each night.

Counting down the days until her birthday (it's on the 24th) and feeling both right and shocked that she will be three.  She is so mature for her age (and that vocabulary!), but also I can't believe it has already been three years since she joined our family.  Time is sure a funny thing.

She was a big girl at the dentist this week and when she goes next time, she gets to sit in the big girl chair and watch a movie on the ceiling, which she is PUMPED about (!) and when my friend Jen asked her how old she was turning at the end of the month, she promptly answered without pausing, "Fifteen." Hah!  This girl. I am just cherishing every.single.moment with her. She is so much fun.

Going to counseling this week at the last minute when he had a cancelation and offered it to me.  Thanks to my in-laws (who were able to come watch Carly) I was able to scoop up that opening and go see him. (Josh's parents' house sold & closed, so they were finally able to move here, and we are so, so glad they are here for good!!!)

It was a much needed session as we discussed some parenting issues I've been having (self esteem and lying issues with the twins- heading into middle school years is going to be HARD on my mama heart!) as well as what I want to do now instead of emotional eating & book buying, both of which I want to give up in the new year.

Planning to clean/organize, workout or journal when I feel like emotional eating or book buying.  So far, this has actually been working, which is fantastic.

Kon Mari'ing my entire house in preparation for Wyatt's surgery to remove his tonsils & adenoids next week (the 18th).  I have taken that nervous "I'm-not-in-control" energy and siphoned it into something extremely useful. I am slowly watching all the episodes of Tidying Up on Netflix (after having read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up two years ago when we first moved here) and have been slowly but surely tackling areas of my life again since the new year.  It keeps me busy when my anxious feelings pop up about Wyatt's surgery (the idea of him being put under for surgery with his history of asthma makes me so worried!) and is really productive.  If you haven't checked out the show on Netflix, I highly recommend it. There are only 8 episodes, and it's a very gentle, achievable type of clean/organized. When they are done, the houses are NOT perfect. They are real and livable, and I like that.

Feeling like a failure as a wife & mother in the early part of this week.  I haven't been working out this week, plus it's my time of the month, so I know that is contributing to my feeling this way, but the feelings are real, nonetheless, and it sucks.  I just feel like I am letting everyone around me down, and it is really heavy. Parenting the older two has been really emotionally hard as of late, (hormones and morals and tempers and lack of fully developed frontal lobes...) while preparing Wyatt for his surgery hasn't been easy either ("Do you ever not wake up from being put under?" "How do they take my tonsils out?" "What will it look like?") and while Carly was a breeze at two, she seems prepared to make three a bit of a challenge for me ("I said I wanted to do it myself." "Jack is being a butthole." "Why did you say no to me?!?") sigh.  I feel pulled in a hundred different directions, and all I want is some time to myself, which feels ridiculously selfish when they all need so much from me.  It's been hard.

Taking Wyatt to the movies as a reward for good behavior, and enjoying the rare one on one time.  He chose to watch Bumblebee which was a super cute movie, and we enjoyed the snacks & time alone.

Looking forward to doing the hardwood floors in the rest of our house and redoing our bathroom.  After doing the main bathroom (which looks amazing and still takes my breath away every time I walk in it!) I am really on pins & needles to start our master bath & put those gorgeous floors throughout the house!

Reading As Bright As Heaven and finishing it.  It was such a sweet story (despite being about the Spanish flu in Philadelphia), and one that kept me turning pages despite the hectic first week we had back in our routine.  This week I also listened to Off The Clock on audio.  Off The Clock was an interesting read.  The author suggests you measure your time (preferably in half hour increments) to literally see where your time is going. This is something I may do at some point in the future, especially if I want to increase the amount of time I spend reading. I would also like to better track how much sleep I get/need.

Her other advice is to do something memorable everyday (which I love!), and to lower expectations (for example, instead of saying, "I'll do a 45 minute workout everyday", say "I will work out everyday".  That way, even if it is 10 minutes, it counts, and you are more likely to try and squeeze one in at all.)

Starting Troublemaker by Leah Remini and How To Walk Away by Katherine Center.  Troublemaker I listened to on audio.  It was read by the author, which I really enjoyed, and was such a fascinating story of Leah's childhood, experience in scientology and insider's look at life near Tom Cruise and inside her church.  Her story of leaving her church, a place once warm & familiar, really resonated with me, because I also had to leave my church once upon a time, and it is not an easy thing to do, no matter the reason.  Her heartbreak, the way she lost friends & loved ones because of it, gave me such compassion for my 18 year old self that before hearing her story I hadn't been capable of giving. I felt TERRIBLE for Leah, and in doing so, was able to feel the same way for myself.  Sad for the choices I had to make and the things I had to leave behind. Sad for the memories that leaving tarnished. It was a book that really left a mark on me. I am so glad I read it.

How To Walk Away is the book I chose for our local book club this month, and I am so happy with my choice!  It was a very sweet book about a girl who is in a plane crash and the story follows her recovery.  I felt like the story was very inspirational, even though Margaret isn't always feeling like she will come out alright, and I underlined a lot of lines.

My favorite:

"They couldn't possibly get it.  Some kinds of wisdom can only be earned... The greater our capacity for sorrow becomes, the greater our capacity for joy.  So I went on, "That's the thing you don't know- that you can't know until life has genuinely beaten the crap out of you: I am better for it all.  I am better for being broken."

***

I feel like this quote goes perfectly with what Margaret was saying in How To Walk Away.

It's the hard things we face that build us into who we become.

And after you've been through them,

you'd rarely wish them away.

Because they are what make you so strong.

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