around here: week 21 2020

{May 17-23rd}

{Daddy's home!}

{pc: Carly}

{pc: Carly}

{pc: Carly}

{flashback to the first night Ramona slept with Wyatt}

Rejoicing... that Josh is home for good now that his sister's house is ready to go on the market.  It listed on Friday and had 3 showings that day! Her family will be moving here when it sells, and I can't wait to have more family here.

Reading... history aloud to the kids and almost finished with the first book in the series. We really enjoy that time every morning and I plan on continuing it throughout the summer.  (There are four books in the series.)  I also read Things You Save In A Fire & How To Not Die Alone for my Book of the Month readathon weekend, finishing with four total books in four days.

Taking... Carly to her annual eye appointment and donning our masks.  This was our first time out of the house since quarantine started other than picking up lunches at Wyatt's school in the van.  It was surreal to be out in the world, everyone masked up, aware of every.single.surface Carly touched, worrying about her touching her mask.
She did a great job, I was so proud, and we picked out the CUTEST glasses for her new prescription. I can't wait to show you all.

Deciding... it's time to put our kitty Ramona down.  She's had a bladder infection that won't heal for months now, and after two rounds of different medications she is still sick and has been getting sicker. As her mama, I just know, it's time.
Making this decision has been really hard. Telling the kids, too, was really hard.  There has been lots of tears, hugs & last memories made with her.

Hearing... confirmation that my aunt has COVID.  She is the first person I know personally to have it, and I just can't believe it.  Thankfully it's a mild case, but it is scary nonetheless.

Laughing... nearly everyday at Carly's Quarantine Fashun.  Girl is on.point. with her outfits everyday, and I've just given up caring.  I mean, at this point, why bother?!?
Also laughing at how she loves to watch her tablet inside Grady's crate.  She's such a goof!

Chatting... with my doctor during a Webex appointment (think Zoom for doctors) about my recent avocado allergy (and setting up an appointment to see an allergy doctor for further testing) and also taking advantage of the appointment to discuss my current mental health with him. (To read all the details, see my Instagram post here) We decided I would try adding Buspar daily to help with my anxiety, and increase my Prozac from 30mg to 40mg to help with my OCD/cyclical health worry thinking and feeling down. I walked away feeling so much better, and hopeful for the future.

Working... everyday on with Wyatt on his big tribe comparison project/slide show.  He's been working so hard on it, and I can't wait until he's done! Hah!

Grateful... for a husband who knows how to cheer me up when I'm feeling down.  The day I took Ramona to the vet to have her put down was (obviously) really hard for me.  When I got home, the tears just kept on falling, they wouldn't quit.  I cried off and on all day, and to try and put a smile on my face, he hung the outdoor lights we got for the back patio!  I am so excited to have these lights for when we do fires in the firepit and when we hang out out there once the kids are in bed. It was just the sweetest gesture.

Loving... Carly's art lately.  Josh's favorite phase of kids' art is when their legs come straight from the head, and that's where Carly is right now, and I have to agree- it is the cutest. She draws all the time, pictures of our family, or of me and her and Josh, and it just melts my heart.
I also love how she is all.about.the.stuffed.animals.  She sleeps with no less than twenty stuffed animals every night (am I alone in this?) despite how much I try to help her cut back, and she alternates favorites. I especially love when she feeds them or dresses them.

Learning... of my sister's friend who lost her baby, born too soon, and feeling so broken hearted and terrible that I can't do anything to fix it.  I am praying for them, hoping that God will bless them with a rainbow baby someday... like Carly was to us... but knowing that the darkness in the meantime is thicker and more lonely and empty than anything they've likely ever experienced. It is so hard. Just so hard.  And I'm so sorry any time I hear of anyone I know having to live through it.

Using... Storyline Online for the younger two to keep them entertained while I'm working with the twins on school work, and feeling so thankful for it. If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend it.  It's a collection of famous people reading storybooks for children online.  Super cool.  All four of my kids love it.

Receiving... an encouraging text from my old neighbor & friend Barb after I posted about talking to my doctor about my anxiety & medications, saying, "Hang in there girl.  These are rough waters, the boat is heavy with precious cargo none more precious than you. You are their anchor and their sail."
My eyes immediately welled with tears. It was like someone finally nailed exactly what I am trying to do here.  I am trying to be both the sail that wind uses to keep us moving, but also the weighted anchor that everyone clings to in times of trial, and if that's not an impossible task, I don't know what is.
So mama's, if you feel like what you're doing is impossible, you're right. It is. So make sure you take care of you. You are some of that precious cargo, too.  Barb said so!

***

Week 25 Around Here {2019}

{My unread shelf}

{Time for a haircut!!!}

Waking up... and celebrating Wyatt's 8th birthday with a donut cake, which was the brilliant brain child of my sister, who wanted to make Wyatt's birthday special even though we had plans in Vancouver on his big day.  He loved the donut cake (... let's be honest, we ALL did!) and was thrilled to start the day celebrating.

Attending... my cousin Savanna's wedding shower, which was so lovely.  I was so happy to see her and her fiance, Deric, as well as her sister Alix.  I hadn't seen Alix's house yet, and really enjoyed seeing where she lives with her hubby and baby boy. 

Loving... getting ready for the shower with my mom and sister in the same bathroom.  It was just so fun to do our hair and make up together, asking opinions on clothes and jewelry... I have missed that since I got married so many years ago.  It makes me happy we still get the opportunity to do that once in a while.

Seeing... our beloved Annie & her brother James while visiting my mom.  She has grown so much, and it was so good for my heart to see her and hold her and play with her.  I bought her love with candy (like any good auntie would!) and loved seeing her laugh about our green tongues.  It was hard to say goodbye, but I love knowing my mom is in her life & such a loving presence for her and her sweet brother.

Road tripping... back home after nearly a week with our parents and two of our kiddos in Vancouver.  It ended up being such a lovely, lovely trip, and I am so glad Roxanne and Josh invited/encouraged me to go.  It was just what I needed to kick off the summer.

Trying... a new hair style with my new hair wand I got at Ulta.  I joked with my sister that my hair style has been "1990 soccer mom" style for my whole life (#butseriously) and it's time for a change.  I still need to get the hang of it, but I am determined to not get stagnant in the beauty department.  Repeat after me: Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.  Right???

Taking... Jack and Carly to the water park on Monday afternoon while Josh's mom had Logan and Wyatt.  It was a nice slow warm up to the summer spent there, and gave us a chance to see how Carly would do.  She LOVED it, and with her floaty life vest, we see her swimming in no time!

Getting... Wyatt to the orthodontist for an early morning appointment, and then taking him and Carly to my friend's house (thanks, Crystal!) so I could go to counseling since Josh worked and the twins were at the land with Grandma & Papa.

Suffering... a 36 hour migraine this week that was a DOOZY.  I get them with my cycle sometimes, and this one would.not.quit. It was seriously the worst.  But I took my meds as needed and pressed on, because life just keeps on a-going, and ain't no one got time for migraines.  Especially when Josh had to work Tuesday through Sunday this week!

Talking... about overeating at counseling, and seeing how I think of it as rewarding myself, but in actuality I am punishing myself by getting so stuffed that I feel gross and sort of hate myself.  It's a vicious cycle. 
I have seen some improvement when I am able to feel my feelings as they come, which requires a lot of staying present, but is totally worth the effort.
I'll get there.
Small steps.

Feeling... like a champion (seriously, I wanted a trophy & confetti) after getting the twins to their dentist appointment (hooray for no cavities!), running errands to three stores and the post office with all 4 kids, and putting away all the groceries while suffering the last bits of that 36 hour migraine.  I felt like Superwoman.  Or at least SuperMom.  Hah. 
But with my migraines it's like, I can suffer here on the couch, or I can suffer while I'm getting shit done. Sometimes I let myself loaf on the couch.  And that's fine.  But one can only loaf so much when there are mouths to feed and a birthday party to plan and teeth to get checked. So I bucked up, and took one for the team. #goshelly

Thankful... that the boys are all old enough to leave me alone during nap time when I need it.  After our crazy morning running errands with a migraine, I ate lunch with Carly, laid her down for a nap, and then went and took one myself.  I was exhausted. The boys were so good, letting me rest and taking care of each other.  It made me so proud and grateful.

Adoring... the way Carly and Wyatt watch the garden grow.  And really all the plants around our house.  They are so fascinated with the bugs and the bees and love to help water everything to make it grow.  They love to check the plants in the garden and see if any fruits or veggies are starting to sprout yet.  We have a few Zucchini starting and they are just pumped! It's so sweet! 

Reading... Harry's Trees, which is a great read about two widowed people whose lives end up entertwined in a kind of magical way, and listening to Before Green Gables (my new favorite!) and Love You Hard, which is also so good and very inspiring.  If you want to be grateful for your life, listen to Love You Hard.  The author's tenacity is incredible.  And if you love Anne of Green Gables, you simply HAVE to read Before Green Gables.  My friend Theresa recommended it, and I am so grateful.  It was such a fantastic book to start the summer with on audible loan from the library.

Giving... the boys their summer haircuts.  They hate me now (at least the twins do) but I can't stand their long hair in the summer, all full of sweat. So, summer haircuts it is! #sorrynotsorry

Throwing... a birthday party for Logan & Jack's 11th birthday with their friends, including batting practice with the pitching machine (thank you, Josh!) and a water fight, plus cupcakes.  Win-win-win.  The kids had a great time, and I really enjoyed watching them play ball together- it reminded me of The Sandlot, which made me smile; and Jack said it was his best birthday EVER.

Praying... for my bestie who had surgery this week.  She was in amazing shape post-surgery and now begins the long recovery process.  I am so proud of how brave she has been and am praying she will recover quickly.  I stayed with her one night in the hospital so her husband could get some rest, and I felt so blessed to be able to be there for her like that.  It's truly a gift when people let you in, and let you be there for them during hard & vulnerable times, and I am blessed to have a friendship like this one. I love you, girl!!!

Laughing... when Carly told me (vehemently) that she wanted to call and tell Grandma about "the Pocahontas" she had seen.  I was all, "What Pocahontas?" and she was all, "Not POKE-ahontas, HOKE-ahontas... you know! That we saw in the yard?"
Lately she's been talking a lot about ghosts and shadows and heaven and death, so when she started talking about seeing something in the yard she wanted to talk about with grandma and I didn't know what she was talking about, I was pretty freaked out.
Finally she said, SUPER exasperated with me, "You know! The HOKE-ahontas we saw on the window!!!" with her hands all emphatic and irritated.  And then it clicked! She was trying to say "Praying Mantis" hahahahahah!
Earlier in the week we had seen a teeny tiny praying mantis on the front window and we went out front and held it, and then set it free in this plant they seem to love in our front yard.
Oh that poor girl trying to get me to understand her.  No wonder she was so frustrated.

Shopping... with all four kids at Walmart Friday morning (against my better judgment) because they had birthday money burning holes in their pockets, and I brought my book, so I could read while they shopped. Ha!  Seriously, I just read Harry's Trees while they ran up and down the aisles at Walmart and finally decided what they wanted. It was the best thing ever.

Breaking... my book buying ban and getting We Are Okay for myself at Walmart.  It had been a long week, with my migraine, and my friends' surgery and just, life... so I rewarded myself with a book.  I'm not sure how I feel about that, but for now I am cutting myself some slack.  It's one book, and there are sure a lot of worse transgressions I could be worried about.

Playing... at the park after a picnic and really enjoying it.  I loved the simplicity of taking the kids to the park with bags of sandwiches & chips, and seeing how much fun we could make it.  It reminded me that having a fun summer isn't necessarily about doing anything big or fancy, but about doing small things each day with intention.
So I decided that each day I am going to try and do something FUN with the kids.  Some days that may just be pulling out the Play Doh and playing with them for ten minutes making 'cupcakes', and other days it may be going kayaking as a family, but if I have at least one FUN thing planned, I know that that Mom Guilt won't gnaw at me when we are busy doing NON-FUN things like cleaning out the garage or putting away laundry, because something fun is around the corner!

***

"I will rise up

And I will try again"

Yes, yes, yes.

***